Just want to vent..

[Reasonablelogic]

Life is fucking difficult. I'm 18 no steady job, not in school, car needs to be repaired, rent needs to be payed, I'm stressed out everyday. I'm turning into a loser with no hope. I didn't plan on going to college, but I've decided to now go and major in mathematics. I don't know anymore, I give up on what ever this is.

The more I recognize how ridiculous life in this society is, the less I want to live. I feel alienated from my peers and my family. No one understands, I have no one in my corner, no one even remotely similar. It's like you reach a point of enlightenment where you know too much, or realize too much and you're just alone, fit in nowhere, the outsider. Race doesn't mean anything to me but being black certainly makes matters worse.

I guess writing my frustrations on here makes me feel a little better. I'm just tired is all, tired of hatred, bigotry, culture, class, skin color, I'm sick of it all.

 

[Crimzen]

aah man i know exactly how you feel (or at least very close to it)

at the end of last year i just about lost my mind, im still searching for a job, theres one that seems like i might get it so theres some light coming through

i felt for a long time i was on a steep slope and only ever moving downward, feeling like a loser and feeling very isolated
i pulled away from my friends because they didnt seem like friends anymore and were making things worse
i'm white so i never had the obstacle of race/racism but i did/do suffer from being from where im from and looking how i do

just know, there are people on the same page out there, it just takes awhile to find them
i can certainly relate

 

[IJesusChrist]

You sound like me 3 years ago (im 21 now).

believe me, you get real fucking stupid after you hit 21.

actually ill go a bit deeper. I went on a trip to try and regain that "I'm way too enlightened to be here, everyone's stupid" kind of intelligence, but I still don't have it back, and you know why?

Cause it's an attitude - not an intelligence. You may think you're on a pedestal, that you are an all encompassing being, but apparently not - you cannot get a job, you aren't in school, and you can't fix your own car. I'm not being mean, I'm just pointing out your flaws - which you need.

Once you get into college, which you need to do, and you get into your second or third year, you'll start to realize you may know a little bit about empathy and psychology - the psychonaut in us - but you don't know shit. Professors and TA's are going to knock you down a peg.

 

[spice]

So you think college is the answer for someone who is feeling alienated from society?

It's a fucking Band-aid, is what it is.


The cure?


Renounce society.

People are doing it.


In 5 years or less, I will be in the woods, where I came from, again, probably without being on the grid or having an internal combustion engine.



No internet.


But.....no insanity



This culture is a fucking disease, you are right to doubt it.


Bigger thinkers than all of us think it's utter shite too



IJC can't afford to think this way, he's 21.......I'm 48, and seen at least twice as much shit as my age implies, but the real truth is that -


some people are better at lying to themselves than others

 

[IJesusChrist]

some people are better at lying to themselves than others

We come from two different spectra spice, and we are seeing the same things. I think it is safe to say we are the ying and yang.

 

[Reasonablelogic]

Wow wasn't expecting replies.

Crimzen-

Good luck on getting that job man. And thanks for the encouragement.

Ijc-

It isn't an attitude my friend. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, all egos aside. I'm just saying that I can't adapt or conform because I don't see the point, my mind won't let me. Once you've elevated you thoughts and started exploring your inner-self, you can't go back to bullshit can't you? It isn't something you could grasp in a classroom or chat socially about with colleagues on a lunch-break. This system is fucked up, and those like myself, try to find loop-holes with certain liberties just to survive without feeling oppressed. Truly you understand this, if not than yeah we're on opposite spectras.

Spice-

I completely agree, personal-sanity above all else. Me personally, I won't continue lying to myself.

Outdoor skills and experience definitely comes in handy.

 

[IJesusChrist]

No - it is fucked up...

perhaps i have been blinded by the opiates of america, or perhaps you are over sensitive, or perhaps yet, I have been on my cloud long enough, and understand some things, placing me back here.

You know, at one point in my life I wanted to be stupid. I knew "too much" and was overly sensitive to everyone's feelings. Empathy can be the yoke of a million tons if it is strong enough, and yet what does carrying around that yoke get you? Either you bite your master's fingers and rebel, or you realize what you have and the real freedoms at hand. I can leave this country any time I want, and so can you - and so can spice, but why don't we?

 

[tryptonaut]

You're still very young, nothing is lost! When I was 18-20 I didn't know at all what I was going to do with my life.
I went to university and tried to study, but it all made less and less sense. I became depressed and smoked too much weed and became more depressed.
I pulled the emergency break when I was 25, seeing that I wouldn't be able to get a degree or a job if I was continuing like this, because I didn't like all of what I was doing. I decided to do something that I liked and so I looked for a job training to be a video editor. In the process I found out that I'd rather be a cameraman, and that's what I did.

So actually I started my work life pretty late in life, but today nobody asks me about that anymore. All that counts is that I'm good at my work because I like it, and nobody cares since when I've been in this job.

I'm telling you this because there were many points in my life where I was where you are now. But suddenly something came along, an idea, an opportunity - and it all worked out in the end. Some doors close, others open... just don't let yourself down, keep going, and you'll find other ways to go!

 

[ophiuchus]

there is always a way. sometimes it simply takes time to open up. at times it can appear more difficult, but it is important to not get too wrapped up in things that you lose sight of what you are, that you lose enjoyment of what you are.

 

[reDEEMed]

Majoring in math? Ouch! Nah, I kinda envy you math guys. The fact that you chose math tells me a lot about you and I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. Don't worry, man. After a while it will become the way things are it wont even phase you, kinda like when you were 2 and you realized that santa wasn't black then at 4 you realized wasn't real. Doesn't bother you these days, does it?

As for the race thing, sadly I have to agree that your life sucks worse than mine simply because you're black (or dark brown). I've been married to black women, date almost exclusively black women and I can tell you that no matter where you go and how progressive people are there, we hold on to our stereotypes long and hard. Sucks but it's true.

Have you considered skin bleaching? And perhaps watching WWE and forgetting how to spell? These things may help you gain acceptance in our white world.

Peace

 

[Nanosage]

Your fine, just from that you remind me a lot of myself. But then again.. Its only a small portion.. I don't know lol. Theres a point where everything in life is shit. You just gotta be happy. Its impossible. Borderline insane to be happy ALL the time. But why not be insane? Hmm.. Best of luck to you.

Don't be insane, thats bad advice. Just be happy. Work with what you've got. Maybe say fuck it, and smoke one. Do what you have to do. Posting on the internet does help, its always helped me.. aha.. just keep pushin man!