feelings.

[Demahdi]

And lately I have been feeling Christian again. Not from a biblical perspective though.
I feel it is a homecoming and a plus to my identity.
Though I need to annunciate it later in a wider perspective.

 

[Brugmansia]

The alluring fluorscence of life becomes palpable through the use of entheogens. The hypothalamus operates at the highest levels as one swims through the fugue state detached from any solid mental construction. Such vibratory alienates one promptly but a deep sense of relief may become on set posterior to the experience. When repeated for years with high doses and daily use of cannabis, the peaked neurochemistry initiates an integral free model within one's self, predestinated to choose rather than to adapt. Founded structures, the moulds of society man participates in are considered and sensed as lethargy. It is inevitable for the Indian man or devout psychonaut. The mortal with susceptibility to integrate this as natural or normal is enlighted and illuminated, and shall belong to the 1% or less who ever gets there prior to death.

 

[Demahdi]

Man I feel that in its core!!!! Have you got any idea how powerful you are with words?
From my point of view it is like opening my arms wide open, looking to the sky, taking a deep breath and realizing somewhere in this world I am being understood.
You have made more then a day by simply lending out your hand. I encourage you to speak your mind more often. You have the skill of pushing anything to the course it needs to be pushed at.
My girlfriend and I have great respect for you and Finarfin, for touching into matters and looking at it from the psychonaut perspective.
We miss Zezt also

Anyway, I have been pushing things ahaed of me and looking back it... it is quite much lol.
I know that picking up the conversation with a high dose might ignite a powerful structure in my mind where bias and consensus is reached. When coming down, poundering it over for weeks, fireworks would come out. The door is shown, but my last high dose only showed a tiny much of what is truly beyond this mystical ride and I ran off man, I got chicken shit scared.
I Always vast before I trip and a high dose started at 4g dried cubensis, then I tried 5g dried, ... It spoke to me and I got intrigued ... So 2 weekends later I jumped a little deeper and started of with 4g dried and as I got into it I drank 3g dried more... Things happened and I was hanging on to the situation and I knew if I went on with this venture with total and true devotion I could bring something in life that would proof there is in fact something really going on here and it is not my imagination alone. Well it is my imagination, but does this come from me? Or am I opened up to a different reality where there is something you can poke and trigger to happen in this reality....
I do not speak of this often, and I have not spoken of it in detail yet, but to put it like this.
I am scared to take a high dose again. And I've done some, but one clicked to the other until I got so astonished I feared insanity
I am not sure anymore I want to be taken any higher yet. It would ignite and I need to be pure Zen before I can put my mind and body into it again. It has become a sacred ritual and there is nothing I respect more in life then a dose of entheogens. Because I am overwhelmed by my last high dose I didn't go there anymore. And I know I should, but I need to be balanced first. And I am already late for the mad tea party.....

 

[Finarfin]

Demahdi writes about different (other) reality,s. According to native people and shamans all over the world there are other reality,s and dimensions. Places inhabited by all kinds of entities, they often call these entities spirits. Shamans say that the spirits are essential in the shamanic practice. According to the shamans these other reality,s and these entities are real and are part of the bigger reality.

I don,t know if the shamans are right or if there are real spirits and other reality,s. I have seen entities and i have been to (what seems like) other reality,s during a journey on entheogens.
We all visist other reality,s and encounter entities when we dream, do we not? Is it just a dream? What are dreams?

 

[Demahdi]

FinarFin writes about realities like they are places to visit...
But in fact it's there all the long, you just wake up to the fact there is way more going around then you ever imagined before.

The bigger reality is the oneness where the all makes sense
I am not talking about an orange DMT glass pipe trip, I'm talking about a shitload of shrooms and going in overdrive.

And yes it was communicating with me. Not that I heard it in actual words, but I got inspired.... And I did things to my girlfriend I never done in my life, and we were already heavily sexually involved with eachother.
I understand why Eve gave it to her man dude... You start seeing her from your instinctive reality and it is good man!

This thought/deity/entity asked me: Do you think you could've achieved this without me?
And to be honest, from than on I still haven't achieved what I did that specific night.

But I stress out, I rammed the door wide open and it peaked to an event that I still not have figured out yet, but I am sure not jumping into it again with the door wide open... Subtle is the way, for now

 

[Finarfin]

We modern/western people might one day wake up to the fact that there is more going on around us then we tend to imagine. For some of the native people,s the shamans and sorcerers it,s part of everyday reality. From the shamanic point of view these different reality,s are indeed places you can travel to. The shamans use trance techniques, psychoactive plants, and dreams to enter the world of the spirits. They enter the other world to find solutions for problems. They communicate with the spirits for guidance and healing. According to the shamans the spirit world is affecting the human world (so to speak).
All over the world in different cultures we find traces of the believe in spirits and the spirit world.

with mushrooms it sometimes seems like you enter into another world. Some may call it a hallucination, but i did encounter people and animals and they did communicate with me. Are they spirits? I don,t know. it,s more like a dream then anything else. But what is a dream?
The mushrooms is like a key that opens something up inside of us.
Personally i have a feeling that what is revealed is the inner self. It,s the inner self that is communicating to us.
It may seem like something that comes from outside. It,s not so much the cosmic power of the mushroom. But it,s more like the mushroom open us up to our own cosmic power. Our inner self and inner worlds.
I do not think this because i believe it,s all in your head or something like that. I say this because i believe that what is inside of us is something amazing and it,s a good thing to have contact with what,s inside.

 

[Demahdi]

What is real? What is bad, what is good?
Let's not go there lol

To me it's real, I asked for confirmation and it couldn't point out any harder the conversation is in fact a serious one.
That's where I ran off and did all I could to close the conversation down

Everytime I tripped again it started where I ended my last one... I know this may sound absurd,... In my first trips I had a lot of Visuals going on, now it is more in my head. It is a master in disguise and I still haven't figured out the true nature of it, mostly because I'm scared.

 

[Ruisenior]

Your question is a good and caring one.
Sometimes I feel trapped. Like I'm in a labyrinth. And I get anxious because I can't find the way out of it.
I know that my brain is not functioning well in conjunction with my body.
This is what I got thanks to psychedelics. I don't mean this with blame. I know it is supposed to happen.
Heaven can only be reached after going through Hell.
And not the other way around. That is my belief.
And actually, it correlates to western and eastern philosophy like Buddhism and Kabbalism.
Supposedly, Heaven, Goodness and Goddess (which are very similar words) have symbolic meaning.
This place is not coming from an outside source, but from an inner place. Inside the body-mind apparatus.


We barely know anything about what is inside the sub-conscious mind...
But for some strange reason, we think that knowledge is dangerous or that it is going to kill us.
We are lost and we suffer because of this lack of knowledge, this lack of understanding.
That's when the bad trip starts to kick in... I say let's dive on it!
We shouldn't be fearful of ourselves. We have to be courageous and understand what life is about.
I think that most of this fear is not coming naturally from us.
I think that this fear was derivatively created by our society, so we could never find how life and reality really looks like.
And I've seen it. It is a joyful, loving and beautiful feeling of unlimited and everlasting peace.
That's were I'm at.

 

[Brugmansia]

Everytime I tripped again it started where I ended my last one... I know this may sound absurd,... In my first trips I had a lot of Visuals going on, now it is more in my head.

I have done trips with 10 gram dried cubensis, 100 mg's smoked N,N-DMT, 1000 mg's of mescaline and 500 ug liquid acid trips between 2009 and 2012 with no visuals at all during most of the trips. Only bizarre synesthesia occured and of course altered thought patterns. It wasn't even spiritual. I encountered the divine with fierce rainbow patterns in the beginning of the last decade with only 75 ug of acid. I had to wait a whole year after that trip because of the intense captivation which kept lingering on for half a year after that very first trip. No matter how high the dose is, everything is back to normal readily after the effects wore off. Of course at the peak of such a dose you want it to go away and particulary the relief of coming down is such an euphoric sensation. But I'd say after the first five years tripping it becomes more of an astral journey with sensory enhancement rather than peaking with rainbow fractalisation and God.

It's not coincidence than Hofmann called LSD it's problem child posterior to using it for years. Now I wouldn't go that far at all, but to me tripping hard is nothing like it used to be. It unfolds nothing new anymore. Even smoked DMT sucks me into an unconsciousness head space with dark domains. I don't really get scared but I end up laying down on bed, often wondering why I actually ingested the substance.

The last 2-3 years I only ingested 3 grams dried cubensis and I could keep steady thoughts. Nothing really special at all.

 

[Finarfin]

I have my ass kicked by the good ol mushroom, more then once. I will not go into detail, but i know from experience mushrooms can be very powerfull.
When i take mushrooms i try to get out of my head. Out of my mental headspace.
I opened up this topic because i wanted to pay attention to feeling.
That is also how i try to approach mushrooms. I try to feel instead of think.
I try to meditate and stop the endless mental noise in my head so i can pay more attention to how i feel.
Meditation and chanting has realy helped me to give my mushroom journey more focus.
chant AUM and feel the vibration. Just focus on the vibration focus on the sound and on your body.
It is the art of letting go. I need to practise the art of letting go.

 

[Brugmansia]

Letting go is a must if you go on a journey. Being humble is the best shield against unpleasant rides. The absence of arrogance or impulsive intakes is as important as the set and setting. Especially at high dose mushrooms are more powerful than LSD and mescaline in my opinion. I never really got my ass kicked by acid or mesca, but with mushrooms it happened more than once. I have also combined mushrooms and LSD and the mushrooms were definitely the dominating party.

One thing never really changed actually, a deeper connection with the body and being at peace during the experience.

Btw Finarfin, you probably can get your old name magickmumu (sp?) back if you contact CaduceusMercurius. I lost my password as well and got my old name back that way.

 

[Trachel]

I'm feeling amazing at the moment. Just got back from my second week in Peru and I'm looking forward towards sharing the details with everyone here.

 

[Demahdi]

Welcome to this board Ruisenior, you mention an important factor of fear. Fear is created not to explore! Demonic visions are created. And as most of the members know, I have Christian roots. I have been programmed by images from birth on that were not created originally from my mind. As my mind started questioning things in life, I felt as a kid a deep and strong connection with nature. This came with great hurt and feelings of unjustice.
I was programmed as an adult not to see nor care about that anymore. Until the mushrooms kicked in of course… But then again, isn’t fear a defense mechanism? I need to get to know this better before I dive in any deeper.
I feel there is a dark shadow hanging over me, lurking into the experience. And it has gotten the overhand in my last high dose. There were 3 lightorbs giving me a sense of peace and ease, but in the corner of the room a dark shadow was lurking into the experience and it came with great distress after provoking that one. Or was it revealing itself ?

Which brings us to being humble, yes Brugmansia, I just rammed it wide open and asked it to be a real confirmation so we would both know I wasn’t just going insane, there is something going on here. You talk about sensory enhancement and astral journeys and letting go…. I have always drifted away on the experience; I never tried to take it in hand, until it began to speak to me with inspirational thoughts. I became obsessed man, I came down very good and we shared the experience for weeks of pure love and laughter, we just couldn’t wait until I jumped in again. We were counting days to purify my blood . But I needed to know on which level this is “real”, you understand? This world opens up, but how real is this invisible world? I needed to do something that would give confirmation. I still haven’t told this I believe and I am not sure I ever will. I have never ever read anything about it, and I can’t imagine anyone ever would and a live board. Of course I won’t ever provoke a reaction like that again, and I will be going easy the first time….
BTW: It really shows you have been eating lots of fruits and vegetables.

Finarfin writes about vibration. I have been hearing “sounds” but never words. Sounds like a spring is been shot off with an echo . Letting go was easy, touching it, calling it out was another .

I will be settled down in a while from now, and I will be a whole lot better in my flesh.
I would be able to dedicate more time to my mind, body, soul, literature.

Thanks all for sharing the feelings.

Welcome back Trachel.

 

[Finarfin]

Sometimes I feel trapped. Like I'm in a labyrinth. And I get anxious because I can't find the way out of it.

The Labyrinth is an ancient symbol. Joseph Campbell have writen about it.
It,s a symbol of the spiritual journey. The spiritual journey does not go in a straight line. There are twist and turns just like in a labyrinth. You need to figure things out. It,s about making choices, discovering and transforming. It has to do with birth and death.
the labyrinth can be a symbol of the womb. And at this level it feeds into prenantal and perinatal psychology.

 

[Ruisenior]

Welcome to this board Ruisenior, you mention an important factor of fear. Fear is created not to explore!..

I'm glad to hear about your personal belief and experience. You know... I think it is hard to track were fear comes from.
But I think that basically, it is a by-product of separation. Separation from other beings from animals and from nature.
We don't realize how important this is. We wear clothes and live in cities made of steel surrounded by lights and annoying smells and noises.
We are not supposed to live this way. This are distractions and when you get caught on them fear, anxiety and sadness will always be coming at you.
I said that fear it's coming from society. Because we didn't built society.
The politicians and other people did it. I don't even want to be a member of society.
They created this mess we are in, that is called civilization. Our minds gradually got polluted by our ways of living and thinking.
What was the purpose of this? I still don't know.
Long time ago the human brotherhood was living peacefully on Earth.
Since some group of people decided to start wars and kill each other violently.
If you research and connect the dots, probably it was due to a Religious war that was taking place.
The pyramid structures we find all over the world are proof that ancient man were connected to each-other.
Because they share the same cultural traditions, although they were living miles away from each other.
All of them shared the same respect for nature and took care of Mother-Earth.
Until the religious wars began. The Elite wanted to wipe out every trace of this ancient nature-worship (pagan) people. And they did.
And that's how we got here. In a world surrounded by chaos, injustice and confusion.

PD: Thanks, Finarfin! I'll search for Joseph Campbell to find what he is talking about.

 

[Finarfin]

PD: Thanks, Finarfin! I'll search for Joseph Campbell to find what he is talking about.

Yes and also search for Stanlislav Groff and prenantal and perinatal psychology.
Stanlislav Groff has done therapautic LSD research.

 

[Demahdi]

About vibration. I have been getting the feeling during my experiment to increase the dose to achieve a higher vibration. After giving in and calling it out, not knowing where to place it, I have been talking with several people. I called out to Santo Daime for a real life chat and they did. I met with 2 members in a bar in the city and I got in their mailinglist. I talked about my experience and they couldn’t really help me there. They said they can overcome fear by overcoming the vibration through chanting. I have Christian roots, but they are just too far off from theirs and I am not sure I would react positive to people chanting around me. Especially a first time not knowing the people at all. So even though I am on their mailinglist, I have not been to a séance…yet. I have always gone solo on these things and I think its best I don’t get distracted too much by other ideas.

Lately I was in the city with a very spiritual truthseeker and he started saying things to me that made me very unpleasant. I had to backhold myself for not responding negative, and we share many common ideas.

Just sharing feelings here

 

[Demahdi]

There is a very disturbing feeling I like to share. And it is spinning my mid chakra to fear by becoming aware of It.
I feel in my guts bones cells that we are now facing an extinction event and our ocean is poisoned to a no point of return.
Ideologies will be swept away by an unanimous source of action we all will be facing soon.
I am sorry but there is nothing we can do anymore. Even if we change our ways, we will get ill and a lot of us won't be able to be cured.
I have never been so sure and fearful about matters such as this.
Marine life is going to affect us all and we are peaking into it before 2016.

 

[Finarfin]

Let me first say that there is every reason to be worried about the oceans.
You write we face an extinction event, and you are being sure about it.
And there is nothing we can do.

You also write that you are fearful about this. this topic is about feeling so let,s forget the being sure part and let,s get into the feelings and into the fear.
Feelings are there to help us on our life path (spiritual path). Mushrooms and ayahuasca have the power to bring us into contact with our inner world. It can show us our deepest feelings. One of the biggest fears of people is (ofcourse) death. It,s life and death that makes us most afraid.
Afraid to live fullout to embrace life and ambrace the self. Afraid to die and to embrace the fact of our own mortality. As life and death are both sides of the same coin the two types of fear are interconnected on a deep level.

The fear of exstinction is (in a way) the fear of death. I feel i need to push the conversation in the direction of death and how we feel about our own mortality.
Because we need to face those fears and make friends with them. When we make friends with death (our mortality) we can find peace of mind and the spinning feeling in the mid chakra will calm down. Mushrooms or ayahuasca can hulp us with this. Help us re connect to our own inner world.

From what you write i get the impression (maybe i am wrong) that there is something you did not complete. And now there is a fear of completing the process.
I have the impression you where in the process of something (ego death) and the process ended to early.

There are many techniques that can be done to get into contact with the inner self (besides mushrooms and ayahuasca).
meditation, dreaming, isolation tank, holotropic breathwork. Our feelings are connected with our body so working with our body also helps us to tune in to the inner world. Yoga, martial arts and such.

I have a feeling that personal as well as planetary healing can be done. But for it can be done people need to come into contact and learn how to listen to what is inside. First contact with the (inner or higher) self, then contact with the planet and the others and finally healing. We can not begin to heal if these connection are not restored.
Ayahuasca and mushrooms help us restore our connection by plunging us into our own darkness. It,s what they sometimes call the dark night of the soul.


I do not have experience with Santo Daime. I did have contact with them and talked to some members. It,s a church and i a not a christian. I was thinking about joining one of there ceremonies, but i did not do it.
I did four shamanic ayahuasca (group) ceremonies. The group vibe and the ceremonial aspects of such a session makes it very, different, powerfull, hearth opening and healing.

 

[Demahdi]

Dear friend, first off, sorry for this grand off topic!
I don’t fear death at all! I fear our consequences as human species as a whole. And the field is been urging me to push this vibration of awareness a level higher.
They are mentioning now “the blob”. Scientists have sampled coastlines of America and Fukushima radiation is hitting it. They took 15 Tuna and 15 out of them were contaminated with Fukushima chemical waste. This isn’t a Tjernobyl. These are 4 reactors near a coastline still giving and peaking for the next 40 years. Hundreds of tons of radiated groundwater has been leaking in the ocean for the last 4 years per day. This material is going to outlive us and our kids. News has been spread leukaemia may peak, and cancer could be doubled in numbers near 2020, over the entire northern hemisphere.
It is a grand cover up we should be worry about more than anything going on in this world now. Maybe it needs to be debated in another topic.

Santo Daime has Brasil roots and is embedded with Christian principles. It has cultural similarities. I feel “Christian”, but when I told them I believe Jesus could be a medicinal preacher aware of this Christos energy, we psychonauts, become aware of, it became clear to me they are really upholding the bible’s vision about Jesus. I find that kind of injust to the entire experience, but that is just my personally. I look at the history of the Spanish inquisition and ask myself how it became embedded in the first place. The most important reason for not going to a sceance is people around me chanting I don’t know. I need to “regulate” my own vibration field and I need to get outside at any time. They could not give me a guarantee, so I am going solo on this one. It is important I need to build this out from my own principles, not a copy paste embedded with “tools”.

When I was younger I have experienced an ego death. I was so full of shit and did not understand “relationships” at all. Until my own judgement was blocked out and I looked at life/people free from my own judgement. It was good. I spoke in life what I received that specific night and it was a successful experience. People came to me and showed their appreciation, respect, … But reality grabbed me by the wrist and I pushed them aside for years. Picking up a new life and picking up “my tools” again was great…. Until I really started to touch into it and asked for it to come out. I know now it only shown me a tiny much and I ran off chicken shit man. What would it be like if I give into it the full 100%?
It was really coming at me like a horror demonic scene once I started fearing its prescence. I fear fear and I fear insanity! I need my sanity more then ever now, so that’s maybe why I have not picked up the conversation on a sufficient level yet.

Planetary healing is something I would give in to , but we need to realize what we are up against first. Extremely recent I had priorities aiming at Europe, getting signals from the Pacific ocean rearranged a bunch of stuff on my agenda. The samples are only recently analysed and it will be going up for the next 50 years. It made me realize I might not be able to finish my journey on earth. It makes me really sad, especially seeing all these kids, their fathers, mothers, adults getting ill caused by powers of stupidity. If we want to clean our earth, we need to get rid of these bastards and revolt to a green power grid.