neurosis and drugs

[thepainwasenough]

I'm 19.I have had just about every sort of neurotic type thinking but recently I smoked salvia -- albeit a small amount and felt different. This would be my first real drug experience other than alcohol and pot (which i don't think I smoked right anyway) and it only caused a psychical sensation of worms sliding around in my stomach and increased heart rate.

About the Salvia. I think its made me realize INTUITIVELY that our states of mind can be ridiculous and that we need to look at things more objectively. Although my state of mind under salvia was not hallucinating, it was just a mild sense of otherwordly prescense of someone's washing machine. At the same time I used this state to think about life and I started to feel like life follows patterns. I mean everyone knows that life follows patterns but to intuitively feel it -- to watch one's mind naturally arrive at that conclusion was interesting. Any thoughts about this?

I would be classified as having Social Anxiety, Bipolar maybe, ADD, what have you but recently the feeling has dawned on meas if I don't need to trust every signal from my brain and just go with it because they just aren't adaptive frames of mind.

Anyone here neurotic or known someone who was brought out of the clouds of self imposed misery? OR is it a bad idea to stay away from drugs, esp. full blown psychadelics? I just want to explore my mind as right now I'm pretty much physically disabled because of Late Stage Lyme disease and my friends support me very rarely and I need some way to turn reality around so I can see a point in even living.

Thanks guys (I'm new here)

 

[Meduzz]

Maybe you've just become aware of those patterns?

Break out, explore

edit: and I think it's a good idea to stay away from psychedelics until your lyme disease is over.

 

[JohnDoe_2012]

I need some way to turn reality around so I can see a point in even living.

I can only speak for myself but there's always a point to living, it's just finding it at any given time. Even when you're at your lowest low, you're torn to shreds by the world and everything you thought was one way. Somehow even in that dark place if you look hard enough you can find a reason to go on, it might not be a great reason and it might not be one which will last you for years, all you need is a reason which will get you to tomorrow.

I don't know what kind of physical pain you're in or if life is worth living with extreme physical pain, I wouldn't class myself as qualified to comment on those topics. That said hang in there and try and remain positive, even if you have to fake it to begin with. Try not to be too concerned with your relationships with other people right now in terms of people not showing you enough attention/love/respect. Love yourself and be receptive to love and you'll be in the right frame of mind to find friends. The future is not set in stone, every day is another chance to turn it all around.

I always like to remember this basic line of reasoning:

If you want to be something, do it EVERY day.
If you want to be confident act with confidence every day.
If you want to lose weight act in a manner which will help you lose weight every day.
If you want to be a piano player do it every day.
If you want to be a writer do it every day.
If you want to be sad and miserable act sad and miserable every day.

See what I mean?

 

[thepainwasenough]

Thanks guys for your prompt reply.

Taking aniti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills did not help me very much. But I seem to have become aware of how the mind can shape our experiences... ie. feeling "different and undesirable" and now being able to step back and say... is this true?

No amount of reassurance from my friends has helped me. I always felt like they were just trying to make me feel better.

I really like what you said John Doe about being miserable everyday makes you better at it.

I'm truely interested in gaining more perspective and yes I do have many health problems -- fatigue, brain fog from the infection of my brain from the Lyme, etc.

But things like experiencing an altered state of mind and later reading David Sedaris have made me realize that we can't really change the unchangeable through worrying more about it, which is something I do quite alot.

The Lyme disease is here to stay for me -- I will be getting 4 months of Intravenous Antibiotic treatment through a piece of plastic that will be jammed into my superior ven cava (thats a main blood line located directly above the heart).

But when the objective knowledge that my life is not worth living happens with no real emotion as if my ego has died and I see this clearly there seems to be very little else to do but to try to expand my conciousness. Meditation and all that other stuff seems silly.


I'm isolated and confused and this is the worst time to have no friends (I have just rellocated to a new town 600 miles away from home).

I've tried very hard in organized religion etc and I wanted to believe in it. But I simply don't and the hypocrisy in it has bothered me. ie. watching a pudgy Mormon lady talk about how bad smoking is and later go eat a ton of ice cream.. While I'm talking to her, her mind is in la la land like she's using HER drug of choice. There's no long term spiritual benefit from eating ice cream. I've been pudgy and now I have a lean body -- and I don't see this as a good way to self medicate.

The stigma of mental illness and not being right and sitting in weird smelling doctor's office gets to me. I feel like I could break through my own delusions but I need to more than anything FEEL these things.


Sorry for the rambling but I just want to present a more clear picture for you guys to judge from. I'm a complete begginer to drug use -- always being the one at the party that said no thanks (thinking oh no something bad will happen or my parents will find out, or I want to be a good kid cause if I do this god will hate me).

There's so many opinions on all these things. I can find people online that will say drilling a hole in their head has helped them.

?

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Have you investigated the use of the Rife Machine to treat Lyme Disease?

Although some people suffering from Lyme Disease recover with antibiotics, many do not. Rife machines are a valuable alternative treatment. Rife machines are experimental electronic frequency devices that can be purchased ready-built or constructed fairly easily. They are not FDA approved. This website was created by two Lyme Disease sufferers who are nearly healed because of rife machine technology. Our goal is to share what we know. We are not doctors.

 

[thepainwasenough]

The Lyme is a condition that I will have forever like someone that has diabetes. Its not the reason I have wanted to experiment with drugs but it certainly doesn't help that I have fallen out with my peers since they are now in their 2nd year of college and I spend most of my time sleeping or falling asleep due to fatigue.

It's lonely and usually I would feel like eating something delicious but I don't want to gain weight and it's not healthy -- thats why I feel like trying something different.

 

[mysticwarrior]

The Lyme is a condition that I will have forever like someone that has diabetes. Its not the reason I have wanted to experiment with drugs but it certainly doesn't help that I have fallen out with my peers since they are now in their 2nd year of college and I spend most of my time sleeping or falling asleep due to fatigue.

It's lonely and usually I would feel like eating something delicious but I don't want to gain weight and it's not healthy -- thats why I feel like trying something different.

I do know nothing about Lyme.... So do some research on this, be sure that nothing can go wrong because of your Lyme.

And if you really want to trip, and are prepared and aware that you have to stair the problems in the eye. Then try to grow some mushrooms! This gives you time to think and research. And you also got something to do I mean this mushrooms need care and much love!

For me it cleared out a lot of problems. I don't know you psychological conditions etc, but read as many self help books as possible!. There full with useful information and techniques that could help you to get more positive.

This is already something, if you plan to take some shrooms, an interesting book for you to read You also can download it

http://freespace.virgin.net/sarah.peter ... zyman.html

But again, becarefull! Don't underestimate the powers of psychedelics. They can give you a terrible boost of negative emotions. This is indescrible, but you will notice as soon as you experience it. I've experience them also, and they where the worst feelings i ever experienced in my whole life. But it opened my eyes in some way or another. My perspective of live rapidly changed and became really important to me.

Good Luck!!

Greets,
Mystic.

 

[JohnDoe_2012]

This is just my opinion and based on my own experiences but your problem with lack of friends/inability to make friends is something you are going to have to face and overcome. You can try and run away from it, distract yourself from it or any number of actions which will not change the problem into a work in progress. At the end of the day though it's still going to be there. We all need people, even if it can be difficult to find people you really click with or are attracted to.

Try and take it a little at a time. Think of your hobbies and interests, are there any local groups who are involved with those? If you are a movie buff or you read a lot of fiction perhaps there are some discussion groups you can go to. Maybe you'd like to join a martial arts class or join a gym. I have my own issues with this exact topic but I keep the mindset that I'm gradually working towards being more open and meeting new people. That doesn't mean I meet people I really really like, but I'm in the right frame of mind and I'm making some progress forwards as time goes by.

There are plenty of things to distract you in the world but don't ignore real problems in your life or being. It might sound bizarre but one of the things I've learned from my psychedelic use is the things which made me the person who went into them in the first place, including the negative or unexplored things about him. Instead of running away from my problems or trying to get really out there I've ended up really in here and I'm focussed on dealing with and working through all my problems. Life and psychedelics can be such a tightrope act at times, it's hard to recommend anything to you since I don't know if you're someone who would deal with them the same way as me or would/wouldn't do this or that which I did along the way. Hell, how do I even know if I've done the right things so far? It's still a work in progress

 

[mysticwarrior]

Hell, how do I even know if I've done the right things so far? It's still a work in progress Razz

Intuition?