About my girlfriend....

[mysticwarrior]

Hey guys, i think i can use some advice. I hope this sounds not to silly, but a fact is that i get frustrated about things that happen around me at this moment. I have a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. We shared a lot of great times and bad times, but recently a new guy appeared at the company where she works, this guy is gay. Well i think there is nothing wrong with that. But last week she talked about him with me, and i saw here eyes blinking, she told me that she felt connected with this guy. For me It felt if she had some love feelings for this guy. Well i thought, i am happy that know that he is gay. But..... She constantly is have telephone conversation with him, and sends him a lot of SMS.

This already made me think, but now something else happend. This gay guy is gonna live this week, a view houses away from where we live. And she is planning to walk out his and mine dogs with him. She normally would not walk with me and the dogs. She also wanting to go out with him to some party's etc.

I know this guy is gay, but the fact that he is a man and doing things with my girlfriend which i cannot do with here myself, starts to play with my emotions. I feel frustrated about this and also getting jealous. I already tried to talk with here about it, but she says that he is gay so i don't need to worry about it. But i just do, because he is a man and my girlfriend seems to have more fun with him then with me.

Well, is it strange that i am worrying about this and having these thoughts? What would you think if this happened to you? What would you guys have done, if this same think happened to you? I am really curious what other people think about this. Because it's making me feel really sick. Well, after almost 5 years i finnally realise that relationships are damn hard to handle :S

Greets,
Mysticwarrior.

 

[skrudge]

Hey man, sorry to hear this. I'd feel exactly the same if I were you. A man is a man, gay or not. Maybe it's out natural reaction to seeing our women having fun around other men. Then we get jealous. At least, I do. And they'd better not touch my girl or they're in for some fun. Not the best reaction from my side, I have to work on that, I know.

But, Mystic, if I were you I'd talk some more about it, and don't be afraid to show how you feel. I don't think you're afraid, after a relationship of five years. I'm just saying it to be sure. Tell her why you feel jealous, ask her why she wants to do all that stuff with this guy and not with you... Just be open about it if you don't feel safe.

It's the only suggestion I have, talk talk talk. And ask. Asking might be best of all, but don't make it a questioning, or she'd feel attacked. It works in my relationship all the time.

Good luck and all the best

peace

 

[Sticki]

Hi mate,

I think your behaviour is rather normal for the situation, Turn the situation on her 8)

Ask her - How would you feel if I wanted to do things and spend my time with a girl who is a lesbian???

Tell her - She would have nothing to worry about cus she was gay...

If she doesnt see things from your point of view... Then go and find a lesbian friend that you click with and Go to parties with her, Take her dog walking and invite her round for dinner 3 nights a week. See how she feels then :wink:

If it gets to the latter Id imagine your relationship to start to crumble so be ready for the worst possible out come.

Or

Maybe you should just level with her, Say you find it hard to deal with and need a little extra re-assurance becuase you feel insecure ( I say "Because you feel insecure" but this makes women think one of 2 things then - "Cheater" or "Cheated on", Id pin it on the 2nd before her mind wonders). Say something like, Your missing her company and doing your regular activities like walking the dogs, going out and so on. If she cant see things from your point of view, maybe she isnt the person she used to be and you need to try and find the girl you met and came to love again or (Hard as it sounds ) Move on.

I hope you get the outcome you want mate 8)

 

[magickmumu]

i don't think you should be worried. Talk to your girlfriend about the situation. I think everything will turn out fine.

 

[magickpencil]

your reaction is normal but it is not rational
the deficiency, unfortunately, is on your part
BUT there is hope because all you have to realize is that the bond you share w her is unique and unreplicatable
you are not being replaced by any means; she has more FUN w him than w you?, why does this matter?
one individual can never entirely cater to every need of a nother individual, there are no perfect matches, et cetera, et cetera
a nother can never fill in the role you play in your girlfriends life, that is just impossible
have you personally ever stopped associating w Friend X because a new aquaintance, Friend Y, is "better?"
i've not, i hope you've not: it's silly

 

[druglessdouglas]

many women like gay men as friends because the are not a threat, they are not competition like other women nor are they "just after one thing". you should get to know him yourself, he may turn out to be a good friend. your going to have to accept him one way or another if he is part of your girlfriends life. any resentment you hold will affect your relationship negatively and that isnt what you want

this is a good opportunity for self improvement

 

[Mara]

i don't think you should be worried. Talk to your girlfriend about the situation. I think everything will turn out fine.

+1

I don't think she is doing this on purpose. Share your thoughts... I am surprised you didn't do this already after a relationship of 5 years. I can immagine you feel ignored though... I would feel the same.

If she doesnt see things from your point of view... Then go and find a lesbian friend that you click with and Go to parties with her, Take her dog walking and invite her round for dinner 3 nights a week. See how she feels then

I don't think this is a very good plan. You shouldn't do to others what you don't want to experience yourself... (you know the dutch saying, warrior)

But do say you miss her full attention. Just be honest. In a sensitive way. :wink:

Keep us updated.

ps. Is she a psychonaut btw? We have wondeful female section called "Way of the Goddess".

 

[mysticwarrior]

First of all, thanx for all your different view points! Right now, she is pistoff on me. I complained about it, and i did let my emotions go. So think i need to live with it, she won't let this guy friend fall. I am sure about that.

A man is a man, gay or not. Maybe it's out natural reaction to seeing our women having fun around other men.

I also thought about this.

[quote ="skrudge"]
Not the best reaction from my side, I have to work on that, I know. [/quote] I also need to work on that, and i think i need to do this really fast.

Ask her - How would you feel if I wanted to do things and spend my time with a girl who is a lesbian???

I have done that, and that is also one of the reasons why she is right now angry on me.

BUT there is hope because all you have to realize is that the bond you share w her is unique and unreplicatable
you are not being replaced by any means; she has more FUN w him than w you?, why does this matter?

That is something to think about. I think my ego is standing in my way.

many women like gay men as friends because the are not a threat, they are not competition like other women nor are they "just after one thing".

I know this, and it scares me a little bit.

But do say you miss her full attention. Just be honest. In a sensitive way. Wink

I think i gonna try this when she calm down a bit.

ps. Is she a psychonaut btw? We have wondeful female section called "Way of the Goddess". Very Happy

If tripped a view times together with my girlfriend, but no she is not really interested in psychonaut things. I wish she was

Again thanx for you advice guys, i think i just have to overcome this nasty emotions that play with me. So there is work to handle!

Greets,
Mysticwarrior.

 

[Sticki]

Its hard to say what to do in these situations really, When you know nothing about the people.

She probably see's it as immature that you ask her such a question gauging by her reaction and it seems like you, yourself may be thinking that you have a slight problem with the situation and that you may need to adjust your attitude to it.

Maybe the 3 of you and maybe more should go out to a pub, Have a few drinks. See how you get on with the bloke and what you consider him to be like? You never know maybe one day soon you may be laughing about this

Good luck mate

P.S. I hope you never asked her that question becuase I said to :?

 

[GOD]

If it were me i`d say "baby i need to talk, i feel hurt and insecure , please sort this out with me" . I she wouldnt do it to my satisfaction i would GO . If she loves you she will , if she doesnt clöear it up she doesnt love you . You dont hurt or use people you love , you talk and try to understand . If you talk try to get things straight and get her to tell you what she wants and tell her that she should give you some security . If she breaks her word or is more intimate , has a better time with him than with you DROP HER . Bye bye baby . You arent a doormat and if someone plays games with your emotions they arent worth it .

Think about i and draw lines and dont go over them .

If my girlfriend was more happy with another man than with me she can fuck off and be happy with him because she doesnt love me .

That was the printable version .

Be strong , be clear and be consequent .

 

[magickmumu]

He is gay?

 

[Lion]

she said he was gay.. so nothing could happen. but she didn't say; ooh baby i love YOU, why the fuck would i mess with another man

so yeah i don't know.. maybe the girls here can clarify that?

 

[Carebear]

You`re gonna be fine man :wink: Stop the worrying, Be glad your girl is enjoying life.

 

[????????]

Have you even met the guy? what if he's a really cool guy and that's why she enjoys his company?

 

[Mara]

she said he was gay.. so nothing could happen. but she didn't say; ooh baby i love YOU, why the fuck would i mess with another man

so yeah i don't know.. maybe the girls here can clarify that?

I agree with you. She should clarify things. I also don't like the fact she is pissed off.

If my love would have problems with me hanging out with another guy, gay or not, I would reassure him that he is the only one for me. Being pissed off is a sign for me that she is not thinking about you and only about herself. Or maybe she is angry at herself for not seeing she was hurting you?

How is she now mystic? Still angry? Or did she think about things and started talking to you again?

 

[GOD]

Well said Mara .

If i have a relationship i talk to my friend and explain that if we are together we have to show ourselves and others that we are together and that they have no chance . That the partner comes first . If that doesnt happen i GO . A relationship isnt a prison , both partners have exfriends and friends of the oposite sex but they have the duty to make it clear that their partner is the number 1 and not to flirt with others . Someone who flirts with others isnt in love and cant be trusted .

 

[magickmumu]

Well said Mara .

If i have a relationship i talk to my friend and explain that if we are together we have to show ourselves and others that we are together and that they have no chance . That the partner comes first . If that doesnt happen i GO . A relationship isnt a prison , both partners have exfriends and friends of the oposite sex but they have the duty to make it clear that their partner is the number 1 and not to flirt with others . Someone who flirts with others isnt in love and cant be trusted .

I flirt with a lot of other girls. If you have trust in one another, there is no problem. .

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I flirt with a lot of other girls. If you have trust in one another, there is no problem.

Why would you trust the other if that other goes through life flirting with other girls or boys? Or what exactly do you mean with flirting? I don't flirt with anyone unless it is my intention to increase the level of intimacy. When you have a partner, you flirt with your partner. You're friendly to everyone else. GOD has spoken wisely here:

If i have a relationship i talk to my friend and explain that if we are together we have to show ourselves and others that we are together and that they have no chance . That the partner comes first . If that doesnt happen i GO .

 

[GOD]

I think i shall award myself another "Holy church of psychonuts mystery Kult Klub Klan" nobel prize .

 

[magickpencil]

I flirt with a lot of other girls. If you have trust in one another, there is no problem. .

i agree w this notion
if both parties are comfortable and confident w the strength of the relationship then it is possible to show attention elsewhere

If my girlfriend was more happy with another man than with me she can fuck off and be happy with him because she doesnt love me .

i disagree w this notion
a person w this mindset seems paranoid and insecure
not every one is constantly comparing people to one a nother, "who is better?, who gets more of my attention?"