What i was thinking huh?
I still wonder what i was thinking back then. :?
Like i said i was severly depressed for a long time, and to make things worse i took XTC the night before, so the day after i felt even more like shit then i already felt, i had a fight with my girlfriend that day too, so i went to my dads shack to cool down, (we were sleeping there cause he wasn't home for a week and he asked me to take care of the house, a bit ironic).
Then all i remember is that i was kinda on automatic pilot, i spotted an electric cable, i hanged the cable over the beam, made a gibbet out of it, took a footstool, put the cable around my neck and decided to step off, i think that i thought i could step back up anytime, but that wasn't the case, the moment the gallow strapped around my neck i couldn't do anything but hanging there, it all happened so fast, i remember that i watched my feet shake, and then i was out.
There's no need to tell me how stupid i was back then, i know that with all my heart, i'm still mad at myself everytime i think about it, it's been a long time now, but i won't ever forget it.It was the dumbest thing i ever did in my life, and i did plenty of stupid things. :|
Luckily my girlfriend decided to look for me and found that big scissor, when she saw me she thought i was already dead and panicked, first she tried to lift me but she couldn't, then she cut me loose and i smacked to the floor, when i woke up i couldn't even stand on my feet, and my left cheek was numb for over a week, i wonder how much braindamage i got from that experience.
But i now know for sure that many people acted very impulsive when they decided to jump, pull the trigger, or hang themselves.I'm lucky that i'm still able to tell this.
Like you said, with a gun you'd probably wouldn't be here, i'm so lucky i don't own a gun, i'ts so easy to get to the point of putting the gun to your head, then it's just a matter of putting some force on the trigger, and it's done.
It can happen so quick, and not always with the right reason.
The human mind is soooo fragile...