ararat
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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- 8/6/06
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I have been dabbling around with nitrous for some time now, every now and then for the last 2 years I did it, sometimes socially with friends, sometimes alone. I tried it with weed, with ketamine, and sober, once with alcohol. It gets a bad rap right now in the news, and it seems that most people regard it as not very interesting, which it may be, but I'm making the case that it has some good potentials as a psychonautic tool. For that I try to gather some experiences that I had with it.
One or two months ago, I started an experiment I had read about on reddit, that is, not to masturbate for 90 days and stop watching porn. In the end I didn't live up to that idea, but I don't watch porn anymore. Anyway, after two and a half weeks of not wanking, I took two hits of nitrous. The first was kind of random, as the first hit always tends to be, slightly disoriented, metallic echoes, prickly sensations. The second hit however was different. I tried to get the timing of the music right (white rainbow, prism of eternal now, absolutely amazing psychedelic music), which I very much succeeded in. Everything seemed to align into some sort of order, and I experienced something that I can only describe as an energetic orgasm. It had all the characterstics of an orgasm, minus ejaculation. Involuntary movement, a temporary exaltation which tends not to happen on nitrous, the borders of the discrete self that I wrongly believe myself to be in unconscious moments dissolved, breathing somewhat unregular. It was an enchanting experience.
Another time, I was living in the garden hut at the time, I meditated outside under the walnut tree to prepare for two hits of nitrous. Again, the first hit was somewhat random, I think it is necessary to adjust to the experience, or to open up to it. before taking the second hit, I asked the walnut tree to reveal its secrets to me. So I inhaled the gas, exhaled back into the balloon to get some oxygen, and again inhaled the gas. Suddenly my inquiry was answered, the usual haze of labeling and intellectualising about the things one sees was removed and everything got a clarity that reminded me of LSD trips. One of the secrets of the tree, was that the tree in itself is not something discrete, which I so unquestioningly took it to be, but is seemlessly one with everything. Of course these things are quite clear intellectually, but what a difference it is to feel it in every fiber of your body! It got an uncanny look, it seemed like a very well made CGI, highly 3D, and quite real in a special way. The rustling leaves of a tree further away seemed very patterned and orderly, again, like LSD.
The last time I had nitrous I was sitting on the same spot as in the above paragraph. I can't remember why I was doing the nitrous, I think mostly out of some nervous mood. Again first hit, random, second hit was different. As it began, I felt that there was some very uncomfortable feeling coming up, and it seemed better to just let it be and feel it. The body somewhat cringed together as I allowed the pain and suffering to be, and as I exhaled it felt like I was exhaling some very toxic energies that had been lingering in my nose for quite some time, forgive me if that sounds cheesy-new-agey, but that was exactly how it felt. After I exhaled, I heard a sound that went from medium pitch to a very very high pitch quite fast, a joy pinched into the experience that obviously came from a different source than the usual parade of pain and pleasure. During this experience, my neighbours started to fight, a couple whom I know since I was a small child. I always took him to be somewhat of a patriarch, but during the experience, his usual accusing, angry tone shifted and I heard for the first time him more as a child that was more or less crying for help. I do not mean to be condescending here, I'm certain I'm quite a child every now and then too. What struck me was the shift in perception, that there was suddenly such a different perception of the emotional tone of what he was shouting.
Throughout the experience I was laughing, I don't know if audibly or not, I couldn't say, but I hope not. I kept on laughing dispite the fight that was going on at the neighbours place, since at that moment, all suffering, all pain seemed to stand there clearly as an illusion, and that all existence is mere play.
These three are the experiences that stuck most with me. Of course, there was a share of empty and meaningless experiences in between. As for combining it with other drugs, it works well with weed and it gives it an organic feeling which otherwise would not be as present, with alcohol I think one has to be a bit cautious, but I had a distinct feeling that it enhanced the experience, if not in clarity, then at least in intensity. Combining it with ketamine was very intense, the two work very well together, although I am not sure if there aren't any risks, since the two work on very similar receptors in the brain. I didn't research it and I don't feel like it, since I don't do ketamine anymore anyway.
One or two months ago, I started an experiment I had read about on reddit, that is, not to masturbate for 90 days and stop watching porn. In the end I didn't live up to that idea, but I don't watch porn anymore. Anyway, after two and a half weeks of not wanking, I took two hits of nitrous. The first was kind of random, as the first hit always tends to be, slightly disoriented, metallic echoes, prickly sensations. The second hit however was different. I tried to get the timing of the music right (white rainbow, prism of eternal now, absolutely amazing psychedelic music), which I very much succeeded in. Everything seemed to align into some sort of order, and I experienced something that I can only describe as an energetic orgasm. It had all the characterstics of an orgasm, minus ejaculation. Involuntary movement, a temporary exaltation which tends not to happen on nitrous, the borders of the discrete self that I wrongly believe myself to be in unconscious moments dissolved, breathing somewhat unregular. It was an enchanting experience.
Another time, I was living in the garden hut at the time, I meditated outside under the walnut tree to prepare for two hits of nitrous. Again, the first hit was somewhat random, I think it is necessary to adjust to the experience, or to open up to it. before taking the second hit, I asked the walnut tree to reveal its secrets to me. So I inhaled the gas, exhaled back into the balloon to get some oxygen, and again inhaled the gas. Suddenly my inquiry was answered, the usual haze of labeling and intellectualising about the things one sees was removed and everything got a clarity that reminded me of LSD trips. One of the secrets of the tree, was that the tree in itself is not something discrete, which I so unquestioningly took it to be, but is seemlessly one with everything. Of course these things are quite clear intellectually, but what a difference it is to feel it in every fiber of your body! It got an uncanny look, it seemed like a very well made CGI, highly 3D, and quite real in a special way. The rustling leaves of a tree further away seemed very patterned and orderly, again, like LSD.
The last time I had nitrous I was sitting on the same spot as in the above paragraph. I can't remember why I was doing the nitrous, I think mostly out of some nervous mood. Again first hit, random, second hit was different. As it began, I felt that there was some very uncomfortable feeling coming up, and it seemed better to just let it be and feel it. The body somewhat cringed together as I allowed the pain and suffering to be, and as I exhaled it felt like I was exhaling some very toxic energies that had been lingering in my nose for quite some time, forgive me if that sounds cheesy-new-agey, but that was exactly how it felt. After I exhaled, I heard a sound that went from medium pitch to a very very high pitch quite fast, a joy pinched into the experience that obviously came from a different source than the usual parade of pain and pleasure. During this experience, my neighbours started to fight, a couple whom I know since I was a small child. I always took him to be somewhat of a patriarch, but during the experience, his usual accusing, angry tone shifted and I heard for the first time him more as a child that was more or less crying for help. I do not mean to be condescending here, I'm certain I'm quite a child every now and then too. What struck me was the shift in perception, that there was suddenly such a different perception of the emotional tone of what he was shouting.
Throughout the experience I was laughing, I don't know if audibly or not, I couldn't say, but I hope not. I kept on laughing dispite the fight that was going on at the neighbours place, since at that moment, all suffering, all pain seemed to stand there clearly as an illusion, and that all existence is mere play.
These three are the experiences that stuck most with me. Of course, there was a share of empty and meaningless experiences in between. As for combining it with other drugs, it works well with weed and it gives it an organic feeling which otherwise would not be as present, with alcohol I think one has to be a bit cautious, but I had a distinct feeling that it enhanced the experience, if not in clarity, then at least in intensity. Combining it with ketamine was very intense, the two work very well together, although I am not sure if there aren't any risks, since the two work on very similar receptors in the brain. I didn't research it and I don't feel like it, since I don't do ketamine anymore anyway.
SILLY not deep. That is my problem with nitrous is I can't really settle in to it like you can with longer trips and so I end up going all monkey mind on myself and turning into a mindless high idiot. I lack discipline enough around a lot of drugs and just let myself feel high without exploratory journeys. I'm going to say something really contentious here, but I think women don't get as nerdy in their trips as men. They see things more globally. I really need a good shamanic experience to set me on a more exploratory path away from plain hedonism
