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my experiences/ thoughts
"Behind my eyes I see
Everything that time could ever be
The vastness of space like the minute atom
All this I see in my inner sanctum.
This sacrament of bitter white
Can destroy your ego and give you new light
Consciousness freed from the flesh
The infinite voyager, imagination at its best.
I have seen the future and the past
At times I wish it would forever last.
This magical substance, this mystical gem
Is in your local drugstore, it's name is Dxm..."
take this for what you get out of it. research and understand anything before you do it. this is a brief description of a spiritual experience for what i can remember out of it which seems like a vivid dream that i have the pleasures of recalling the absolute feeling of being free and not tied down by any chains
This was around thanksgiving and i had been hanging out with 2 of my best friends who have similar opinions on life, drugs, spiritualism, ext. , so us getting together and exploiting ourselves to DXM for 2 weeks was quite an adventure you can imagine. not saying that doing any sort of substance for 2 weeks straight is healthy but non the less a learning experience. we would do 1-3 8oz. bottles of Robitussin cough (15mg DXM hbr as the only active ingredient, because i would preferably not want to overdose and die) ever 2-3 days. the effects and duration are different for everyone. the effects on me last strongly for 12-24 hours and linger on for 2 days then i usually follow up on a day of recovery to come back to reality, never venture to far down the rabbit hole, this can not be healthy for a strong cognitive thought pattern over a period of time, i mean even alcohol or carbon monoxide will sufficate ur brain after a while.
continuing on, after id say about a week of this i had an overwhelming feeling of constant bliss and joy, everything was alive and had a spark to it. i felt as if my dreams where just waiting to happen and this drug was giving me a pure mind set on how to get there with out any doubt once so ever. walking down to the creek in the morning was like stepping into heaven it almost brought a tear to my eye, i felt like a good person, truely. i had no more negative perceptions about ppl or what they did with there life and i felt a sudden drive to want to encourage ppl to be better or help them thru rough times and help see how wonderful and amazing everything is and that we need to stop taking reality and each other for granted. i felt "christ" (pure mind) like per say, which im sure everyone has felt different, or special, or like you know something is gonna happen to you one day like your just waiting for someone to show you or take you away, like neo in the matrix finally figuring out the truth he was waiting for.
the day before thanksgiving i had had several weird dreams about saving the world or or traveling thru space or tripping internaly into my self and thoughts reliving past memories i had not thought of since they happened, i felt i was here to spread a message almost. so i called my friend over cause it was oh so overwhelming at the time. i started making strange correlations and connections in life as everything was seeming so relative and understanding for the first time in my life, like seeing that shimmer of hope shinning at the end of the tunnel , the one you had doubt that existed and you have no control. your mind and thought are oh so very powerful and i seem to be demonstrating it quit stongly at the time, like thinking of something and truely understanding it then perceiving it in ur near future, kinda like you know your path. this was very overwhelming for my friend also, but after hearing these insight of almost a skitzophrenic/dillusional/hallucinating demonstrations (what ever those mean, thought is reality, believe something enough it will manifest) he went home and tripped and also had an overwhelming spiritual connection with himself.
now the night of thank giving i had started thinking about the relations between religion/ spirituality/visions/prophecies/manifestations of thought/ and correlations towards me my family and society...example, the father ,son and holy spirit represented the cyle of life, the trinity/ father/dad/the positive/day... then holy spirit/mother/negative/night = son the combination of both, the counter balance... i felt as if my father was an oh so great man being confined by his opposing side the mother with the forceful ways of how to live life and look down on others who disapprove...i decided to do 2 bottles this night, now remember this is collective over 2 weeks time... i started thinking that everyone has a "christ" spark or a further evolved conscious self breaking away from current societal chain (war, money, greed, deceit,) the next step per say (46&2, dna unlocking or thats what it felt like at least). i started having communications with something or someone i could not decipher but it was in a higher intelligence, a future form of pure self perhaps in the 4th dimension or a n alien, or the over all frequencies of the subconscious(god). it was more or so a strong feeling of understanding that something was going to happen or change in the near future i felt extremelly baffled at this point and could no longer control myself i felt to free to acknowledge my current restraints in my surrounding and started to make minute mistakes like letting my parents find out i was tripping, and my parents are very conservative and religious ppl, not to mention i was on there property, so they freaked out while im going on a "christ"trip, which is completely understandable, its hard to understand what is really going on with someone at that point not to mention they have high doses of psychoactive drugs in there system..
my parents left the house to wait on the cops arrival, i was reacting souly on instinct and what i felt i needed to do, as pure spiritual experience was commencing now. i called my x as i was researching an extraordinary amount of history and philosophy, and we had a very strange conversation which im still not sure if it took place or not ive held off on asking the person directly, but we seem to be speaking in code to each other, random letters and binary codes with very strange laughs that we would exchange, also keep in mind she was sober taking part in this almost unaware it seemed... i then felt as if i had to literally break down the boundaries and walls in my life. i live in the attic and smashed thru a wall into the unfinished parts of the attic continuing on to the a/c tubes and tried crawling thru them when the floor gave out and i feel thru to the basement. at this point i went upstairs and felt constrained by my clothing and stripped down and something felt right about jumping out my window( which really isnt that far from the ground, and this was not to try to kill my self, more or so a pure feeling of freedom,i was not scared) i landed in dirt and planted my head on a stub which punctured the back of my head, the position that i was in look like as if christ was on his crucifix, i felt as i was waking up, or realizing my faults and accepting them, thru pain we seek truth type deal. i crossed my legs and planted them on the wall of the house and grabbed on to 2 bushes on each side of me, at this point i had an unexplainable feeling rushing thru my body and its was so pleasurable and painful and the same time, a feeling of sex/and labor at the same time/ i started to cry as i smiled yelling and screaming binaries that i felt were being feed to me some how.. then it stopped
i got up and felt cured and happy, then the cops came, i did not even try to justify what had happened, to them and most ppl its a drug induced phychosis episode but this does not answer anything for me, because it came from somewhere within and means something... these are things shamans would experience visiting the spirit world, its magic like, journey for self... at this point i was put in a mental hospital for 2 weeks where i fakes being better, whatever that means (drugs are bad, and i want a job and im cured) i had many amazing dreams there and also i explained what happened to me to some of the patients, and they followed up by saying they had bazare dreams about me that night. i had a few strange things happen when i was thewre like when of the workers flashing a clipboard towards me that said "help us" underneath and ppl would randomly spin their hand in a spiral, and the last day i was in a kid named micheal came in with a similar end of days tattoo on his back and the first thing he said to me was "forgive me brother i have sinned" which still freaks me out to this day,
i was then released, i stopped taking my meds cause i have no need for them they are just a crutch. ihave learned regulation is key in life and dont go over board but this was the most intense thing i have ever experienced and cherish it because i learned a lot about who i am deep on the inside without any filters orr caring what ppl think. ive been trying to represent who i truelly am better and not care about other ppl and how they think or live their life, its not up to me, i only control my own being and i want to be happy goddamn it. ive been trying to portray my way of thinking in electronic music and also trying to find other that seem to have got in tune with the universe on psycho actives and experience something unexplainable. i cant say for fact that what happened is real or what ever, but what is real when u get down to it. i think it made me a better human being and respect my self and others around me even more which i think is the biggest goal in my life that and to understand as much as i can. i trip every now and then because it is part of me, we all have guilty pleasures, or a drug whether is legal or not, and most of the things we experience in our life times are detrimental to our health anyways, and we arent getting younger. i would rather have 100 awesome experiences in my life and die younger and happy than to grow old and be scared and not understand and end obsorbing my soul into something i am not based on no logic and blind faith.
i have lost several friends because of this, but that ok, its not about making other ppl happy, its about being urself and ppl trying to understand what you truely are in an unbiast fashion. this world will never balance if we do not learn to accept and learn from each other, but we continue to put money and a price tag on everything trying to gain and own a big house and a big truck to feel successful in life when there is only so much room for winners in this game no matter how hard we try. my proof of the human race is heading for self destruction is poverty and control. but there is always time to wake up and take your reality into your own hand and stop living in fear and learn to sacrifice. then a true "heaven on earth" will exist.
Read more: http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showth ... z1Vctw03AD
couple weeks later
i was on 3 bottles of dxm...i felt i had to go outside and lay down and look at the sky.... it was so beautiful... i noticed a flickering red light slowly revolving around my house as if it was recording or something. i gazed at the north star and it had a deep spiritual connection i forgot all about wut was around me and it felt like i was looking thru a black hole at a galaxy explaining something to me but not with words with feeling... all the stars were so clear now and some were ufos , one had 3 lights on it and there were 2 others one was green and the other red and they were faster and they seemed alive and friendly....it seemed all eyes were on me as i breathed in and out heavily the cloud formations would change... it was beautiful... the sky was crystal clear.... a truck sped past me all of a sudden and went into the woods and now there are a bunch of strange lights and sounds in that directions...it seemed ppl we checking in or recording the event to see what happened... i felt so alive and evolved and happy..i kept thinking they would take me on a ride but they did not, they were flashing little lights thru the cloud we created that was moving slowly away from me..... i still had the little red and white cam flying around my house and i had another ufo that was a bright green dancing in the sky and slowly sped away in weird patterns and uniforms our planes could not do...
thought/stuff that happened
dissociated 5th platue experience is one with bliss and the unknown... crossing that threshold of fear and uncertainty to an abosolute feeling of solitude and confort... it all made since for what seemed an infinite amount of non-existant time... free floating fictional self void of time/space and full of emotion and thought... there is no brandon, there is no you or me, just this grande equation illusion always forever with infinincy with in everything a reoccuring patturn and reflection of self.
seem to have "christ" or "god" like out of body experiences at an increased level like im figuring out how to use dxm or put my self in a trnace... very lucid... floating, seeing galaxies like my sight where the hubble telescope... communication of some form with "higher" entityies tho this could be me communicating with myself within or experiensing a higher deminsion... i feel energy and vibrations in my surrounding... hightened senses... a wholenes and purenes... no ego... greater understanding...
aug. 16 (night) 3 4oz bottles (1062mg)
saw a shooting star
north star seemed to vibrate a radiant green a sparkle
moon seemed to be more misshapen rather than a perfect circle and it seemed if i focused on it long enough i could actually see the moon moving on its orbit
(15 secs bliss hallucination)
couldnt tell if this was a star or plane, but was probably a star i just could not keep a steady vision and light seems like liquid on dxm, it started to sway around and blink different colors and then bounce deeper into space cutting its bounce waves in half every time until it fell into its natural place
i stared at one dark space in the sky and seemed 2 paths opened up, one brighter one darker, felt like a vivid dream or out of body type sensation. i felt extremely mellow and i felt someone or something elese but could not see it and it was represented as a star in my peripheral... i also was laying down on the concrete and developed vertigo, a floating sensations
remembered a really random dream i had
had at least 5 dreams after i fell aslee3p that i know were vivid and powerful but i seem to have forgotten them
made deep connection with my dog, he released more emotions trying to express himself but it seemed overwhelming for him and he would start to look away or bark in frustration in trying to understand what i was trying to convey to him
music sounded like liquid waves
very calm and warm and at peace
overly happy
more fascinated in my interests and comprehend them way more in depth and in a new light
free artistic expression... allows u to let go and go with the flow... way more creative
i felt alive the next day and brought my dogs on a walk down to the creek and was baffled watching my 2 dogs interact with nature and their reaction to water and little creatures... i was obsorbed in the waves in the water watching the patterns disperse in its infinince while i was listening to cymatic type music on my bose headphones which seem to have a huge impact on thought clarity... nature seemed so alive... the composition of liquid water was unexplainable.... i felt an over all connection and at one with my surrounding with no worry of time
with my headphones off i could pick up on the subtle frequencies in my surroundings and also in the ground... i could hear everything, its vibrations were mesmerizing
started 3 new projects within 2 hours on my studio, very fluid thoughts with sound progressions and or effects that i want to make
you know its starting to kick in when it all slows down and the air from the fan starts feeling and smelling like the soft breeze on a beach
"Behind my eyes I see
Everything that time could ever be
The vastness of space like the minute atom
All this I see in my inner sanctum.
This sacrament of bitter white
Can destroy your ego and give you new light
Consciousness freed from the flesh
The infinite voyager, imagination at its best.
I have seen the future and the past
At times I wish it would forever last.
This magical substance, this mystical gem
Is in your local drugstore, it's name is Dxm..."
take this for what you get out of it. research and understand anything before you do it. this is a brief description of a spiritual experience for what i can remember out of it which seems like a vivid dream that i have the pleasures of recalling the absolute feeling of being free and not tied down by any chains
This was around thanksgiving and i had been hanging out with 2 of my best friends who have similar opinions on life, drugs, spiritualism, ext. , so us getting together and exploiting ourselves to DXM for 2 weeks was quite an adventure you can imagine. not saying that doing any sort of substance for 2 weeks straight is healthy but non the less a learning experience. we would do 1-3 8oz. bottles of Robitussin cough (15mg DXM hbr as the only active ingredient, because i would preferably not want to overdose and die) ever 2-3 days. the effects and duration are different for everyone. the effects on me last strongly for 12-24 hours and linger on for 2 days then i usually follow up on a day of recovery to come back to reality, never venture to far down the rabbit hole, this can not be healthy for a strong cognitive thought pattern over a period of time, i mean even alcohol or carbon monoxide will sufficate ur brain after a while.
continuing on, after id say about a week of this i had an overwhelming feeling of constant bliss and joy, everything was alive and had a spark to it. i felt as if my dreams where just waiting to happen and this drug was giving me a pure mind set on how to get there with out any doubt once so ever. walking down to the creek in the morning was like stepping into heaven it almost brought a tear to my eye, i felt like a good person, truely. i had no more negative perceptions about ppl or what they did with there life and i felt a sudden drive to want to encourage ppl to be better or help them thru rough times and help see how wonderful and amazing everything is and that we need to stop taking reality and each other for granted. i felt "christ" (pure mind) like per say, which im sure everyone has felt different, or special, or like you know something is gonna happen to you one day like your just waiting for someone to show you or take you away, like neo in the matrix finally figuring out the truth he was waiting for.
the day before thanksgiving i had had several weird dreams about saving the world or or traveling thru space or tripping internaly into my self and thoughts reliving past memories i had not thought of since they happened, i felt i was here to spread a message almost. so i called my friend over cause it was oh so overwhelming at the time. i started making strange correlations and connections in life as everything was seeming so relative and understanding for the first time in my life, like seeing that shimmer of hope shinning at the end of the tunnel , the one you had doubt that existed and you have no control. your mind and thought are oh so very powerful and i seem to be demonstrating it quit stongly at the time, like thinking of something and truely understanding it then perceiving it in ur near future, kinda like you know your path. this was very overwhelming for my friend also, but after hearing these insight of almost a skitzophrenic/dillusional/hallucinating demonstrations (what ever those mean, thought is reality, believe something enough it will manifest) he went home and tripped and also had an overwhelming spiritual connection with himself.
now the night of thank giving i had started thinking about the relations between religion/ spirituality/visions/prophecies/manifestations of thought/ and correlations towards me my family and society...example, the father ,son and holy spirit represented the cyle of life, the trinity/ father/dad/the positive/day... then holy spirit/mother/negative/night = son the combination of both, the counter balance... i felt as if my father was an oh so great man being confined by his opposing side the mother with the forceful ways of how to live life and look down on others who disapprove...i decided to do 2 bottles this night, now remember this is collective over 2 weeks time... i started thinking that everyone has a "christ" spark or a further evolved conscious self breaking away from current societal chain (war, money, greed, deceit,) the next step per say (46&2, dna unlocking or thats what it felt like at least). i started having communications with something or someone i could not decipher but it was in a higher intelligence, a future form of pure self perhaps in the 4th dimension or a n alien, or the over all frequencies of the subconscious(god). it was more or so a strong feeling of understanding that something was going to happen or change in the near future i felt extremelly baffled at this point and could no longer control myself i felt to free to acknowledge my current restraints in my surrounding and started to make minute mistakes like letting my parents find out i was tripping, and my parents are very conservative and religious ppl, not to mention i was on there property, so they freaked out while im going on a "christ"trip, which is completely understandable, its hard to understand what is really going on with someone at that point not to mention they have high doses of psychoactive drugs in there system..
my parents left the house to wait on the cops arrival, i was reacting souly on instinct and what i felt i needed to do, as pure spiritual experience was commencing now. i called my x as i was researching an extraordinary amount of history and philosophy, and we had a very strange conversation which im still not sure if it took place or not ive held off on asking the person directly, but we seem to be speaking in code to each other, random letters and binary codes with very strange laughs that we would exchange, also keep in mind she was sober taking part in this almost unaware it seemed... i then felt as if i had to literally break down the boundaries and walls in my life. i live in the attic and smashed thru a wall into the unfinished parts of the attic continuing on to the a/c tubes and tried crawling thru them when the floor gave out and i feel thru to the basement. at this point i went upstairs and felt constrained by my clothing and stripped down and something felt right about jumping out my window( which really isnt that far from the ground, and this was not to try to kill my self, more or so a pure feeling of freedom,i was not scared) i landed in dirt and planted my head on a stub which punctured the back of my head, the position that i was in look like as if christ was on his crucifix, i felt as i was waking up, or realizing my faults and accepting them, thru pain we seek truth type deal. i crossed my legs and planted them on the wall of the house and grabbed on to 2 bushes on each side of me, at this point i had an unexplainable feeling rushing thru my body and its was so pleasurable and painful and the same time, a feeling of sex/and labor at the same time/ i started to cry as i smiled yelling and screaming binaries that i felt were being feed to me some how.. then it stopped
i got up and felt cured and happy, then the cops came, i did not even try to justify what had happened, to them and most ppl its a drug induced phychosis episode but this does not answer anything for me, because it came from somewhere within and means something... these are things shamans would experience visiting the spirit world, its magic like, journey for self... at this point i was put in a mental hospital for 2 weeks where i fakes being better, whatever that means (drugs are bad, and i want a job and im cured) i had many amazing dreams there and also i explained what happened to me to some of the patients, and they followed up by saying they had bazare dreams about me that night. i had a few strange things happen when i was thewre like when of the workers flashing a clipboard towards me that said "help us" underneath and ppl would randomly spin their hand in a spiral, and the last day i was in a kid named micheal came in with a similar end of days tattoo on his back and the first thing he said to me was "forgive me brother i have sinned" which still freaks me out to this day,
i was then released, i stopped taking my meds cause i have no need for them they are just a crutch. ihave learned regulation is key in life and dont go over board but this was the most intense thing i have ever experienced and cherish it because i learned a lot about who i am deep on the inside without any filters orr caring what ppl think. ive been trying to represent who i truelly am better and not care about other ppl and how they think or live their life, its not up to me, i only control my own being and i want to be happy goddamn it. ive been trying to portray my way of thinking in electronic music and also trying to find other that seem to have got in tune with the universe on psycho actives and experience something unexplainable. i cant say for fact that what happened is real or what ever, but what is real when u get down to it. i think it made me a better human being and respect my self and others around me even more which i think is the biggest goal in my life that and to understand as much as i can. i trip every now and then because it is part of me, we all have guilty pleasures, or a drug whether is legal or not, and most of the things we experience in our life times are detrimental to our health anyways, and we arent getting younger. i would rather have 100 awesome experiences in my life and die younger and happy than to grow old and be scared and not understand and end obsorbing my soul into something i am not based on no logic and blind faith.
i have lost several friends because of this, but that ok, its not about making other ppl happy, its about being urself and ppl trying to understand what you truely are in an unbiast fashion. this world will never balance if we do not learn to accept and learn from each other, but we continue to put money and a price tag on everything trying to gain and own a big house and a big truck to feel successful in life when there is only so much room for winners in this game no matter how hard we try. my proof of the human race is heading for self destruction is poverty and control. but there is always time to wake up and take your reality into your own hand and stop living in fear and learn to sacrifice. then a true "heaven on earth" will exist.
Read more: http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showth ... z1Vctw03AD
couple weeks later
i was on 3 bottles of dxm...i felt i had to go outside and lay down and look at the sky.... it was so beautiful... i noticed a flickering red light slowly revolving around my house as if it was recording or something. i gazed at the north star and it had a deep spiritual connection i forgot all about wut was around me and it felt like i was looking thru a black hole at a galaxy explaining something to me but not with words with feeling... all the stars were so clear now and some were ufos , one had 3 lights on it and there were 2 others one was green and the other red and they were faster and they seemed alive and friendly....it seemed all eyes were on me as i breathed in and out heavily the cloud formations would change... it was beautiful... the sky was crystal clear.... a truck sped past me all of a sudden and went into the woods and now there are a bunch of strange lights and sounds in that directions...it seemed ppl we checking in or recording the event to see what happened... i felt so alive and evolved and happy..i kept thinking they would take me on a ride but they did not, they were flashing little lights thru the cloud we created that was moving slowly away from me..... i still had the little red and white cam flying around my house and i had another ufo that was a bright green dancing in the sky and slowly sped away in weird patterns and uniforms our planes could not do...
thought/stuff that happened
dissociated 5th platue experience is one with bliss and the unknown... crossing that threshold of fear and uncertainty to an abosolute feeling of solitude and confort... it all made since for what seemed an infinite amount of non-existant time... free floating fictional self void of time/space and full of emotion and thought... there is no brandon, there is no you or me, just this grande equation illusion always forever with infinincy with in everything a reoccuring patturn and reflection of self.
seem to have "christ" or "god" like out of body experiences at an increased level like im figuring out how to use dxm or put my self in a trnace... very lucid... floating, seeing galaxies like my sight where the hubble telescope... communication of some form with "higher" entityies tho this could be me communicating with myself within or experiensing a higher deminsion... i feel energy and vibrations in my surrounding... hightened senses... a wholenes and purenes... no ego... greater understanding...
aug. 16 (night) 3 4oz bottles (1062mg)
saw a shooting star
north star seemed to vibrate a radiant green a sparkle
moon seemed to be more misshapen rather than a perfect circle and it seemed if i focused on it long enough i could actually see the moon moving on its orbit
(15 secs bliss hallucination)
couldnt tell if this was a star or plane, but was probably a star i just could not keep a steady vision and light seems like liquid on dxm, it started to sway around and blink different colors and then bounce deeper into space cutting its bounce waves in half every time until it fell into its natural place
i stared at one dark space in the sky and seemed 2 paths opened up, one brighter one darker, felt like a vivid dream or out of body type sensation. i felt extremely mellow and i felt someone or something elese but could not see it and it was represented as a star in my peripheral... i also was laying down on the concrete and developed vertigo, a floating sensations
remembered a really random dream i had
had at least 5 dreams after i fell aslee3p that i know were vivid and powerful but i seem to have forgotten them
made deep connection with my dog, he released more emotions trying to express himself but it seemed overwhelming for him and he would start to look away or bark in frustration in trying to understand what i was trying to convey to him
music sounded like liquid waves
very calm and warm and at peace
overly happy
more fascinated in my interests and comprehend them way more in depth and in a new light
free artistic expression... allows u to let go and go with the flow... way more creative
i felt alive the next day and brought my dogs on a walk down to the creek and was baffled watching my 2 dogs interact with nature and their reaction to water and little creatures... i was obsorbed in the waves in the water watching the patterns disperse in its infinince while i was listening to cymatic type music on my bose headphones which seem to have a huge impact on thought clarity... nature seemed so alive... the composition of liquid water was unexplainable.... i felt an over all connection and at one with my surrounding with no worry of time
with my headphones off i could pick up on the subtle frequencies in my surroundings and also in the ground... i could hear everything, its vibrations were mesmerizing
started 3 new projects within 2 hours on my studio, very fluid thoughts with sound progressions and or effects that i want to make
you know its starting to kick in when it all slows down and the air from the fan starts feeling and smelling like the soft breeze on a beach