A low dose of Salvia probably won't hurt, but remember that it's very much unlike mushrooms and LSD. An interesting tool to study the workings of the mind, but perhaps not really appropriate at this stage of your exploration.
I said I wanted to comment on some of the things you mentioned, but I somehow didn't get to it yet.
What psychedelics seem to do, amongst many other things, is activate some kind of inner radar, an intelligent search light that brings memories into focus that are emotionally relevant and ready to be processed. This was first noticed by psychologists who did research into the psychological effects and applications of LSD. These memories may be clear remembrances of events in this lifetime, or occur as mythological sequences and fantastic visions, including 'past life memories' or even alien abductions. Whatever the visual representation may be, it is important to go with the experience and not resist the feelings that are experienced. Remarkable healing occurs when you stay with these feelings (this is where one or two sitters can be of great help) and express them fully. This process tends to be self-limited, meaning that once you've gone through the depth of the emotion and perhaps found the root cause of it, the energetic charge is released and you reach a state of tranquility and euphoria. In some people this means they first have to go through a very intense experience of ego-death and spiritual rebirth. This is another phase of the process the sitters can help you get through, because on your own you may not feel secure (and sane!) enough to let go, surrender and let the ego (the false self) die. Sitters can also be of great help putting on appropriate evocative music for the different phases of the experience.
ParallelGold a dit:
I remember feeling rather claustraphobic in this light though, almost as if I was in a cage or dungeon.
What is of importance here are the feelings and sensations you had. In the psychedelic state this claustrophobic feeling may manifest in a variety of visionary experiences: being in a cage, a prison or dungeon, or feeling stuck in a cave or some kind of futuristic machine. There may also be remembrances from this life, like being trapped in a broken elevator when you were a kid.
I cannot say what it is exactly that made you experience these feelings, this is something you must find out yourself, in the psychedelic state. I will however point out that you did experience something (long ago) that may very well have given rise to these sensations. Let me first comment on some of the other aspects of your report, however.
The main theme seemed to be, bizarely, "Simpsons" characters, or more specifically they would stare back at me with massive grins and wide eyes in a pscyopoath-esque manner, then every pore on their body would burst into blood. There was alot of exploding/boiling blood throughout the trip.
If these visions were somehow powered by something you experienced in the past, what could it be? Which psychopathic energy threatened you? When did you witness blood everywhere?
Exploding penis' aswell (yeeeeeah...).
Of course, the sexual energy, for that event you experienced long ago was your first sexual experience as well. It was the first sexual experience for all of us. In the psychedelic state this energy may be experienced in visions of harems, orgies, BDSM chambers etc.
Opened eye visual were tortured, twisted clown-esque faces everywhere, as mentioned before the room no longer resembled my friends room but a freakish cave of despair.
You're stuck, it seems the world wants to crush you, but you can't go anywhere...
I tried fighting it, which I now know to of been a bad move, and indeed it intensfied it ten-fold. Self-worth and self-esteem plummeted,
Yes, agonizing guilt, absolute despair, intense feelings of worthlessness, even suicidal thoughts.
(Note: Im not a particularly negative or pessimistic person, but any release from the torment at the time seemed preferable to putting up with it.)
Yes, it's hellish. You want the torture to end, whatever may be required. But nothing can be done. You can only wait and push through.
I had horrible, horrible thoughts and images running through my head and I couldn't change the direction and think of anything positive, it was like my brain was broken.
Heh, that's your ego that was sorta malfunctioning. Your defense mechanisms were failing you, and material from your unconscious was flooding into your awareness (to some extent distorted by the synesthetic effects of psilocybin). Unless of course you want to believe trips open the mind up to either fantasy or a real hell.
I believe they do involve the imagination (fantasy) as far as the thematic renderings of the visions are concerned, but that the feelings are not imagined, they are real, in the sense that they were once experienced but not integrated, and so 'stuck' in your 'emotional body' with corresponding blocks in your physical body. Those feelings and experienced that were not properly integrated are spotted by the inner radar of the psychedelic state and then re-experienced.
So again, I cannot say I know what caused your feelings of claustrophobia, but it very much sounds like you were re-experiencing your own birth. Because birth is the only experience we all went through that involves blood, being stuck until the uterus opens (which typically is a state that generates deep feelings of inadequacy and guilt), being threatened by 'evil' contractions that suffocate and hurt us, intense sexual arousal, destruction of the old world and an explosive release into a new world of blinding light.
When tripping for the first few times, everyone may suddenly re-experience his or her own agonizing birth, but it is especially likely if for some reason the birth had been problematic.
So ParallelGold, if there were complications during your delivery or if it took many hours, your claustrophobic feelings may have been generated around that time. As a small baby you had enough awareness to notice and remember the agony, but you lacked any intellectual or verbal means of explaining to yourself what happened, and because you couldn't cry in the birth canal, there was no way of expressing these intense emotions (fear, pain etc.). Next time you have such feelings during a trip, simply go with them. Keep your eyes closed and let your friends assure you that your body is in a safe condition and that you should keep your attention focused within. Let it be spooky and crazy, just keep paying attention, and if you feel like crying or shouting, do so. If you experience the moment of your birth itself, surrender to the sense of dying so that you may be reborn. Once reborn, your friends should hug you like a loving mother and father would. This experience can be profoundly healing and aside from that a gateway into vast mystical dimensions. Once the birth trauma has been worked through, the journey doesn't stop. At that point, with the tension released, one usually experiences feelings of cosmic unity with all that is (resembling the feelings of unity and maternal sustenance experienced by the baby during the pregnancy itself). This opens doors to all kinds of profound spiritual experiences.
You can find several documents about this approach on the page I mentioned earlier. Most articles were written by transpersonal psychologists. You can find an overview of transpersonal theory and the relevance of the birth trauma
here.
