devilh212 a dit:Two days later, swim still feels this was. they have realised that their past hangups are gone, they have come to peace with themselves, a journey that has taken over 23 years, and has spanned a distance of hundreds of miles. But swim does not know how to feel now they have realised they are ready to die. on some level they wish that they had died. on another level swim feels he wishes they were not ready, but the cruel acceptance that they are and now always will be is difficult to understand and cope with, in the immediate future at least.
i hope this helps you realise what you may find once your new life starts the next day
Thank you man! This is EXACTLY how I felt. Like Ego was being stripped-away. It's scary as shit! Everything I've ever read or anyone has ever told me is summed up by a phrase Terrance McKenna used, "Don't give in to astonishment."
Chill out, relax, but cool. Sit back, you're not going to die, everything is going to be okay, and just "let it happen", "go with it". And you will have an amazing experience.
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But SWIM can't do that. SWIM gets anxiety or panic attacks or something. Swim has done it two times. I could use some pointers explaining What SWIM experienced.
1st. Big toke, ~15min, SWIM went unconscious, their ego was stripped, robots welcomed them, 'something'(not the robots) was calling them, my friend wanted to join them, but felt they were needed 'down here on earth' and Swim cut-off the connection and woke up, completely refreshed as if woken from a perfect nap and a nice shower, right-minded within 60seconds of waking. 15min. (Still very scary first 10-30seconds, but this was a great trip)
*6-month gap*
2nd. Small toke, ~3 minutes, open-eyed awaken trip. Panic attacked. SWIM immediately got out of bed and stood up. SWIM Did not realize you could have open-eyed trips. They realized their eyes were open and began to walk-around their house. Everything looked like a 'toy' and everything 'perfectly polish' or 'refined', the bedroom door was the same bedroom door, but it wasn't… it was more refined and strangely shaped (maybe altered-shadows and perception?) --- SWIM immediately 'wanted out' (and they went in with a great set-and-setting). Panic subsided as quickly as the dmt did (30sec-2minutes). Swim was still fascinated by the experience but not so much 'enjoyed' it. Tempted/fearful to stop forever, curious to go deeper.
Also, SWIM has done LSD a few times, and felt the 'I'm going to die' images and panic-attack feeling before, with LSD I think Swim has overcome it for the most part. DMT is nothing to play with. Definitely respect it.
That being said, there's something there... something out there that SWIM wants to discover (a collective of us discovering it together). Swim thinks about it every day. Yes, they live their life normally and act normal and I know they are in their right-mind. But the DMT was so absolutely profound, a part of them wishes they had never experienced it. But another part of them wants to figure out what the F*** they just experienced. Swim and I have been reading forums casually (like as often as your old man would read a newspaper) for ~6 months. Many stories, no one has a clue.
This can all just be a hallucinatory experience, but it feels REAL. PURE. The Truth that lies behind what yours eyes-nose-mouth-ears-tongue-mind tells you that you are seeing. And I think it's the key to finding the first step in understanding ourselves as humans, ourselves as an individual free from ego or outwardly oppression or judgement, and the next step in mastering our mind, emotions, thoughts. I think it's the next step in human evolution. The next step in technology (studying brain activity in relation to consciousness).
Thanks for listening, tips for Swim's anxiety would be appreciated!
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(Much of this leads to me wanting to meditate more. The Yoga Workout/Meditation craze is real, and I need to get off my lazy a**)