some self reflection time..

[mindsiyk]

well today was supposed to be a good night, a night to let go of my thoughts and have a care free,fun night..

but after taking some LSD I've been looking at myself and have realized I'm in search of something... yet i don't really know what it is. but i feel really unfulfilled for not having it..

everyday i wake up work my ass off strive to be a good person and be successful in life but in the back of my head i cant help wonder y i should bother?

Ive had a lot happen to me this year mentally maybe that's y i feel like this..

i always keep myself busy with work and my music (which is my passion), but i still feel something missing..

so im just wondering on what your thoughts are about this..

hope that makes sense... still trippin

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Dunno... What instrument do you play?

 

[st.bot.32]

looking for meaning in life? maybe new experiences?

have a good remainder of your trip!

 

[BrainEater]

maybe what you are searching for is piece of mind and have in the past been struggling too much subconsciously in your mind or so....
maybe also without listening enough to what you really want is, hence pushing you or letting yourself being pushed into this sublime unsatifying feeling....


so there you are and maybe you want to change something but you are not sure what or how?? it could better to take it slow and to consider well what you do or want to do and then again try to make the best out of it.

anyways i wish yer all the best!! peace!! :weedman:

 

[Psyolopher]

I feel the same way to....
Its one big mystery, im one....and the world around me is one.
The big mystery leads me into new and interesting places, sometimes its good to listen to the intuition.

Peace.

 

[mindsiyk]

Caduceus Mercurius- i play guitar and produce my own digital music.. mostly psy trance..

brain eater- i guess that's all i can do.. re-evaluate what it is i want and try to make the best of it..

after thinking about it today i think it has a lot to do with bein fucked over by my closest. i guess i just feel insecure with out a shoulder to lean on kinda thing..

ahh life... lol, thanks for all the kind words anyway.

 

[VerusDeus]

I hope this may be some sort of consolation for you, I feel exactly the same way. I try to be the best I can, and in the back of my head I think I deserve some good karma, but there always seems to be more of the bad kind around I've also sort of been abandoned by my closest friend, which is sort of okay because he has found a new way of being happy(fine by me), but it gets lonely

Anyway I have been practicing meditative arts as well as working on my condition, and it helps giving me a little peace of mind. Perhaps something similar will also help you.

And yeah, what Braineater says really makes sense to me. Sometimes you got to stop struggling to be what you want to be, and just find peace with who you are right now.

Peace.

 

[mindsiyk]

verusdeus- tottally get the whole karma thing, im so nice and honest to everyone and it seems i hardly ever get anything in return.. accept just a half hour ago the guy at the petrol station gave me a coffee on the house,, but then it spilt all over my car, cant work out if that was good or bad karma lol

yer ive just started taking the meditation side of my martial arts abit more seriously and am quite surprised on how it has affected my peace of mind.

peace

 

[BrainEater]

hey that's cool mate!!...

i don't know about the karma thing... i think it's not always good to think too much about it. i mean if the karma's there it will do its thing and you can only trust in it and be ok with yourself and with what you had been doing yourself.
also it might make sense to learn to trust your own feeling about what is alright and what not. maybe you are not the one to judge your karmic debts or whatever...


peace

 

[Forkbender]

It has nothing to do with karma.

You will have to find a way to feel natural and harmonious without trying to block all external impulses.

Start from the heart.

 

[user_1919]

I have had similar experience and have come to terms I am looking for the journey and not the end result.

 

[Brugmansia]

There's no definite choice to make, have the 2 worlds and enjoy them both sincere, don't put one into another, that's the spirit to carry untill the end of time.

 

[IJesusChrist]

I think all genuine depression, not the chemical imbalance type (exists?), is due to exactly this - you need self-improvement.

This can be done with alot of time, motivation, a good diet, excercise, and goals.

After you start doing this... you'l realize you don't feel any better... just sometimes but not really.

The last step is to not care.

Why does life seem so much better when one does not care?

I've recently been confronted with many panic attacks over the summer, dozens. I don't know from which they stem, but it has to do with my room, and at night. Last year I came to college and didn't think much of it, but they came back. I wasn't expecting them to go away, but I didn't realize they'd come back.

This year I've been taking very small amounts of vitamin D on dreary days, eating for the most part vegetarian, been very busy with school, talked with professors, and finally: I stopped careing. About everything. About my appearance, about myself in other's eyes, all of it. I don't care if I look like an idiot in front of a girl anymore, I don't care if I ask a stupid question, I don't care. Not that I am neglecting myself, but I am living without any thoughts of other's thoughts about me.

I havn't had a panic attack, I havn't been depressed (besides when I had mono and sat on a bed all day).

Take what you will from this, but I am truly amazed at my progress from one year ago - I shall see how I fair come February however... typically the worst time of year for me.

 

[????????]

mindsiyk, what you're feeling is part of the process. what happens is that when you take a psychedelic you get to see yourself from a greater view. and you realize that you can be better off. this happens to all of us because we can be better off, the majority of times. you'd have to be a really happy guy and have a really spotless existence to not feel it. but most of us do feel it; is that voice that whispers you can improve man, you can get your shit together if you try. is the same self-improvement thing jesus mentioned that comes about with depression. i think depression is refusing to follow that voice's advice, blocking it and feeling like crap because of it. you should take advantage of the momentum gained by your recent experience and design goals and plans to improve your self, raise your awareness, enhance your consciousness. it all comes down to this, we are here on Earth to do just that. one lesson at a time.

 

[IJesusChrist]

mindsiyk, ...

1+, although taken not directly for this purpose and should not be taken directly for this purpose, psychadelics give a very powerful motivation for change. Use this while it's still present to your advantage.

 

[Crimzen]

Dunno... What instrument do you play?

you're good.

i see what you did there

 

[ophalma]

It's good that you have a passion at least, many of us don't even have that.

I can't say it much better than Alan Watts did: "For man, we often miss this moment by trying to assure the next moment will be as enjoyable." I think this is what caused my depression. Trying to be something, "successful" or a "good" person, instead of doing something because it is intrinsically fulfilling. But you've probably heard that all before. It took a bunch of lucy for me to really internalize it, I'm not sure why.

noone has all the answers, good luck

 

[overman]

I can absolutely relate to feeling unfulfilled and uncertain about my future, as well as the anxiety and depression that sometimes follows. For some reason it seems as though the only way to overcome this particular collection of sensations is to disconnect myself from thoughts and feelings related to other people in my life. The longer i remain bound by others' expectations and ideals the less content i seem in life. Far too much normative advice being hurled in my direction.

IJesusChrist's advice is rather powerful and I've been attempting to subscribe to it more wholeheartedly but have struggled to pull away and really follow my own path. Which, in my opinion, is all that's "right" or "ethical". The struggle to get real and live free is well worth it though.

Hope the trip was enlightening, and keep pursuing your passions!

 

[bliksem]

I think you nailed it IJesusChrist & overman. We need Purpose. To do things with more certainty. Move with more conviction. Like BrainEater mentioned, we have to break down that door ourself. Our certainty, our conviction, our reasoning leading to it. Don't take my word for it! :?