cold and cruel

[viljo]

Hey fellow readers,

Today I would like to really be bold and express some personal feelings. I remember so well talking to a lady in her mid 30's and I remember asking her why she had no children and i'll never forget her reply- Life is just to cruel. Now I was only a teenager at the time and I was a bit puzzled by her reason. Actually I was shocked.

Many years later I not only feel the same but I understand why she said that.

To be honest, as an adult, I have become very frightened by life. I wake up in the morning and I hope that I will make it through the day without making a decision that could find me as just another person that is buried alive in a correctional facility.
I worry so much about paying all the bills on time and not ending up homeless and hungry.
I am terrified that when I get older I will be alone, left in a nursing facility, left to suffer. The thought of having a stroke that could paralyzed me or an illness that could make me so gravely ill.
Or my relationship ending, that would be so devastating.

Although I am not alone in facing these possibilities and outcomes, and I know life is truly about the human struggle and making the right decisions and helping each other. I really don't feel safe and I just do not want to suffer anymore. Even if it has been from my own doing in the past, I just want to be happy and safe and have the ability to enjoy life.

For a person who thinks gambling can really destroy an individual and his life I have always wanted to make a difference but I only need to look at places like Las Vegas and I know I could never make a difference. Hell people do not want me to, they like to gamble.

I love being a human and being alive, I just hate the way things are. Although there is nobody who is personally responsible for that. After a lot of consideration on the matter, I have not enjoyed life to a point were I want to create a life.

 

[KrispedKritter]

I share your feelings around this. As a teen, I always told people that I'd off myself around the mid-30's, because the world is just so grim. I'd never have children, because, shit, they're kids. Annoying little brats who cost money and life and energy et c et c.

That changed a bit since I discovered universal love, but I'm still not sure I'll ever have children. The only reason, as I see it, to have children (or, really, /a/ child, because in the situation that we find ourselves in now, globally, everyone should really just have a child, and not everyone should be permitted to have kids. Seriously, some people just ....) is to further your own genetic line and put the Good in you out there, for the "nü-you" to take into himself. But even that can't be forced.

Instead, I've come to the realization that I should definately help others. Saying that, I don't believe it possible to help other people by forcing it upon them. Even if I want others to be mindful about themselves and in general, to just loosen their egos a bit, it's not for me to make that happen. What I can do, however, is to allow another person to do that work himself. No one can do it for him. But I can be there to support the person; to provide him with a plank upon which he can throw his thoughts and words for himself to hear and see and reflect upon. Sometimes I might further his thoughts by some simple Truth, but it's not for me to make the truth; I can only repeat what has already been given, which is given to all of us. But it is for the individual to choose when he or she is ready to start seeing the given truth.

It's difficult, though. I live in a relationship with a girl who has so much sunlight inside of her, but she won't recognize it. Why? Because to recognize it, means she has to recognize the darkness that is within her, too, through sheer introspection. All the work is hers to do. All I can do is provide her with support, but all the work, she must do herself.

This is the case with all people, globally. We can't force change upon them, although certain circumstances can. You'd think that the fact that the world is on fire and is catching more and more flames by the second would propagate change, but nay. People enjoy living in their bubbles, created by culture, created by salesmen who grow fat upon the suffering of others.

Of course, if you tell someone he is sufferng because he is lost within culture, he'll say you don't know what you're talking about. ( http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2225 ) All you can do, then, is say that you'll be there for that person once he decides he'd enjoy to start seeing the truth for what it is, as long as he is strong enough to withstand whatever the trend is selling right now, like the Skull-King ( http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db ... 2244#comic )

Endless compassion, mate. It's difficult, but it has the power to change the world, person by person.



Start with yourself. ( http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2254 )

 

[Shamanomenon]

Safety is an illusion. One which has been used to seduce and enslave mankind throughout it's existence. Of course one would find themselves adverse to the idea of bearing future generations of slaves whose only purpose is to serve the machine. One can not blame you for this, nor for your own fear. But I assure you that you are absolutely wrong in your assertion that nobody bears personal responsibility for the way of the world. Each of us bears that responsibility equally. Each of us has a duty to try to free ourselves and others from the bonds of slavery. To live in fear is to fear to live. You wish not to be less comfortable in your own bondage, when what you really need is to find the power of love, acceptance and freedom. You are not afraid of life, you are afraid of the evil that you allow to live. And it only grows stronger off your fear and acquiescence. To find happiness, one must first recognize evil. Men are not defined by that with which they identify, but rather that with which they do not.

As for your fear of being homeless and hungry... I found a little wooded area along a river right outside of town. I get to spend my days camping, fishing, swimming in the river, rock climbing, hunting/trapping small game, relaxing in a hammock. I'm within minutes of a small town and within 4-5 miles of 2 other larger ones. I try to donate my time to helping others in their spiritual journeys and helping older people with yard work and odd jobs. My girlfriend lives within walking distance, I frequently visit friends and family and I love every minute of it. The freedom is exhilarating. I don't have to worry about filling out tax forms, taking drug tests, going to work every day, paying bills or any of the other BS that most people accept as life. True, I don't own much of anything and I rarely have money, but I've found that people are generous and money is meaningless.