Hello all!
I am a twenty-one year old musician, psychonaut and general life enthusiast currently residing in the capital of Norway; Oslo. This fall I'm starting music uni here in Oslo where I'll be further studying drums and music in general together with my band (which you can check out here if you want soundcloud.com/billythefox)
I thought I'd tell you my story so far. It might be a wall of text, but I feel it's a story I need to tell:
I've been a pretty negative person all my life because of many things including mental disorders, social and family situations, growing up as a homosexual far out in the countryside, bullying through school and a self esteem so low it was bordering on psychosis most of the time. Doctors and psychologists tested me and gave me a list of things that were wrong with me which sort of further destroyed my self worth. As I grew older I found others like me, and I gained more trust in life again. I started playing in a band, and I even found a boyfriend. Still, the severe obsessive compulsive disorder I had been diagnosed with kept on replacing the happiness in my life with fear and anxiety, and the knowing of me supposedly having aspergers made me doubt my own social skills and social paranoia started growing.
Even though I've had a playful interest in altered mind states for as long as I can remember, it's an unfortonate fact that my introduction to drugs was based on a need to escape reality and pain. For many years through my younger youth I had a destructive relationship with psychoactive substances. I even had a bad relationship with cannabis, smoking since before school till the second I closed my eyes at the end of the day, after gladly showing down whatever other drugs I might get my paws on inbetween. I made an addictive relationship with opiates and benzodiazepines, I would do research chemicals after school, do crazy combinations like drink raw opium with ten valiums on the side, while smoking DMT on top. For no reason other than becoming fucked up. And I was very depressed, and my disorders and paranoia worsened. Soon school work wasn't going well, and the only love relationship I ever had with another person fell apart.
Seems pretty sappy so far right? Don't worry, it gets better. Last year I moved far away together with my band for a one year music course at a campus in Trondheim, 300 miles from where I had been living. During that year I started seriously working on the OCD, and after a while I quit taking any psychoactive substances. Since I had worked so much on my anxiety and social paranoia, when that year course ended I dared to visit a friend in England whom I'd only met on the Internet, and we went to a music festival together where he introduced me to LSD and MDMA for the first time. At the time I wasn't really aware of the potential use of psychedelic substances in the treatment of many of the things I have struggled with, but after experiencing first hand the effects these drugs had on my OCD, anxiety, social fear and self esteem I started researching more into it once I got home from England. I read up on the brain, its receptors and transmitters, how disorders like OCD affect them, and the impact substances like LSD and psilocybin have on that relationship again. To say that I was hopeful would be an understatement.
That was a few months ago. Since then I've tripped on acid four times and learned so much about myself, my consciousness and my nervous system. Anxiety, depression and paranoia are becoming more and more like a chapter of my life that I'm done writing, and I no longer have to relate to it in any way except for the knowledge I've gained. I've become a much, MUCH more healthy person, both mentally and physically. Acid taught me to enjoy food with my whole body instead of just with my mouth, and being physically active feels like a joy rather than a bother like before. My creativity is blossoming again and I cannot bare going through a day without being creative or productive. I smoke cannabis more or less every day, this time my relationship with the plant has become a healthy one. I smoke to add to the positive, not subtract from the negative.
I would really love to go into detail about my experiences and how they've made me into a better person, but if you think this post is long, reading all I actually have to say would probably take you hours
I'm sure I'll get the chance somewhere else on this forum though!
Anyhow, if you're still reading, I'm excited to read up on all of your experiences with the mind, and all the other resources this forum has to offer!
Remigus
I am a twenty-one year old musician, psychonaut and general life enthusiast currently residing in the capital of Norway; Oslo. This fall I'm starting music uni here in Oslo where I'll be further studying drums and music in general together with my band (which you can check out here if you want soundcloud.com/billythefox)
I thought I'd tell you my story so far. It might be a wall of text, but I feel it's a story I need to tell:
I've been a pretty negative person all my life because of many things including mental disorders, social and family situations, growing up as a homosexual far out in the countryside, bullying through school and a self esteem so low it was bordering on psychosis most of the time. Doctors and psychologists tested me and gave me a list of things that were wrong with me which sort of further destroyed my self worth. As I grew older I found others like me, and I gained more trust in life again. I started playing in a band, and I even found a boyfriend. Still, the severe obsessive compulsive disorder I had been diagnosed with kept on replacing the happiness in my life with fear and anxiety, and the knowing of me supposedly having aspergers made me doubt my own social skills and social paranoia started growing.
Even though I've had a playful interest in altered mind states for as long as I can remember, it's an unfortonate fact that my introduction to drugs was based on a need to escape reality and pain. For many years through my younger youth I had a destructive relationship with psychoactive substances. I even had a bad relationship with cannabis, smoking since before school till the second I closed my eyes at the end of the day, after gladly showing down whatever other drugs I might get my paws on inbetween. I made an addictive relationship with opiates and benzodiazepines, I would do research chemicals after school, do crazy combinations like drink raw opium with ten valiums on the side, while smoking DMT on top. For no reason other than becoming fucked up. And I was very depressed, and my disorders and paranoia worsened. Soon school work wasn't going well, and the only love relationship I ever had with another person fell apart.
Seems pretty sappy so far right? Don't worry, it gets better. Last year I moved far away together with my band for a one year music course at a campus in Trondheim, 300 miles from where I had been living. During that year I started seriously working on the OCD, and after a while I quit taking any psychoactive substances. Since I had worked so much on my anxiety and social paranoia, when that year course ended I dared to visit a friend in England whom I'd only met on the Internet, and we went to a music festival together where he introduced me to LSD and MDMA for the first time. At the time I wasn't really aware of the potential use of psychedelic substances in the treatment of many of the things I have struggled with, but after experiencing first hand the effects these drugs had on my OCD, anxiety, social fear and self esteem I started researching more into it once I got home from England. I read up on the brain, its receptors and transmitters, how disorders like OCD affect them, and the impact substances like LSD and psilocybin have on that relationship again. To say that I was hopeful would be an understatement.
That was a few months ago. Since then I've tripped on acid four times and learned so much about myself, my consciousness and my nervous system. Anxiety, depression and paranoia are becoming more and more like a chapter of my life that I'm done writing, and I no longer have to relate to it in any way except for the knowledge I've gained. I've become a much, MUCH more healthy person, both mentally and physically. Acid taught me to enjoy food with my whole body instead of just with my mouth, and being physically active feels like a joy rather than a bother like before. My creativity is blossoming again and I cannot bare going through a day without being creative or productive. I smoke cannabis more or less every day, this time my relationship with the plant has become a healthy one. I smoke to add to the positive, not subtract from the negative.
I would really love to go into detail about my experiences and how they've made me into a better person, but if you think this post is long, reading all I actually have to say would probably take you hours
I'm sure I'll get the chance somewhere else on this forum though!Anyhow, if you're still reading, I'm excited to read up on all of your experiences with the mind, and all the other resources this forum has to offer!
Remigus