hi, this is my first post on here, though ive been reading the forum for a little bit. this is the first time ive tried to properly right down what happened to me in a drug experience, but i felt that this was one of the best or most valuable ive had and it just seemed to flow really easily out of me today, a great way to make the experience flow back...hence why theres so much i guess, here it goes anyway:
Me and my friend James tripped in our flat at the university of Warwick last night.
We smoked 2 js, and were already feeling far gone; deep inside etc. had been on a few days of abstinence which represented quite a long time for the way I’ve been smoking recently. really showed what a difference this makes though, and aside from feeling a little anxious, my musical appreciation shot right up, I jammed to a couple of songs and we chilled and chatted shit and laughed at stupid things for a few hours, deciding we should give it a little while before we ate the seeds seeing how baked we already were. (the stereo sound on my speakers was great, hearing all the different parts clearly in great quality from each part of the speakers, e.g. little parts like a tambourine in the chorus of a Biffy Clyro song....the night seemed to be very rhythmically themed, likely due to a conversation I had earlier about music as a force of energy and its origins in connection with ritual.)
It was the end of term, so I was obviously feeling good, vibes of coming to the end of another certain stage of my life etc, I had really been looking forward to an experience like this, even just getting stoned, and asked for some level of ego-loss in the trip - I was really happy to feel like I was granted this. Anyway we decided to eat the seeds gradually at just after 10pm, chewing them one at a time with some orange juice and a few apples to take the taste away. although I was planning on taking a dose of about 10 or 11 quickly, as I’ve done a couple of times before, this turned out to be a much better way of gauging a good dose, and we didn’t feel like anymore than 7 or 8 was really needed at all.
The nausea came on pretty fast, say 20 minutes, and almost surprisingly in that we didn’t feel like more substances were needed, another j calmed it down massively, and made doing things a lot easier. At this point it hadn’t fully kicked in, while at the same I always seem to feel things getting to work inside me, something in the background slowly creeping up inside you. We listened to more music attentively, I think it was the Fleet Foxes album at this point though I could be wrong, and we went into our separate rooms for a while (I lay out on my bed presuming James was doing the same). Soon after, my friend josh (the drummer in my band) came into my room to smoke some of the bud I’d picked up for him earlier. Now it’s difficult to define but in the past I’ve had experiences where to be around people who weren't tripping is exactly what not to do, almost grounding you back into reality and making you feel awkward and disturbed. This time seemed to be different though, and I opened up, explaining the strange early stages I was in as he hit some bowls at my desk.
I picked up my acoustic, James came back into my room, and things now began to get interesting. We began to come up, talking ecstatically about anything and everything and after a short while we were all laughing hysterically like maniacs, yet perfectly chilled at the same time. I took a step back and became introspectively appreciative of my friends, and sunk into playing guitar lying against the wall. Energy seemed to be flowing through me, I let go and played towards songs and, to the disbelief of everyone (including myself!)A beautiful melodic solo came out, twanging the strings loudly and confidently with my fingers.
I’m blank for a little while here, and the next thing I remember was being alone again lying on my bed as the trip began to fully kick in. I was listening to the Smashing Pumpkins, my number 1 band and musical influence with whose psychedelic yet powerful sound I feel a great resonance. To say I was listening would be an understatement in fact, I was now experiencing the music fully, watching my curtains create patterns of tiny dots, horizontal lines and occasionally fading to total blackness before repeating the sequence (the closest way I can think of describing it would be like the patterns on peacock feathers, or loads of swirling eyes looking down at me). As the sound of the song 'Snail' surrounded me I began to realise the nature of everything as LOVE, and just thinking of the word itself began to intensify the visuals to an even greater extent. Next was the song 'Window Paine', and although this seems a little silly to me (especially now), and as though I was creating my own synronicities from within me, everything seemed to become linked and connected perfectly because I was simply staring at my window at the time.
Similarly, every time I checked the time of a song I saw the number 11, something which happens to me constantly with clocks etc, however I’m always aware or unsure whether it’s my imposing of thoughts on an individual level which causes this to happen. This in itself still interests me a great deal though, and reminds me of a previous, very contemplative trip on the Indian strain of woodrose where I somehow managed to arrive at the conclusion that it is possible to imagine anything into existence as thought and idea.
Next I went over into James room to see how he was doing, it was now about 1AM and we were both experiencing the most beautiful feeling that everything single thing was exactly the same as everything else. We lay about the room in pitch darkness, discussing the nature of this congruence in detail yet I was frustrated by the barriers of language, which now seemed primitive and inexpressive of true emotion etc. The room was full of throbbing energy, in the form of bubbles and particles all around us, and we talked about what I understood as moving to 'the next level' - while we could see the structures of everything, we were still experiencing life through being a biological entity, and I wonder how possible it is to truly experience absolute purity because of this (in this lifetime of course). Possibly in some way related to this (kind of embarrassing but oh well!), I couldn’t help but feel a massive sexual urge despite not concerning myself with any sexual thoughts, and it were also my physical body regressed to its innate drive -reminding me almost exactly of the scene in Donnie Darko where Donnie is deep in hypnosis and starts to play with himself un-consciously. Meanwhile everything in the room was melting into itself (the furniture, the walls, the bed etc.) I stared out the window, watching the branches of a tree become nerve endings extending into the air and its roots spiralling through the ground connecting it profoundly to the earth. I watched James melt into the background of the curtains and it was then that something really strange happened: his head bowed down and elongated into a raptor like beak and I saw him in the form of a lizard or reptile sitting across from me. This brings me back to my questioning of how much hallucinations are a manifestation of whets already in my mind, as I had read up on some ideas about reptilian beings on one of my favourite websites a few days before hand:
http://www.crystalinks.com/reptilians.html It has to be said I’m extremely cautious about these kind of theories, particularly the conspiracy focused ideas which seem to be looking to blame things for evil and greed (I feel it difficult to equate this especially because I know my friend is an amazing person). In the same way I was far from scared, and found it impossible to experience any fear or bad vibes even if I tried to create them out of curiosity.
Any fighting of the trip or involvement in reality (even something as simple as walking) caused us to feel pretty sick however, but I managed to get back into my room at about 2:30. Perfectly synchronised, josh walked through my door as I was about to smoke another j to help with the next wave of nausea, and we smoked together. Again, even though he wasn’t in the quite in the same place as me, I felt a huge connection with him which I think could stem from the fact that we make music together. The sickness was gone again and the theme of rhythm was back: we were listening to Shpongle and I could feel the tribal beats pulsating through me in perfect detail, at times causing me to close my eyes and loose myself drumming on the desk. josh went again, and I sat on my bed listening to their song 'Divine Moments Of Truth'. Throughout the night I’d been experiencing a lot of closed eye visuals, but it was at this point that I really surrendered to them fully, becoming absorbed by what seemed like never ending patterns. The first I experienced was like an organic web of white/grey cells sometime ago, but now they were intense kaleidoscopes of deep green and red, with occasionally warped bubbles of yellow or neon pink strings. The most amazing thing about them was the depth though, it was like I would get closer and closer to the shapes but they would go on infinitely, travelling deeper and deeper into themselves and never reaching their destination, changing constantly. Though I had no idea at the time I was listening to Aphex Twins selected ambient works album which seemed to enhance these a lot, and I lay in bed in a blissful yet intense subway of colour - through which I’m unsure how I ever managed to finally drift off to sleep!
I awoke this afternoon with a slight headache but felt fine after a few cups of tea and some breakfast, and felt no other bad affects apart from general tiredness and the feeling of being drained somewhat. Though I’m surprised by how much I’ve been able write about the trip, there’s still so much more detail and feeling I’m unable to express in words and in a sense am never going to be able too. Still, I hope an outline of the physical events will in some way help me to understand these experiences more, and for that reason I intend to keep more trip reports in the future.
So far ive only experimented with LSA and MDMA in terms of harder substances, and ive found LSA to very intense for me at least. im really interested in trying some mushrooms at some point...its just that finding them seems to be a lot of effort..
anyhow i somehow feel like i expose a lot of myself in the this...and i hope maybe someone finds something interesting or relevant in it
