strange first time meditation

[31andsunny]

i was having bad anxiety among other things so i was gonna try meditation i read about it a bit and was gonna try

k so after awhile i think i really managed to calm my mind and then it was like my vision zoomed in and magnafied the blackness behind my eyelids and there was like like silver dots all over it i thought it was pretty cool it only lasted for a few minutes and then went away so i stopped i was only meditating for about 20 minutes

ive tried meditation a few more times after this but never experienced this or anything similiar is this normal?

 

[ararat]

sounds pretty normal. those are called phosphenes, nothing to worry about.

 

[ophiuchus]

you noticed an increase in your awareness, when you tried to find the same images again, you distracted yourself from the relaxation that brought you there in the first place. try not to go into it with expectations

 

[Schwanke668]

In my experience, but I'm usually wierd lol, meditation is about letting go. In a way its about 'taking hold of letting go'.

At first I think you need to just practice being yourself. When I first started my meditation/prayer mix one thing I had to get used to was all the random crap thoughts that were in my head all the time. Instead of constantly responding to them, even with a 'go away' type response I learned to allow them to pass through me.

Over time they diminshed in 'anoyance' of the experience and now even though they are there they dont get in the way of the meditation.

Meditation for me is a calming experience of understanding myself and my mind and allowing my mind to 'be natural' and allow me to learn how to encourage my mind to go in certain directions without forcably taking it somewhere.

In my mind I think true meditation is about allowing your life to pass through you and allowing your very existance to be 'natural' without 'control' or 'direction' but simply 'existing'. Sounds hokey but thats where I'm headed lol. I often find myself naturally doing things without having to think about doing them on purpose and find that i can slip into my meditative state even while doing things like driving or using the computer. I just feel 'natural' or 'oneness'.

So if anything 'looking for something' this early in your meditation journey probably wont work or help. Need to get used to your mind before you can use it. (Arent we all babies in the grand scheme of things?