About my girlfriend....

[Caduceus Mercurius]

if both parties are comfortable and confident w the strength of the relationship then it is possible to show attention elsewhere

Showing attention is not the same as flirting.


Flirting

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a sexual and/or romantic interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.

Flirting is often used as a means of expressing interest and gauging the other person's interest in courtship, which can continue into long-term relationships. Alternatively, it may simply be a prelude to casual sex with no continuing relationship.

In other situations, it may be done simply for immediate entertainment, with no intention of developing any further relationship. This type of flirting sometimes faces disapproval from others, either because it can be misinterpreted as more serious, or it may be viewed as "cheating" if the person is already in a romantic relationship with someone else.

People who flirt may speak and act in a way that suggests greater intimacy than is generally considered appropriate to the relationship (or to the amount of time the two people have known each other), without actually saying or doing anything that breaches any serious social norms. One way they accomplish this is to communicate a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used.

Flirting may consist of stylized gestures, language, body language, postures, and physiologic signs. Among these, at least in Western society, are:

* Eye contact, batting eyelashes, etc.
* "Protean" signals, such as touching one's hair
* Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation
* Smiling suggestively
* Winking
* Sending notes, poems, or small gifts
* Flattery
* Online chat is a common modern tactic, as well as other one-on-one and direct messaging services
* Footsie, the "feet under the table" practice
* Teasing
* Chance meeting
* Coyness, affectedly shy or modest, marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness

 

[Mara]

Why flirt when you don't want further intimicy?

In my opinion that is just asking for certain confirmations that you can only give to yourself.

 

[Psyolopher]

Well, i deff would get jealous if it would affect our relationship!
as in, a huge change in her behavior towards you!

If not, i'd prob dont bother! :)
Take it easy man.....just accept it!
its like what i do when i trip, when somethin is really annoying or kinda freaky.....I try to stop thinking for a moment and just accept it and let it flow thru!
Its hard to explain, but i figure you know what i mean!
Dont worry man, take it easy and accept it!
Peace

 

[Forkbender]

Why flirt when you don't want further intimicy?

What's wrong in this picture? Flirting in itself is never wrong. There is something behind it, called an intention. If the intention is wrong, so is flirting, if not then not. In other words: if you have the intention to go further with someone other than your gf/bf, it is already wrong. Expressing it by flirting is just the way this comes out.

Another thing: I think it is possible to both want and not want something at the same time. It is called indecision.

And believe me, you can flirt without wanting intimacy. It's called sales/marketing/politics.

In my opinion that is just asking for certain confirmations that you can only give to yourself.

Totally agreed.

 

[Bastiaan]

The way different people think differently about flirting, what it is, what it means and when it is appropriate can really confuse the hell out of me sometimes.. :?

Friendship relationships and love relationships can both be very intimate and I've often seen friendships turn into love relationships.
Therefor it is not strange at all that you feel the way that you are describing, gay or not, he is indeed a man and your girl is being quite intimate (as in friendship) with him and spending a lot of time with him.. I can imagine how you feel..
Perhaps you should emphasize the reason you feel this way is because you care about her.. you are happy for her that she has found a nice new friend and you realize that he is gay and so you don't need to worry.
But it's not natural to be able to turn a switch in your head this way, it keeps itching and that's normal!
She should realize this, at least acknowledge the fact that you are not being weak or jealous or anything by dealing with it this way, she should acknowledge that this is a very natural reaction to it, and that it's not really possible to be totally cool with it because you care about her.
Imo.
When there is acknowledgement and understanding you could even explain this to her friend together.. and emphasize that you don't want him to see her less or treat her differently now that he knows this, but that you are after his acknowledgement for you to feel better
well I dunno.. maybe that will make it easier for you
Perhaps you should ask her to tell you some more about him (not making this into a habbit ofc :lol: ) and meet him sometime.
Perhaps he can become a good friend of you too, who knows!
It's a tough one.. I've never really come across this in my life before
Perhaps helpfull, perhaps stupid, just some ideas
Just tried :P

 

[GOD]

" I think it is possible to both want and not want something at the same time. It is called indecision."

Adults have strategys to deal with things like that . Personaly my mind decides almost instantaniously . I know whats in my best interests . If i have to weigh something up i just go on hold for a few seconds and decide . If i am not sure i dont do it .

"you can flirt without wanting intimacy. It's called sales/marketing/politics. "

Thats not sexual flirting its sales/marketing/politics/intelectual flirting . When i talk to people i like to try and see if i can intelectualy flirt with them . I dont mean i`m an intellectual . I mean i like to tickle their minds and see what comes out . Most people shit out and most women think i want a shag and clam up . But when it works its mentaly stimulating , like one thought / idea causes a landslide of new ideas and lateral thinking that gets thrown back and forth .

 

[magickmumu]

* Eye contact, batting eyelashes, etc.
* "Protean" signals, such as touching one's hair
* Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation
* Smiling suggestively
* Winking
* Sending notes, poems, or small gifts
* Flattery
* Online chat is a common modern tactic, as well as other one-on-one and direct messaging services
* Footsie, the "feet under the table" practice
* Teasing
* Chance meeting
* Coyness, affectedly shy or modest, marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness


I do this a lot. (not the footsie or touching hair but the rest) There is nothing about sex and kissing is there???

I always tell I have a girlfriend. If things become to sexual I stop.
no kissing with other girls.

 

[Bastiaan]

When i talk to people i like to try and see if i can intelectualy flirt with them . I dont mean i`m an intellectual . I mean i like to tickle their minds and see what comes out . Most people shit out and most women think i want a shag and clam up . But when it works its mentaly stimulating , like one thought / idea causes a landslide of new ideas and lateral thinking that gets thrown back and forth .

Same goes for me :lol:
I've just never been able to analyse it and put it down in words this way.. very nice
Also I've never really understood why not so many people do this, the effects as described by you so well can be of extraordinary quality in our development

 

[GOD]

They are either to thick or frightened . Its intimate and you have to let down your shields and be open . Be adult. Most people hide behind "themselves" and are frightened like a mouse to come out .

I have only one person who i can mentaly fence with and we talke to each other at the same time , interupt eachother and go miles off topic , but luckily he has a very good memory so we always get back on cource . Its like free style brain storming . and is real fun .