I have a big issue I need help with

[Nanosage]

Please read this I really do need some help this time and its really long I dont think I'd wanna read it either..

Lol here goes my complaining again, but I recently got prescribed ADD meds, I have tried every single one because they keep switching it around and my favorite by far was the focalin. I dont use it for speed, it really does help me in school A LOT. Seriously my grades went from D's, C's, and the occasional F's, too B's, A's, and the occasional C. They really help me just so so much.. But I really hate the way they make me feel.. I know the medicine thing isn't placebo, because its the feeling the drug gives me that makes me want to do the work and be productive.. It really does. Having a good diet has been helping me out too, but whenever I take my meds I just don't feel good.. I dont feel like I used too ya know? They really make me happy sometimes, and working more fun. But I just don't like how different I feel.. I miss the old days were I always felt sober and happy unless I was high in which case I was high and happy.. I mean I really NEED these meds but I really hate taking them.. I take them as a last resort jbecause before I started on them, I improved my diet for about 3-4 months, drank a lot of water and green tea, a lot of fruit and veggies.. I ate like something sweet so seldomly.. I didn't care.. Now good food is just my taste. I like it better than anything thats bad for me for some reason.. Anyways, I just really don't like the meds, but I can't get off of them because I seriously absolutely need them to do school.. I tried not taking them several times.. I even went 2 weeks without it once, and every single day I couldn't even function in school.. I would read the same sentence over and over and keep forgetting.. I think I got WAY to Dependant on these things and it really sucks, like the teachers kept telling me to pay attention when I thought I was just looking at the board for two seconds. I quit cigarettes a few months ago too maybe that has something to do with it. I just really need to find out some way out you know? I need to find something that will take away this annoying 'speed' feeling if you would even call it that, and hand back my sobriety.. I fucking hate it.

Your guys' advice in the first place was not to take them, which I should have followed but nothing was working, I just turned to it and it really helps with school seriously like I said I cant even do school without them.. Its making me depressed a little, like I keep tearing up for no reason, sometimes I cry for no reason.. Its rediculous because I'm not even really sad.. I'm more pissed off at the situation, because why? I mean there is always something.. And everyone else somehow deals with it.. Just how do people even do it?

Whats the worst is I have terrible mood swings.. I'm like a girl I swear and that pisses me off even more.. Like I'll go to bed thinking 'jesus christ just fucking die please so I have a fucking excuse for all this to end' and then I'll wake up saying 'I fucking love life!' but there is always something every day that ruins it.. Why am I so fucked up in the head? I went to a psychologist for awhile, and he taught me how to further my meditation, and it helps, but the anger and misery comes back in a few hours.. I mean there is kids at my school that always vent about this shit, and they annoy me, so I don't want to talk to anyone who is affiliated with me personally about this because I don't want to be seen as that type of person. I don't want attention I guess and they do.. But on a forum I dont really give a shit.. Please please help me out I'm sure some of you guys understand and have been in a weird situation like this before..

And for those who don't know me I am 16 and used to be pretty annoying on this forum I think lol

 

[itsscience]

Mate, that sounds like a very, very serious problem. I sympathise with you but I can't offer any advice other than to say with a problem this serious be very wary of the advice that may be given on online forums.

A lot of what you describe sounds like depression so perhaps you could start by calling a depression help line.

Keep your chin up, the world is a confusing place when you're 16 but it does get better.

 

[ophiuchus]

stop smoking weed or taking that "dyh..." shit or whatever it was. that is the main reason why you can't concentrate. you are most likely throwing your natural chemical balance all out of whack, at a crucial time in your developement. your hormones are already goin crazy as opposed to what your body has been used to for the first 12-14 years of your life. let the chemical reactions in your body go back to their natural state, ei NO(or extremely limited quantities) mind altering substances, and you should notice some difference. but dont quit the medicine the doctors gave you cold turkey. in order to be safe and better off all around, you should slowly wean yourself off of it. hope this helps, shit will even out fairly soon, your hormones are going crazy right now, part of why you have mood swings. it's all natural, no worries

 

[Nanosage]

stop smoking weed or taking that "dyh..." shit or whatever it was. that is the main reason why you can't concentrate. you are most likely throwing your natural chemical balance all out of whack, at a crucial time in your developement. your hormones are already goin crazy as opposed to what your body has been used to for the first 12-14 years of your life. let the chemical reactions in your body go back to their natural state, ei NO(or extremely limited quantities) mind altering substances, and you should notice some difference. but dont quit the medicine the doctors gave you cold turkey. in order to be safe and better off all around, you should slowly wean yourself off of it. hope this helps, shit will even out fairly soon, your hormones are going crazy right now, part of why you have mood swings. it's all natural, no worries

I TOTALLY quit the diph, I used to like it, but after awhile it just made me feel like shit ALL THE TIME. I really did completely quit that stuff a few months ago, I don't even wanna touch it. I gave it ALL away because I had pill bottle galore of the shit in my air hockey table.. But see the weed, I can't really stop that.. I don't smoke everyday or anything anymore, I've REALLY been trying to focus on my priorities or whatever.. I've been trying to tell myself the whole 'weed only makes you stupid if you believe it makes you stupid' thing, and it works with school work.. But seriously my hormones are out of whack, I guess that really is what the main problem is.. But how does everyone else deal with it? No one else my age seems to have the problem.. I mean there is a few who do and they will openly talk about it with me but only two of my friends are the only ones, and they both have the same thing in common, their mom or dad just died less than 5 years ago.. Sometimes I feel like I dont even have the right to be so sad about my life and I think about how bad theirs is.. It can't even compare.. How do they deal with it?

A better question would be, when does it end?

I really haven't posted on here in a long time and I really always appreciated your guys help, especially allusion

Also, I have quit weed for a whole month once, and I think thats what made the shit not even matter to me anymore.. Sometimes I don't even want to smoke, like my friends will be in their circle or whatever and I'll just say 'pass me' I just I barely even like smoking anymore because it just makes me paranoid the entire time and I really don't like dealing with that..

The psychologist thing.. It just doesn't help.. He told me to write down my feelings in a journal so I started to do that. Just nothing worked.. I don't know if I seriously am just depressed beyond whatever.. But I don't even think I can be that sad.. Like it doesn't even make sense.

Seriously, when does this end?

 

[Nanosage]

Mate, that sounds like a very, very serious problem. I sympathise with you but I can't offer any advice other than to say with a problem this serious be very wary of the advice that may be given on online forums.

A lot of what you describe sounds like depression so perhaps you could start by calling a depression help line.

Keep your chin up, the world is a confusing place when you're 16 but it does get better

I am wary about the advice givin on the forums, but most people on this one are nice and not a bunch of asshole unlike many many other forums lol, I've asked for help here before and its all good advice, I just can't freakin fix myself.. Like I don't even wanna do anything anymore. For instance. I had a snow day today. Me and a friend were planning to shovel driveways for some cash.. I just wanted to sleep, and literally ditched him and turned my phone off and slept until about an hour ago.. I just waste my days over and over again.. I don't even really care what I'm missing out on, I just want to skip it..

I dont even know how I'm gonna function as an adult.. I seriously don't want to grow up EVER. I dont want a job, I could really give a shit less about getting my license because then I'll have to pay insurance and then I would have to get a job.. I realize EVERYONE has to do it.. But I don't want to. I would honestly rather die then grow up for 5 more years.. And its fucked up, I just really really need some help.

To be honest the only reason why I haven't offed myself all this time is because of everyone I know.. Like my parents and my mom classmates.. Siblings.. If I died then what would THEY do, then they would be in a worse position than I am and I really don't want that for them. So I can't even just say fuck it.. I NEED to find some way to just deal with it.. I just know, I KNOW, I'm probably just gonna end up on the streets asking for change just to buy some popov to drink until I puke.. I see myself that way and I want to fix it.. I've been making good grades but I just don't want to deal with anything more than what I'm already dealing with..

Sorry for making this so god damn depressing.. I wont kill myself or anything, but I will say that I would if I could.. I really dont want you guys to think im some emo either, even though I'm completely acting like one.. Depression runs like crazy in my family and I know my dads the same way I am because when I'm at his house we wil drink a bit and play games and we always both end up crying talking about how we are pieces of shit(Of course him being a dad tells me that I'm not.. But I'm pretty sure I know I am) I just don't want to work for anything, I'm a lazy asshole.. Jesus christ I need to stop talking.. Sorry guys lol

 

[itsscience]

Perhaps you could try exerting a conscious effort at improving the quality of your thoughts. The dominant thoughts in our minds tend to produce like phenomenon in our daily lives. If you constantly think to yourself, "I'm shit and worthless" chances are you will eventually be "shit and worthless" - we end up becoming or experiencing that which dominates our thoughts.

I've come to realise recently that I've been suffering depression for some time now. I separated from my wife about a year ago and now she lives in what was our family home with our two children (5 & 7). I've been plagued with thoughts that I'm a useless father, that my children would be better off without me or that I'd love to be dead but the thing is all these things are just thoughts and our thoughts are our own, they give us freedom because no one can own them or control. We and we alone are the masters of our thoughts.

You just need to be vigilant. Keep an eye out for the negative thoughts and emotions and when you recognise that you are thinking/feeling them make a conscious effort to force yourself to think positive thoughts. When you tell yourself you suck, answer forcefully and with feeling BULLSHIT - I FUCKING ROCK AND I'M GONNA KEEP ON FUCKING ROCKING! If you can keep that up eventually it will (I hope) become second nature and you will eventually retrain your mind to having predominantly positive thoughts/feelings. I'm going to try and do this as well and I'll post back here occasionally to let you know how I'm going, I'd appreciate it if you could do the same for me.

I sympathise with you no end my friend but take comfort in the thought that there's a lot of us feeling the same way as you, probably none of us have the answer but we're all battling the same demons and we can and usually do win.

I am going to swim in the ocean now and then I'm going to visit a mate. Both these things make me happy (the ocean recharges me better than anything I know). I've sat within the darkness of my mind for too long and told myself I couldn't be bothered going out, or shaving, or showering, or working etc but I just have to open the curtains on my mind and let the light shine in. You can do it man, take some time to do something purely for your own pleasure, give yourself some light because YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT - WE ALL DO!

 

[IJesusChrist]

Well, firstly do not be so quick to label it as anything. It may be natural - hormones and what not, it may also not be - the past use of drugs have fucked up your cycles.

The real issue here is you took drugs too young. When your body was developing towards a straight line, a biological "goal" if you will - you thre it a curve ball, and now the normal growth needs to reset itself.

LAY OFF EVERYTHING. How old are you 15? 16? Yeah you need to quit until you're 19-20. Sure, weed 2, 3 times a month ain't gonna do shit, and if you know how to exacerbate your speed drugs that would help as well. I personally take methylin (ritalin) for school. The difference between me and every other fucking pharma junkie is that I'm rarely taking over 1.25 mg of the shit. I have the lowest dosage pill, 5mg and I cut it into fours. I use the extra concentration I get from the pill to motivate my present concentration.

I do not take the pill when I am unmotivated - it's only natural to be in such a state. But when I am motivated, and need to STAY motivated, I take my 1.25. On top of that, I wouldn't condone this, but it works (and I'll explain why later), is taking a supplement of the racetam family. Piracetam is now only available by big pharma, but oxy and a few others are still up for grabs legally.

Take a racetam THE DAY BEFORE you need to concentrate - a test, a quiz, a homework assignment. Then, take a half or quarter of your normal speed drug on the day of. The racetams "open up" your brain to be more susceptible so speed. However, all it is doing is using up more of your natural biochemistry - so you will feel a crash even with a quarter of a normal dose.

I AM ONLY CONDONEING THIS BECAUSE THE RACETAMS SEEM TO HAVE VERY LITTLE BAD EFFECTS. But, it is still not the best answer, I digress.

The best answer is to be completely sober until you develope to a point where your biology can maintain it's track even with consciousness altering substances.

 

[dirk.bruere]

You say the drug helps you, but you don't like its side effects.
How about taking less of it, but not actually cutting it out altogether?

 

[ArthBH]

I smoke weed, take shrooms, and also a variety of other psychedelics if I can get my hands on them, and I have only just turned 17. I have no problems at all. If anything, the drugs have helped me to grow up a bit and learn about who I am. I try to be responsible though, and I know when to stop. Its great because I have no responsibilities, so no worries. I know people like to blame problems they have on the drugs, but it may not always be the case. I always think of it as an inverted placebo effect. People start taking drugs, then they start having a few mental problems. The mental problems may not actually be linked, but they just assume it to be the drugs, and they start to worry and stress because drugs are so taboo, and this only makes it worse. I always like to refer to the case of Anneliese Michel... it was only after people told her that she was possessed that things got really bad, and people failed to acknowledge her fierce Catholic upbringing and her tradition of sleeping on the floor and fasting for all the sinners of the world as possible clue to as to why she may have gone so mental.

However, due to the fact that I am very skeptical about prescribed drugs, especially ones that are supposed to help 'personality disorders', I am inclined to believe you. Have you tried real weed? It has been proven to help a vast range of mental health problems, including ADD and ADHD, and in studies its been shown to help ADD sufferers concentrate the day after smoking it.

 

[itsscience]

Well it seems like everyone else's answer is to take drugs, pharmaceutical or illegal.

I find something quite disturbing about the way we are so quick to turn to external sources to solve our internal conflicts. I understand that this is a drug forum but most also realise that you shouldn't take drugs on a daily basis for a long period of time and certainly not psychedelics.

This kid seems to be truly suffering and a lot of what he describes ticks the boxes for the symptoms of depression (there are heaps of depression related sites out there with checklists of typical symptoms of depression.

Life wasn't meant to be easy Nanosage and there are very few, if any, quick fixes. It will probably be the case that the ritalin (or whatever) will help you and hopefully you'll be able to very slowly lessen the amount you need. Good luck with it all, persevere and it will get better eventually.

 

[ArthBH]

Itsscience, ritalin has been shown to have a similar effect on the heart as cocaine. You say about not taking drugs to sort out his problems, but ritalin is a dam sight worse than cannabis. I would recommend cannabis to an 8yr old over giving him ritalin.

 

[itsscience]

Geez Art, all I can say is I'm glad you're not a doctor.

 

[ArthBH]

Why are you on this forum if you know nothing about substances? And being rude instead of explaining to me why I am wrong is a sure sign that you really don't know anything about it. Just because the government says its ok, doesn't mean it is. Congratulations on being successfully brainwashed.

I suggest you watch this and learn a bit:

 

[itsscience]

Thanks Art, I'm really glad there's a 17 year old on here who can teach me about drugs!

I would recommend cannabis to an 8yr old over giving him ritalin.

This is the most ridiculous statement I have read. This is a forum about drugs, yes but not a forum about the irresponsible use of drugs. Giving cannabis to an 8 year old whilst their body and brain is still developing is patently absurd and hence the reason I'm glad you're not a doctor (or voting or even driving a car).

 

[ArthBH]

More absurd than giving him something as harmful as cocaine? I didn't say it was a good thing to give 8yr olds cannabis, even medicinally, but I did say that I would rather do it than give him ritalin, which as I said is as damaging as cocaine, and when kids are taken off it they have to be given a substitute in order to stop them from having withdrawal. The OP however isn't 8yrs old, and I say definately that he should choose cannabis over ritalin.

And what makes you think that eating cannabis is so dangerous anyway? You think its as dangerous as the shit they put in most soft drinks or crap food? I seriously doubt it. And btw, having to refer to the same post again, and being condescending is another sign of someone really struggling. Yes, my views are not 'socially acceptable', but unfortunately for creeps like you who can't bare the thought of thinking outside of the system, I really don't give a fuck. I see the facts, and I tell it like it is. I mean, only 60 years ago it wasn't socially acceptable for blacks in America to sit at the front of the bus, so that just goes to show how much what 'society thinks' is actually anything more than a load of bullshit. And don't pretend thats not relevant, as is typical with your kind, if you can't see the point I'm making then thats a result of your own lack of intelligence.

 

[IJesusChrist]

Giving an 8 year old cannabis can have severe consequences.

Cannabis psychosis is a the real deal, and the relation is the earlier you start smoking thc, you exponentially increase your risk for schizophrenia...

which can or cannot be a bad thing...

 

[Nanosage]

I'm just gonna put this all aside for a post, but my little brother who is now 9, has been taking a 70mg dose of vyvanse every day for about 4 years. I took some of them once a really long time ago.. Well fuck it.. A few months ago.. and I don't even know how that little guy can handle it.. But I can DEFINITELY tell he is pretty whacked in the head. he seriously wants to KILL my little 4 year old sister. My parents have to put them in separate rooms because they are perfectly cute little kids until they are put together.. But, I don't know if its making him stupid.. I really wouldn't say that, to be honest I'm kinda convinced hes a genius. I mean you should see some of the shit he draws. All he does is just sit around and make sculptures out of toilet paper, street tar, pennies, whatever he can find. He makes monster armies out of little pieces of paper to guard his treasure chest that literally has 400 something dollars in it.. I have never seen the kid spend a penny, and he picks up every penny he sees, if we are at the grocery store, and he sees a penny, its his and if you even touch it he flips out.

He really is a smart kid though I don't get it, I felt stupid off only taking one of those for 4 days and then stopping. I couldn't stop twitching and stuff.. I mean I guess he has a tolerance, but that stuff was just intense.. Plus his vocabulary is bigger than half the people I know at my school. I don't know if that is the medicine doing that to him, or because he was kinda uncontrollable when he was REAL little, I don't really remember because I was little too, but thats the whole reason why he got put on it.. But the thing is I know the medicine still gets him really speedy because his pupils are bigger than mine look on anything, and once he starts talking about something.. Its done, you are gonna hear about it for hourssssss....

But I don't think the medicine is terrible unhealthy I'm onl prescribed a 15mg dose of focalin XR. I mean I really don't like taking it, but the problem is I don;t think I can do school without it, what jesus said might work so I'm definitely gonna give that a shot. But I still think there is some underlying issue anyways, because I remember back as a little kid I used to be just miserable and paranoid all the time, except for when I went to my dads.. But I know there is a REALLY long line of depression in my family, because my dad has like 3 or 4 people on his side that have committed suicide, or overdosed themselves to death.. And I have seen my dad break down and cry before when I was real little.. He hasn't done it recently, but I can tell he is miserable. He does the same thing everyday at a office job, has a druggie son who can't keep his shit together, two little kids, a child support bill every month... , but I can understand why he would at that point. He had no job, just got divorced, had to pay child support, and was living with his stoner friend.. Hell I would be crying everyday too. Plus he was an alcoholic, everyone on his side is and was. He isn't anymore after he got his last DUI, he still drinks on the weekends or whatever but come on give the man a break! If you go to one of their houses that used to be me and everyone elses vacation spot until I got caught, was family gatherings because everyone would be to drunk to notice us taking a bit and getting shit faced too.. I think the drinking at the younger ages is what got me more.. I drank at least once a week in 6th grade and smoked cigarettes.. Never started weed until freshman, so last year..

I don't REALLY wanna say thats the reason, but if its hereditary wtf am I supposed to do? I'm telling myself it isn't, and trying to convince myself, and obviously I am the only one with the power to do that.. But what if it really is? I remember having suicidal thoughts back in like 4th grade and me and my cousins would always have conversations about how we would kill ourselves if we weren't too scared to die. And thats not even my problem anymore, now its just I don;t wanna hurt everyone else, because I know if anyone they are the ones who give a fuck because they are probably in a worse state than I am!

It just feels like I never get a break, ever. I sound like some chick on her period, but no joke. NEVER. I am paranoid constantly, if I'm not worrying about my grades, I'm worrying about the last bad grade I got. If I'm not worrying about what all my friends think of me, I'm worried about my step dad or mom coming downstairs to yell at me for some stupid shit. I am just ALWAYS worried about something, like whenever I hear someone laughing in class I automatically assume they are laughing at something I am doing, like I just think, "Is my hair fucked up?" "Did I make a weird noise?", just constantly and it won't fucking stop and it just gives me a huge headache and if I had a vagina it would be bleeding constantly. I don't know if that last statement was necessary, but I'm kinda pissed just thinking about all this shit right now..

 

[ophiuchus]

And what makes you think that eating cannabis is so dangerous anyway? You think its as dangerous as the shit they put in most soft drinks or crap food?

it's not that cannabis is "worse" or "better", it's more of a matter of cannabis having much more pronounced effects than anything else we are talking about... and isaac newton still has yet to be proven wrong on this one... "what goes up, must come down." when you SMOKE weed, you get a really strong effect from it. your thoughts increase, you have more energy and your general awareness is raised; and if you have ZERO tolerance , then this can last about an hour. 1 hour. and if you do have a tolerance, it lasts maybe a half hour. now lets be generous, and look at this. out of say 16 hours that you are awake during the day... 1/16 is not going to get you through school. at all. cause what happens after that? you come down. you crash. anything that goes up comes down. you lose energy, get tired, lose the ability to focus, lose awareness and this generally leads one to want to sleep. so this isn't even valid to bring up as a point when talking about depression and getting through school, because for three times as long as the duration of your high, all you wanna do is sleep...

i've not experienced much success with eating cannabis yet, still working on my technique, aside from the fact that i have rarely even been using cannabis in the past few months, so as far as this goes i dont have ALOT to say. however, on mushrooms, i have noticed an effect lasting more than 6 hours. while i dont doubt that a cannabis experience could last six hours, i seriously doubt, without feeling i need to verify, that the energy gained from eating cannabis can even compare at all. i feel that the effects may definitely last more than 6 hours, but the "positive" "energetic" effects will last no more than 2. and even if they did, this would be a considerable amount, and therefore NOT a sustainable option. in other words you can't give your kid a huge amount of cannabis all the time and expect it do SHIT but make the problem even MORE complex...

DRUGS ARE NOT THE ANSWER.

what have we learned so far? YES, society as a collective is still a newborn, we don't hardly know our ass from our elbow. so in this regard, i think that the solution lies far outside the boundaries of society, even though our interaction with it is still important, and crucial to understand. but we have to learn to walk before we can run. what this means is the solution is going to lie within the self. because we are dealing with a "problem"(depression) of the self, right?

one has to learn how to change, not through force, but by simply going with the flow. one must change, because the current state does not produces desired effects. it is because the universe is changing all the time, that you dont NEED to DO anything in order to change, in fact, all you have to do is relax when you feel tense, and the change happens, you LET the change happen. it will, guaranteed. and the more one relaxes, the quicker the perception of the change takes place. just float downstream. your trying to anchor yourself to something that is constantly moving, it's impossible! water flowing down a stream does not have an instinctual worry to avoid hitting rocks or sticks does it? yet it does encounter them. it doesn't worry at all, it doesn't pre-meditate it's encounter with them, it simply flows right past and through them. and the passage of time creates new avenues for the water to flow. you know, the human body, the only thing you really KNOW, is about 2/3 water... a river can teach just as well as a professor.


i think the main problem with this is dosage