haikucigarette
Matrice périnatale
- Inscrit
- 7 Mai 2010
- Messages
- 12
I started my evening off by watching Fantastic Planet for the twentieth time with my roommates. Afterwards, we decided to head over to a friends' house and I picked up some beers. We kicked back in our friend's garage and played some beer pong for a few hours. We had planned to go to a rave at someone's house so me and two other friends had picked up some Molly earlier that day for the evening's exploits. After a few games of beer pong we all smoked a couple bowls and the few of us who planned on rolling went to the bathroom to parachute the stuff.
After I took the molly I played one more round of beer pong and by the time we headed out to the rave I had consumed approximately 5 beers so I was lightly drunk and a little stoned from the weed. The rave was about a ten minute walk from our friend's place and I was already starting to feel a little weird. I was stoked because I had never done Molly before and went into it with the mindset that it was a party drug and did not really respect its power at all. Up to this point I wasn't completely inexperienced with hallucinogens, but I was and still am quite the novice. Before this I had smoked salvia multiple times (with mindblowing results), journeyed on psilocybin mushrooms, morning glory seeds, amanitas muscarias, and a weak, barely noticeable quarter dose of sass (sp?) and had never had a negative experience on any of them, which is strange since it's apparently very easy to have a bad time with these substances.
When we finally arrived at the party, as soon as I stepped inside the house I felt a sense of mild discomfort. I ignored this and tried to take in the energy of the rave and enjoy myself. I still wasn't sure if the molly had taken effect but I was told it takes about 40 minutes and it had been over an hour. Why wasn't I feeling giddy, or giggly or cuddly? I suddenly realized that my friends were nowhere to be found and I got a little nervous. I didn't know anybody at this place and everyone was acting really strange. Guys were taking their shirts off and screaming and I was not feeling it at all.
The atmosphere was absolutely horrible at this point. The air was very thick, hot, and stuffy and I felt like I was starting to have trouble breathing. I then became intensely aware of the strobe light and other flashing colored lights and became very understanding of how people could have seizures from that sort of thing. I looked away and felt dizzy and incredibly unpleasant. I realized that I don't even much like techno/trance/electro anyway and the music was starting to bother me. I looked around for familiar faces and noticed a few of my friends in the crowd of people dancing and having a good time but I couldn't relate to their enthusiasm at all for some reason. I began doubting myself and an extreme case of self-loathing set in. I questioned if these people were really my friends. Thoughts like "What the fuck am I doing here?" and "What am I doing with my life?" entered my head. I realized that I had nothing in common with any of these people and felt a sense of unbelonging and total loneliness. At that instant I basically said "fuck this" and decided to leave. As I stepped outside I instantly felt a whole lot better but was still intent on just ditching that place. I slipped past a crowd of people and made my way to the sidewalk and just walked down it aimlessly.
I wasn't too familiar with the neighborhood but I didn't give a shit... about anything. Plus, going on long walks always calms me down. It was very chilly and windy that night and I was walking against the wind, which made things even worse. The plan was to walk home and just relax because I could not relax or enjoy myself in that atmosphere. It was on the walk home that the worst of my experience hit me like a ton of bricks. I was overcome by the most overwhelming depression I had ever experienced in my entire life. I considered jumping in front of moving traffic, I considered walking down the train tracks near my house, which is apparently a common place for muggings and people have been murdered there in the past during the wee hours of the morning where I live. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I felt insanely sorry for myself and was disappointed with how my life had turned out. The most vivid, surreal unhappiness imaginable. It was like every bad memory, regret, feeling of loneliness, and unhappy moment in my life that had been suppressed and pushed away had now suddenly all come bursting back to bite me in the ass. Note: I've never had any serious depression or emotional problems in my life up 'till then.
At one point I started bawling my eyes out like a little bitch, and I never cry. When I reached downtown familiarity set in and I knew how to get home from there. As I walked through downtown I scurried past loud drunken frat boys, belligerent homeless people, ugly prositutes screaming and cursing at people, sketchy ass tweakers, drug dealers, pimps, and I even walked by a bunch of cops, but I didn't care. If I was laughed at, picked on, beaten up, stabbed, accosted, or arrested I would not have cared at all. I'm a pretty apathetic person anyway, but I literally did not give a shit what happened to me.
When I arrived home I took a long piss and thought hard about everything in my life up to that point. I went into my living room, smoked a bowl, listened to some New Order and started feeling a lot better. My two friends who also rolled that evening came home and comforted me for having a shitty time. We decided to watch office space and smoke another bowl and it put me way more at ease. We ate some pasta and by this time it was about 5 in the morning and I decided to call it a night and went to bed. I rested pretty much all day the next day and woke up at around 5pm and still felt a little off.
I do not regret this experience as I felt that despite the intensely horrible time I had I felt like the event had cleansed my pallet so to speak, like I had sorted out a lot of shit in my mind or something. I think the combination of weed and alcohol did not do this drug any favors and in retrospect I wish I had taken the molly by itself instead of taking it with other substances. Just a heads up, I love the hell out of the mindfuck introspective feeling hallucinogens give me but was raped by a drug that 99% of people who take report being the most pleasant, euphoric experience ever. I guess it all depends on brain chemistry and, perhaps above all, setting? Has anyone else had similar experiences with MDMA? I understand that MDMA is known to cause prolonged depression afterwards but I've never heard of anyone experiencing depression while under the influence of it. Oddly enough, I didn't feel depressed afterwards, only during my trip.
First post, btw. Hello everyone.
After I took the molly I played one more round of beer pong and by the time we headed out to the rave I had consumed approximately 5 beers so I was lightly drunk and a little stoned from the weed. The rave was about a ten minute walk from our friend's place and I was already starting to feel a little weird. I was stoked because I had never done Molly before and went into it with the mindset that it was a party drug and did not really respect its power at all. Up to this point I wasn't completely inexperienced with hallucinogens, but I was and still am quite the novice. Before this I had smoked salvia multiple times (with mindblowing results), journeyed on psilocybin mushrooms, morning glory seeds, amanitas muscarias, and a weak, barely noticeable quarter dose of sass (sp?) and had never had a negative experience on any of them, which is strange since it's apparently very easy to have a bad time with these substances.
When we finally arrived at the party, as soon as I stepped inside the house I felt a sense of mild discomfort. I ignored this and tried to take in the energy of the rave and enjoy myself. I still wasn't sure if the molly had taken effect but I was told it takes about 40 minutes and it had been over an hour. Why wasn't I feeling giddy, or giggly or cuddly? I suddenly realized that my friends were nowhere to be found and I got a little nervous. I didn't know anybody at this place and everyone was acting really strange. Guys were taking their shirts off and screaming and I was not feeling it at all.
The atmosphere was absolutely horrible at this point. The air was very thick, hot, and stuffy and I felt like I was starting to have trouble breathing. I then became intensely aware of the strobe light and other flashing colored lights and became very understanding of how people could have seizures from that sort of thing. I looked away and felt dizzy and incredibly unpleasant. I realized that I don't even much like techno/trance/electro anyway and the music was starting to bother me. I looked around for familiar faces and noticed a few of my friends in the crowd of people dancing and having a good time but I couldn't relate to their enthusiasm at all for some reason. I began doubting myself and an extreme case of self-loathing set in. I questioned if these people were really my friends. Thoughts like "What the fuck am I doing here?" and "What am I doing with my life?" entered my head. I realized that I had nothing in common with any of these people and felt a sense of unbelonging and total loneliness. At that instant I basically said "fuck this" and decided to leave. As I stepped outside I instantly felt a whole lot better but was still intent on just ditching that place. I slipped past a crowd of people and made my way to the sidewalk and just walked down it aimlessly.
I wasn't too familiar with the neighborhood but I didn't give a shit... about anything. Plus, going on long walks always calms me down. It was very chilly and windy that night and I was walking against the wind, which made things even worse. The plan was to walk home and just relax because I could not relax or enjoy myself in that atmosphere. It was on the walk home that the worst of my experience hit me like a ton of bricks. I was overcome by the most overwhelming depression I had ever experienced in my entire life. I considered jumping in front of moving traffic, I considered walking down the train tracks near my house, which is apparently a common place for muggings and people have been murdered there in the past during the wee hours of the morning where I live. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I felt insanely sorry for myself and was disappointed with how my life had turned out. The most vivid, surreal unhappiness imaginable. It was like every bad memory, regret, feeling of loneliness, and unhappy moment in my life that had been suppressed and pushed away had now suddenly all come bursting back to bite me in the ass. Note: I've never had any serious depression or emotional problems in my life up 'till then.
At one point I started bawling my eyes out like a little bitch, and I never cry. When I reached downtown familiarity set in and I knew how to get home from there. As I walked through downtown I scurried past loud drunken frat boys, belligerent homeless people, ugly prositutes screaming and cursing at people, sketchy ass tweakers, drug dealers, pimps, and I even walked by a bunch of cops, but I didn't care. If I was laughed at, picked on, beaten up, stabbed, accosted, or arrested I would not have cared at all. I'm a pretty apathetic person anyway, but I literally did not give a shit what happened to me.
When I arrived home I took a long piss and thought hard about everything in my life up to that point. I went into my living room, smoked a bowl, listened to some New Order and started feeling a lot better. My two friends who also rolled that evening came home and comforted me for having a shitty time. We decided to watch office space and smoke another bowl and it put me way more at ease. We ate some pasta and by this time it was about 5 in the morning and I decided to call it a night and went to bed. I rested pretty much all day the next day and woke up at around 5pm and still felt a little off.
I do not regret this experience as I felt that despite the intensely horrible time I had I felt like the event had cleansed my pallet so to speak, like I had sorted out a lot of shit in my mind or something. I think the combination of weed and alcohol did not do this drug any favors and in retrospect I wish I had taken the molly by itself instead of taking it with other substances. Just a heads up, I love the hell out of the mindfuck introspective feeling hallucinogens give me but was raped by a drug that 99% of people who take report being the most pleasant, euphoric experience ever. I guess it all depends on brain chemistry and, perhaps above all, setting? Has anyone else had similar experiences with MDMA? I understand that MDMA is known to cause prolonged depression afterwards but I've never heard of anyone experiencing depression while under the influence of it. Oddly enough, I didn't feel depressed afterwards, only during my trip.
First post, btw. Hello everyone.
