Danielise it sounds like you had a pretty difficult experience which scared the hell out of you. I suggest to take some time and think really careful about all the things you experience during that acid trip. Like the others already told you, in the end when the experience is integrated you will feel completely different about what happened and you will even be able to laugh about it.
I took my fourth and perhaps final acid trip yesterday. The trip was characterized by what felt like schizophrenic paranoia, awkward social settings (as if they weren't awkward already), feeling autistic and trapped in a plastic box, unable to communicate with the world consciously but feeling as if my subconscious were leaking as if there were an oil spill of thoughts (which made it even more frustrating when I found out i was not saying anything), a feeling that i was blindfolded whenever led anywhere and that i was perpetually waking up from a dream, complete lack of safety, getting stuck in loops and unsure of what was reality and what was fiction, etc.
The things that you describe here are completely normal. When the effect really kick in and the dosage is high enough, it does feel like if you are schizofrenic. And since the effects cause a loss of self-control, its very common or let say normal, that it is very difficult to communicate with the outer world. Since you lose all self-control its also normal to feel insecure, at least if the set & setting are not right.
The trick is, you should never and never, especially if your not experienced enough, trip in a environment in which you feel insecure or where there are people which you don't really know good enough or feel insecure with. You should really choose for an environment like your own home or a friends place where you feel completely safe and secure, and ofcourse there may be NO risk at all for sudden surprises like mom and dad coming home. Unless your mom and dad don't mind whether you are on acid or not, but i don't think that will be the case for you.
Ones the effects start to kick in, you should clear your mind and stop thinking. Forget about the surroundings, the feelings, thoughts etc where you are used to. Acid or other psychedelics will instantly end all these trusted things your used to. Listen to some music, follow the music, let the music drift yourself away. Try also to find someone who is sober and who you fully trust, so this person can take care of you, so that if everything goes wrong and you feel not save, this person can remember you that you are save. If thoughts are getting in your way, clear your mind again. Ones you have forgotten yourself and you have cleared your mind, then that is where the magic starts to kick in. But as long as you keep try to control the trip, you will get intense fights with yourself, which can scare the hell out of you.
I think another important thing is, that for a good trip you need to be in peace of yourself. If you feel like your doing something which isn't allowed by for example your parrents your boy/girlfriend, and you feel conscious or unconscious guilty about the fact your not are honest to them. Then don't be surprised if during a trip, feelings of guilt etc suddenly do popup. If you are afraid of getting schizofrenic, then you can expect these thoughts to suddenly popup in a a trip.
So be more careful if you ever are deciding to take another yourney on acid or whatever other psychedelics that do get in your hands. They not just toys, it are really powerfull things. And if your not taking responsibility for own actions, then not be surprised that the psychedelics or going to teach you a lesson like what you have been going trough on your acid trip.
Good luck with intergrating your experienced, and remember be more careful!
Gr,
Hermes.
