Vark
Matrice périnatale
- Inscrit
- 20 Juin 2013
- Messages
- 6
I need a new life or at least a new way to live the one I have. Although I have people around me, I am alone. I really don’t know if it is too late or even possible to change my life. But, here goes…
I am a 58 year long haired known who's lost his way and to make things worse I'm stuck in Thunder Bay, Ontario Canada.
I NEED a major change! Just have to escape the insanity for a week, a month, a year, hell the rest of my life. Psychedelics, self reflection and rest, is anybody with me? I could just hop a flight to SF or LA and lay on the beach. Lots of 3 letter shit there but I have an ancient pot charge so that's out. Really, really want to do DMT. Must be someplace in the world where smoke-able DMT is easy to find? Any idea's? Peru's out, I'm alone, the trip is scary, never been on my own, seriously, never been on my own. Plus, I'm not in the best of health. I've become unbelievably lethargic, lazy and short tempered.
I am an atheist, although I believe everything is connected and that there is much more. Amongst other things I am/was a professional musician, comedian, writer, serious drunk and asshole for the last 35 plus years. Stoned, drunk I've been able to somewhat survive (function). I drank to avoid speaking up, following my heart, doing the right thing.
From as early in childhood as I can remember, I have been the same. I do not understand, greed, disease, war, pollution, banks, money, starvation …, inhumanity after inhumanity. Shit that can and should/must be fixed, shit that seriously keeps me up at night. I see suffering and death in every company logo ... political campaign. If one child suffers, every child suffers, if one person dies, we all die a little.
EVERYONE SHOULD BE DEVOTING 99% OF THEIR TIME TO FIXING THIS!! But their not, WHY? where is humanity and WHAT DO I DO? I hid from it for years with alcohol, tried hard not to be empathic, to fit in almost died trying. Sober now, can't sleep, worry, what do I do about it? can't do anything? can I? The only way I sleep 1/2 well is a bit of pot, it calms my brain down enough to sleep in the day I just seem to worry about what to do, this goes on day after day after day ... sober 4 years now and I am functioning less and less, this has to change, I have to change, really really soon!
Or I'll get drunk and DIE!!! Maybe skip the drunk part, the end anyway, horrible way to die, drunk. I’ve had many wonderful experiences with psychedelics many years ago, thought they were truly mind expanding.
I really think I need something like this, need to find some purpose, need to CONNECT, find at least my humanity, some answers if indeed answers exist.
Don't know if anyone can help or even cares to, just thought I’d inquire.
Viable options/advise/travel companions/opinions/diagnoses welcomed and appreciated.
Vark
I am a 58 year long haired known who's lost his way and to make things worse I'm stuck in Thunder Bay, Ontario Canada.
I NEED a major change! Just have to escape the insanity for a week, a month, a year, hell the rest of my life. Psychedelics, self reflection and rest, is anybody with me? I could just hop a flight to SF or LA and lay on the beach. Lots of 3 letter shit there but I have an ancient pot charge so that's out. Really, really want to do DMT. Must be someplace in the world where smoke-able DMT is easy to find? Any idea's? Peru's out, I'm alone, the trip is scary, never been on my own, seriously, never been on my own. Plus, I'm not in the best of health. I've become unbelievably lethargic, lazy and short tempered.
I am an atheist, although I believe everything is connected and that there is much more. Amongst other things I am/was a professional musician, comedian, writer, serious drunk and asshole for the last 35 plus years. Stoned, drunk I've been able to somewhat survive (function). I drank to avoid speaking up, following my heart, doing the right thing.
From as early in childhood as I can remember, I have been the same. I do not understand, greed, disease, war, pollution, banks, money, starvation …, inhumanity after inhumanity. Shit that can and should/must be fixed, shit that seriously keeps me up at night. I see suffering and death in every company logo ... political campaign. If one child suffers, every child suffers, if one person dies, we all die a little.
EVERYONE SHOULD BE DEVOTING 99% OF THEIR TIME TO FIXING THIS!! But their not, WHY? where is humanity and WHAT DO I DO? I hid from it for years with alcohol, tried hard not to be empathic, to fit in almost died trying. Sober now, can't sleep, worry, what do I do about it? can't do anything? can I? The only way I sleep 1/2 well is a bit of pot, it calms my brain down enough to sleep in the day I just seem to worry about what to do, this goes on day after day after day ... sober 4 years now and I am functioning less and less, this has to change, I have to change, really really soon!
Or I'll get drunk and DIE!!! Maybe skip the drunk part, the end anyway, horrible way to die, drunk. I’ve had many wonderful experiences with psychedelics many years ago, thought they were truly mind expanding.
I really think I need something like this, need to find some purpose, need to CONNECT, find at least my humanity, some answers if indeed answers exist.
Don't know if anyone can help or even cares to, just thought I’d inquire.
Viable options/advise/travel companions/opinions/diagnoses welcomed and appreciated.
Vark
