relationships

[IJesusChrist]

I really don't know what I want in a relationship.

I've always had problems with women, in that I lose interest very fast, even if I know I'd regret losing them. I tend to stray at the 1 year mark, but especially during the change of seasons... I've broken up with every girlfriend I've ever had between september and november (lol).

My latest one is great, she is one of my best friends, I can't imagine not being with her, but I often try on the thought of being with other people... I'm completely against poligamy so that is out (seriousness here... some people think it's fine). I often think this relationship isn't what I want - but then I really don't know what is...

Is there a perfect relationship? Is there even such a thing as a very good one?

I suppose it is all relative, and each will be different due to the difference in people... I just need to give this more thought.

Who's got lady problems as well?

 

[im1badpup]

me i cant fucking get one lol

first thing they seem to want to do is change me. then im not the person they met...AND THEY DONT LIKE IT THEN! :roll:

i need some far out hippie chick what goes with the flow lol

i seem to always get miss whiplash on crack... :axe:

 

[Teonanacapilli]

Do what you feel man, I believe in the possibility of falling in love with the wrong person.

I'm with you badpup, need a hippy lady. Around me the minds are closed and the ideas are old :?

 

[ararat]

falling in love with the wrong person is not only a possibility, but can be an experiential reality :lol: quite a bitter one. but then again, I don't have much experience if it comes to the kind of love that flows through a couple, so no idea if what I experienced one or two times was a desperate longingness or genuine love, but I tend to think it was the first one. I never had a relationship except for two funships (~3 weeks each) while traveling - not the 'real thing'.

no area of my life confronted me with so much hang-ups these days. I got to known to a hippie chick ( ), and meeting her always was quite special.
ahhh I don't want to write stories now, rather keep it short: I'm a huge dramaqueen, even when she had wanted to get together with me (which I had the feeling) it didn't work out because I had so much resistance in myself.
I feel like my childhood left me with a few life-scripts that aren't overly helpful concerning these things. (for example: "I have problems to get together with women I like") curiously, sex has a negative sidetaste in me, like, you are not supposed to have it, it is bad bad bad - and that even though my parents are quite liberal concerning most things (drugs, travel, politics, religion, what have you). of course, all of this is pure illusion, and as with anything, with progressing transcendence things are turning for good. which is why I'm going to visit her today

(also, turning out that I'm not as homosexual as I thought myself to be, lol)


it sucks that in our culture, many people seem to have blanked out the spectrum of love between casual friendships and sexual relationships. it's either this or that. but sometimes I'd rather just feel the warmth of another person, no matter if I'm sexually attracted or not.
to be fair, putting the fault on society doesn't change that one has to be open to what one wants to get, which is also always a factor. (possibly the bigger one)

 

[IJesusChrist]

Yeah, I feel like most of you echoed my concerns...

I really don't know how I get women, I'll be honest. I'm one of the weirdest kids alot of people meet, but I suppose some girls are attracted to guys who are 'different'... Or maybe it's my ignorance of confidence that makes me attractive in a confident manner? I am not sure... but ever since I started thinking

"Maybe I am lonely and should get a girlfriend"

I've been able to get one, but I don't think I've ever felt more than a great friendship from them...

Except the girl that ruined my life; I'm pretty sure I fell in real love in the first grade and continued to love this girl until I graduated, in which time I stopped seeing her - I've had dreams about here every two weeks or so for the past year! Fuck, man, it's intense... Maybe thats why I don't feel much for other girls, well actually I know it is...

I just want to feel that same feeling, but will I ever?

Beyond all this emotional bullshit I'll have to figure out one day is the fact that people get married on the first date. I mean that metaphorically.

Once you hit this certain age, lets say 30, it's like a god damn rule that you're going to marry the next person you date.

"Yeah bud, when you get to be about 30 years old, you just want to settle down"

Translation: You just have to settle with what you can get.

What the fuck is society thinking?!

Fuck!

Fuck you! all of you, in a very loving way.

 

[im1badpup]

any hippy chicks out there? me n Nanacapilli waiting for the message inbox to fill!!

seen as ijc and bananapancake got their hands full lol

although ijc might have room for one more !

 

[NeilPatrickHarris]

sometimes in this world you bump into someone else that's so like-minded as you are, plus other qualities, and you just click. i'm 10 years deep myself, i met my wife at a rave of all places, i definitely wasn't looking for a relationship at the time. it's changed a lot in 10 years, we've grown more patient and mature together and with each other. through whatever happens i got her back and i think she knows that.

i'm convinced it's just blind stupid luck when you bump into that person

 

[darkwolfunseen]

Yeah I can definitely way in on this one but I'm going to keep it as short as possible for a topic this long:

Big difference between relationship vs. "the one" scenarios. Mostly it's compromise. As a guy, whether you want to or not, either way, at least occasionally you'll look at other people, women do too. But also as an individual there will be times when you just need someone, and that is the relationship. They tie you over for your need for another person. They can develop into something more, but usually fizzle out. "The one" isn't actually one, I totally agree with the comment previously that said you can fall in love with the wrong person. So I present the basics:

Part I
It's a personal thing, but for me, "the one" should be attractive to me, stimulating to me, and attracted and stimulated by me. Part I complete.

Part II
How is your conflict resolution? If you can't work things out, doesn't matter how much you love each other, it'll catch up. Otherwise Part II complete.

Part III
How are your culture, environment, and world-view? This comes in too late for most people. They check off the first two, agree to disagree and get married and have kids. Then stuff blows up because you think kids should learn A, she wants B. If you pass this test, then last part left.

Part IV
Family and friends (if it's a big deal to you). I.e. If you love your family and your partner, but they don't like each other, over the years this will wear on you and the relationship.

Now all of these parts should be part of your thoughts from any time you are considering becoming serious. However, my last blurb is this: Often times if you're not comfortable with yourself or are in a high-growth period (schooling, deep psychoanalysis, grief, feeling schizo), unfortunately the problem is you. You just become very difficult to connect with over a period of time because you're growing faster than your partner. I guess the saddest part of that is that most psychonauts over time can turn on a dime due to a meaningful/bad/good trip, so we become hard to connect with. If all other parts are fine in your relationship IJC, then I guess you're prone to growth and drop changes (seasonal is pretty common in psychology, particularly fall).

Sorry, guess that wasn't so short. I guess good relationships shouldn't be either.

 

[IJesusChrist]

man we should definitely have a relationship section, everyone is showing so much more than just the philosophical mumbojumbo I hear all the time on here...

 

[darkwolfunseen]

^^^^ Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense.

 

[Teonanacapilli]

That was really well put dark wolf! I agree with every bit of it, and the relationship section too

 

[viljo]

 

[waygie]

i just want a really good looking girl, with really good style, that is cool and likes to do drugs and party and dance and wont cheat on me
is that too much to ask?

 

[IJesusChrist]

with really good style, that is cool and likes to do drugs and party

I loled

 

[darkwolfunseen]

likes to do drugs and party and dance and wont cheat on me...

Those are two different girls and they don't hook up, sorry, I wish it weren't true

 

[im1badpup]

talking about relationships lol, for you married guys.. watch your wedding video backwards, so your missus takes her ring off, walks up the aisle, gets in the car and fucks off... (youd really wish it happened that way )