buffachino
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
- Inscrit
- 7 Juin 2007
- Messages
- 1 452
Welcome to the depths of the soul. A trip report and a realisation…
My last trip on cyan's on Saturday was by far the most intense, frightening and difficult whilst still being profoundly enlightening, as are all my trips.
Me and my best buddy were planing on facilitating 'his' experience of ego-death for the first time (this is incorrect, for his knowledge of the phenomena itself was minimal; most, if not all trips pertain this).
We set out to both consume different strains of mushrooms each; having a stockpile of various high potency strains such as Psilocybe azurescens, subaeruginosa and Psilocybe cyanescens, made this in no way close to the ‘subtlety’ of Cubensis; which none of our experiences have been. The intention was that I was only going to consume a gram of the cyanescens (wavy caps) at the most whilst my mate was attempting to increase his experience by not only taking 1.5 grams but mixing 3 small azures with 3 cyans; an act which I had previously found massively introspective and profound (to an extent that he wanted to experience) whilst having consumed 2 grams of these same strains whilst in a car with 2 other 'sitters'.
As we had waited longer than the usual two and a half to three weeks; tolerance that may have built up, if any, had completely subsided. Knowing this, and being particularly sensitive to psilocybin/psilocin myself, I wanted to ease any potential for ‘void anguish’ (overload of information coupled with the physical pain/intensity of soul transcendence/ego-death) as I call it now, with a small fragment of an ecstasy pill (a red bull) from our hippy-flip earlier. This had been the result of a failed attempt at cutting the pill by my friend and had been sitting idle in the pill case; it was far less than a full dose.
Presuming now as I do that the pills are defiantly cut with either speed or another problematic synthetic, it was a bad decision to take this small fragment with my less than standard dose; even though the potency of the strains we consume would put the relevant dose of Cubensis around 3 to 4 grams, dry. I downed the small chip of pill and minutes later ground up my gram in a coffee grinder and immersed it in a glass of water (a method of consumption I had only tried this time) whilst my friend persisted to place one mushroom after another into his mouth and chew them as usual.
We then sat on the floor and I meditated (in the lotus position) while listening to the newly downloaded shpongle/hallucinogen CD’s on his laptop (thanks guys for putting me onto this!).
As the trip began to manifest, we both lay on our separate couch and bed and waited in darkness with our eyes closed as per usual. All of a sudden, my heart was beating at a massively rapid pace, even more so than with shrooms themselves and I began to get the sensation of both the quantum perception shift from the mushrooms and a sensation of ‘pins and needles’ whilst also feeling as though I had a lack of oxygen; a building dysphoric body load that I attribute to the fraction of that pill.
Being both sensitive to mushrooms more so than my friend and having a more immersive imagination because of my artistic background I was experiencing endless waves of intricate and infinite visuals, both with closed and open eyes as usual, with an increasing rate and intensity. I realised then that the unconformability, present in all my trips to some extent from the separation of my body and mind (ego death) coupled with the intense rushing of either the small portion of MDMA and or the amphetamines made me slowly start to spiral into an abyss of thoughts, emotions and every possible sensation at once, then shifting with the mushrooms influence to a more extreme and multi faceted experience of pain, pleasure and anguish all at the same time.
As mushrooms take you on a journey, it feels like you have done something wrong to some extent, poisoned yourself or opened some forbidden Pandora’s box as you body fights to regain control; to finite your perception.
I later referred to this as ‘watching infinity through finite eyes’.
This is a supreme explanation in my view because your mind is attempting to escape into the infinity of DMT hyperspace whilst your physical ‘mind’ coupled with the body and the ego, which binds you to these instances, attempt to regain ‘normality’ and composure. These effects, along with the strange and unenjoyable influence of the pill created a whirlpool or discomfort, confusion and fear as both elements of ‘you’ (the mind and body) disintegrate and move further and further apart whilst still being attached because of the ego’s persistence and your own presence in the physical world. This I see as the physical element clawing at the carpet as its being dragged away from your consciousness and is thus in a state of panic; one which inevitably infiltrates your mindset and thus influences the trip; usually in a difficult way.
This became more and more unbearable, even though the knowledge and experience from all my previous experiences reassured me that this was going to end. Once in this ‘void’ or place between worlds, its hard for your mind to stop and I became slowly but surely more and more overwhelmed with information.
As I found from this, it was not the dose’s effect on the trip at all. I question wether the dose really has such a great effect on the experience after having lived through this extreme intensity; even after much higher doses previously. I realize now that the more information, knowledge and wisdom the subject builds between psychedelic experiences, the more information will be pushed into your mindset whilst in the midst of a trip, all at once. Because my friend is the body to my mind (he works, I don’t, but I do all the research and mental enlightenment; then transfer it to him when we meet. It’s a degree of shamanism) he does not get this degree of effect because of the lesser amount of mental clutter, concepts and metaphysical equations that swirl and emanate from my mind on a daily basis; he was not effected, and thus never will be to the same extent.
This was the biggest realisation during this trip other than the self perpetuating thoughts that the mushrooms forced out of my brain and into all of my senses.
It just became too much to handle; I was clenching my fists and curled into a ball with intensity, if that helps clarify.
I could barley open my eyes as my mind was dragged further from my body and into infinity. I watched as I merged with everything in the room and my friend’s mindset also whilst still only just bearing the seemingly endless waterfall of knowledge spewing from my entity. My friend constantly reassured me and comforted me whilst seeing my discomfort and at the same time attempting to restrain his glee from his dose; he was having an awesome trip because he was in no way overwhelmed, he was just being, living, experiencing. At points, I could see his visuals as my own and as he vocally reacted and explained these visions, I could not only see the same thing but a different thing at the same time; it was just a different facet of the same experience; a connection I find permeates every one of my trips.
I then got up from the couch and made my way to the bed as we switched positions. He realised I needed the comfort more than he so he obliged with no hesitation.
As the light was again switched back on, I struggled to open my eyes but when I first laid them on the desk, covered with random trinkets and sheltering our bongs underneath, it broke into infinite fractions of light, became organic, gave out a golden, red glow and began to perform some kind of organic task like a bodily organ of light inside some gigantic metaphysical creature that was the room itself.
I then looked at the poster of a Native American man smoking a peace pipe with the words ‘smoke for peace’ above him. He constantly changed expression and moved metaphysically; we spoke without words for what seemed like a millennia.
After watching incredible visuals, both open and closed for hours and talking about our experience as we slowly returned to our bodies, the intensity became more and more bearable to a point where I could start enjoying everything in a much more lucid fashion. We talked for a while and discussed the nature of the intensity and the visuals; coming to this very conclusion and explaining ego death to the man who wanted so hard to experience something he already had.
After this, we made our way upstairs because my mate needed to boil and concoct a herbal tea for his minor psoriasis. This was during the massively euphoric comedown as I realised the mushrooms reward any difficulty with equal pleasure after the fact. We talked for more time as we made, then strained the foul smelling brew whilst looking at his marble bench top which looks like the surface of Jupiter, and while tripping it moves in the same way. Very cool!
By the time we had returned to his room the trip had completely subsided and we talked about the concepts of fractal theory, chaos theory and the simplicity of the universe. We also discussed the frailty of the majority of the population’s ideals and concepts of what reality is and laughed at some ridiculous religious beliefs that seemed hilarious to our enlightened minds, yet we didn’t mock the nature of love that religion brings, only the control that it exerts.
Well that’s it people; the most intense trip I have experienced to date. I gained much from the painful dysphoria as much as I did the utter pleasure of the comedown and all my previous journeys into hyperspace. I hope you guys gain some wisdom from this and don’t judge the relative nature of the experience on finite perception or purely on the physical dose itself, for as I found, it plays little if any role.
Peace.
My last trip on cyan's on Saturday was by far the most intense, frightening and difficult whilst still being profoundly enlightening, as are all my trips.
Me and my best buddy were planing on facilitating 'his' experience of ego-death for the first time (this is incorrect, for his knowledge of the phenomena itself was minimal; most, if not all trips pertain this).
We set out to both consume different strains of mushrooms each; having a stockpile of various high potency strains such as Psilocybe azurescens, subaeruginosa and Psilocybe cyanescens, made this in no way close to the ‘subtlety’ of Cubensis; which none of our experiences have been. The intention was that I was only going to consume a gram of the cyanescens (wavy caps) at the most whilst my mate was attempting to increase his experience by not only taking 1.5 grams but mixing 3 small azures with 3 cyans; an act which I had previously found massively introspective and profound (to an extent that he wanted to experience) whilst having consumed 2 grams of these same strains whilst in a car with 2 other 'sitters'.
As we had waited longer than the usual two and a half to three weeks; tolerance that may have built up, if any, had completely subsided. Knowing this, and being particularly sensitive to psilocybin/psilocin myself, I wanted to ease any potential for ‘void anguish’ (overload of information coupled with the physical pain/intensity of soul transcendence/ego-death) as I call it now, with a small fragment of an ecstasy pill (a red bull) from our hippy-flip earlier. This had been the result of a failed attempt at cutting the pill by my friend and had been sitting idle in the pill case; it was far less than a full dose.
Presuming now as I do that the pills are defiantly cut with either speed or another problematic synthetic, it was a bad decision to take this small fragment with my less than standard dose; even though the potency of the strains we consume would put the relevant dose of Cubensis around 3 to 4 grams, dry. I downed the small chip of pill and minutes later ground up my gram in a coffee grinder and immersed it in a glass of water (a method of consumption I had only tried this time) whilst my friend persisted to place one mushroom after another into his mouth and chew them as usual.
We then sat on the floor and I meditated (in the lotus position) while listening to the newly downloaded shpongle/hallucinogen CD’s on his laptop (thanks guys for putting me onto this!).
As the trip began to manifest, we both lay on our separate couch and bed and waited in darkness with our eyes closed as per usual. All of a sudden, my heart was beating at a massively rapid pace, even more so than with shrooms themselves and I began to get the sensation of both the quantum perception shift from the mushrooms and a sensation of ‘pins and needles’ whilst also feeling as though I had a lack of oxygen; a building dysphoric body load that I attribute to the fraction of that pill.
Being both sensitive to mushrooms more so than my friend and having a more immersive imagination because of my artistic background I was experiencing endless waves of intricate and infinite visuals, both with closed and open eyes as usual, with an increasing rate and intensity. I realised then that the unconformability, present in all my trips to some extent from the separation of my body and mind (ego death) coupled with the intense rushing of either the small portion of MDMA and or the amphetamines made me slowly start to spiral into an abyss of thoughts, emotions and every possible sensation at once, then shifting with the mushrooms influence to a more extreme and multi faceted experience of pain, pleasure and anguish all at the same time.
As mushrooms take you on a journey, it feels like you have done something wrong to some extent, poisoned yourself or opened some forbidden Pandora’s box as you body fights to regain control; to finite your perception.
I later referred to this as ‘watching infinity through finite eyes’.
This is a supreme explanation in my view because your mind is attempting to escape into the infinity of DMT hyperspace whilst your physical ‘mind’ coupled with the body and the ego, which binds you to these instances, attempt to regain ‘normality’ and composure. These effects, along with the strange and unenjoyable influence of the pill created a whirlpool or discomfort, confusion and fear as both elements of ‘you’ (the mind and body) disintegrate and move further and further apart whilst still being attached because of the ego’s persistence and your own presence in the physical world. This I see as the physical element clawing at the carpet as its being dragged away from your consciousness and is thus in a state of panic; one which inevitably infiltrates your mindset and thus influences the trip; usually in a difficult way.
This became more and more unbearable, even though the knowledge and experience from all my previous experiences reassured me that this was going to end. Once in this ‘void’ or place between worlds, its hard for your mind to stop and I became slowly but surely more and more overwhelmed with information.
As I found from this, it was not the dose’s effect on the trip at all. I question wether the dose really has such a great effect on the experience after having lived through this extreme intensity; even after much higher doses previously. I realize now that the more information, knowledge and wisdom the subject builds between psychedelic experiences, the more information will be pushed into your mindset whilst in the midst of a trip, all at once. Because my friend is the body to my mind (he works, I don’t, but I do all the research and mental enlightenment; then transfer it to him when we meet. It’s a degree of shamanism) he does not get this degree of effect because of the lesser amount of mental clutter, concepts and metaphysical equations that swirl and emanate from my mind on a daily basis; he was not effected, and thus never will be to the same extent.
This was the biggest realisation during this trip other than the self perpetuating thoughts that the mushrooms forced out of my brain and into all of my senses.
It just became too much to handle; I was clenching my fists and curled into a ball with intensity, if that helps clarify.
I could barley open my eyes as my mind was dragged further from my body and into infinity. I watched as I merged with everything in the room and my friend’s mindset also whilst still only just bearing the seemingly endless waterfall of knowledge spewing from my entity. My friend constantly reassured me and comforted me whilst seeing my discomfort and at the same time attempting to restrain his glee from his dose; he was having an awesome trip because he was in no way overwhelmed, he was just being, living, experiencing. At points, I could see his visuals as my own and as he vocally reacted and explained these visions, I could not only see the same thing but a different thing at the same time; it was just a different facet of the same experience; a connection I find permeates every one of my trips.
I then got up from the couch and made my way to the bed as we switched positions. He realised I needed the comfort more than he so he obliged with no hesitation.
As the light was again switched back on, I struggled to open my eyes but when I first laid them on the desk, covered with random trinkets and sheltering our bongs underneath, it broke into infinite fractions of light, became organic, gave out a golden, red glow and began to perform some kind of organic task like a bodily organ of light inside some gigantic metaphysical creature that was the room itself.
I then looked at the poster of a Native American man smoking a peace pipe with the words ‘smoke for peace’ above him. He constantly changed expression and moved metaphysically; we spoke without words for what seemed like a millennia.
After watching incredible visuals, both open and closed for hours and talking about our experience as we slowly returned to our bodies, the intensity became more and more bearable to a point where I could start enjoying everything in a much more lucid fashion. We talked for a while and discussed the nature of the intensity and the visuals; coming to this very conclusion and explaining ego death to the man who wanted so hard to experience something he already had.
After this, we made our way upstairs because my mate needed to boil and concoct a herbal tea for his minor psoriasis. This was during the massively euphoric comedown as I realised the mushrooms reward any difficulty with equal pleasure after the fact. We talked for more time as we made, then strained the foul smelling brew whilst looking at his marble bench top which looks like the surface of Jupiter, and while tripping it moves in the same way. Very cool!
By the time we had returned to his room the trip had completely subsided and we talked about the concepts of fractal theory, chaos theory and the simplicity of the universe. We also discussed the frailty of the majority of the population’s ideals and concepts of what reality is and laughed at some ridiculous religious beliefs that seemed hilarious to our enlightened minds, yet we didn’t mock the nature of love that religion brings, only the control that it exerts.
Well that’s it people; the most intense trip I have experienced to date. I gained much from the painful dysphoria as much as I did the utter pleasure of the comedown and all my previous journeys into hyperspace. I hope you guys gain some wisdom from this and don’t judge the relative nature of the experience on finite perception or purely on the physical dose itself, for as I found, it plays little if any role.
Peace.
