problem with my mind

[druglessdouglas]

i have a minor problem. for the last 4 or 5 years, when ive taken psychedelics, i havnt been able to reach significantly different states of mind. i still have full-on visual effects but very little actual change in conciousness.

the only great insight ive had recently is that im not having any great insight
its actually making me a little sad. i know i have a LOT to lern but im having difficulty "stepping out" of myself.

last year i put it down to a lack of LSD, but when i did get some there was no great cerebral effect.

when ive taken mescalin the only real non visual effect is a fear of the dark, which otherwise never bothers me

im meditating most days, but meditating just grounds me more. im just too damn sane!

its not that ive gone into any trip with the idea (conciously) of achieving anything. its more in hindsight i realise i havnt, except a general feeling of well-being.

my greatest hope now is that Yage/Aya will open a new door. im sure it will.

does anyone have any ideas? i dont mind a bit of "esoteric" from time to time, i understand its true value

thanks for reading this

 

[Sticki]

Tried DMT mate?

 

[Faust]

DMT will only give him the insight that it's too fast to get an insight.

Maybe you're expecting too much of it and dismiss everything that doesn't suit your expectations.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

You also mentioned this in a recent trip report. I thought about it quite a bit, because I also don't consider my current trips to be as transformative as the ones I had when I was younger. I guess I'm also starting to suffer from the "too damn sane" syndrome, which may or may not be a bad thing. I stopped writing trip reports, because though spectacular and ecstatic, I do not take the content of the trips at face value. In other words, I'm not inclined to believe that some divine entity ("lady Salvia" for example, or "the Mushroom") is going to impart some special knowledge unto me. Or that I'm suddenly going to figure something out about my private life I couldn't with a sober state of mind. I really think it has to do with age, maturity and experience. In the beginning trips strongly affect the period following the trip itself: for weeks you may be trying to figure out what happened, and that may be extremely exciting. But after years of processing like that, you may indeed become pretty sane (integrated, let's avoid that loaded term "enlightened"). So then you just got to "enjoy" the trips themselves, and appreciate it for what it can be: intense reminders of what you already knew.

 

[Forkbender]

Tripping with first-timers can really bring back that special feeling. I try to introduce as many people as possible to it (after a thorough background check :wink and tripping together with them really adds to the experience. It is almost as special as a lonely trip in silent darkness.

Ayahuasca will open doors.

 

[magickmumu]

you should indeed try aya.

 

[GOD]

Stop taking drugs for a month including alcohol , eat good , sleeep good , then take 20 grams of mushrooms made to powder and mixed in 70°C water , let it stand , filter it and drink it on an empty stomach . Dont eat for 4 hours before . Lie down in semi dark with as few sounds as posible and close your eyes and empty your mind .

Then acept that it will never be like the first few times . Your body and mind are now used to it .

 

[CroakingCridler]

I agree with GOD a little on this, you should probably take a tiny break. You might even have a realization or two when you're sober just because of the sudden change in lifestyle (assuming you lead a drug infested lifestyle) then when you get back into it again you will feel refreshed.
Also, I constantly feel like my mind gets too caught up into everything to actually gain from my experiences, at which point if I actually take a moment to stop and consider my circumstances I'll realize how much I've missed out on, but at the same time (because I have been, and still am, feeling this way) I might even be too lazy to actually devote the time to it.
But I'm being somewhat irresponsible, disregarding the fact that you said you meditate. Perhaps you've become so accustomed to your way of life that it's becoming somewhat mundane. Not to assume that you're not enjoying it in some way or another, just perhaps you are feeling something that most everyone feels when they aren't under the influence.
When you ask yourself flat out, what do I want from life? Or, what do I want to learn about myself? What answer do you get? Do you come across an answer?
Another thing I've learned quite well is that I always seem to grow under adversity, have all my ideas (which in a lot of cases seem to be unconscious ideas) under stress, or discomfort. For example when I write I will undergo new developments in my technique or even what I want to write about when I'm feeling most stressed.

When you began with your "experiments" (I'll call them) did you feel somewhat uncertain? Maybe even a little axious, sort of scared, maybe a little shakey because you were excited? And perhaps (I'm assuming alot) now you have become so accustomed to the circumstances that you don't fear them at all, or you just know what to expect.
Perhaps you should put yourself in a little bit of danger. Not literally, but you said you feel more afraid of the dark, perhaps you should confront the dark under an immense trip, and then try to delve into your mind. This might be dangerous (I'm not exactly sure, so don't think I'm forcing the idea upon you) but I know most growth comes from adversity.

On top of confronting your fear perhaps you would do well to find out whatever else bothers you in your life, maybe it's even that you haven't learned anything, and just really concentrate on that aspect of your mind and self. If you need aid in doing it, your mind becomes restless (perhaps not, since you meditate) you could use a writing pad, or whatever aids you can come up with.

 

[ob-noxious]

welcome to the forum cridler

 

[CroakingCridler]

Thanks, I'll try not to wear it out! :lol: <there is an appropriate nervousness in this character's expression.

 

[tryptonaut]

Just today I thought that with age and all my drug experiences I have learned to cherish the normal and sober state of mind as something really special and extraordinarily joyful.
And yes, I can relate to what you say - tripping just isn't as revealing as it used to be. I think it means you've already reached a certain level of wisdom. Can't tell you how to move on, though. If you find a way, please tell me?

 

[user_1919]

Take a year off, then take a massive dose of Ayahuasca

 

[dosefiend]

A large dose of Diphenhydramine 500-800mg will change your whole perspective on life.

 

[Nomada]

Alter your day's pattern. Look for new mind aesthetics. Start a new activity, like writing, or inventing new words; then, mystify with it. Signal your mind for a new adventure, meta-meta-program yourself. Remove this ossification you suffer with meeting a new Other, something new, weird, astonishing, that will beget a new universe inside. Go back to some old passion never uncompleted, never started.

Melt your clay into earth, into the nothing. Then, from this nothing shall come your unborn soul, anew. You are a star child.
And the adventure has just begun. Countless universes await-If ever was I sure of anything.

 

[FluidDruid]

A large dose of Diphenhydramine 500-800mg will change your whole perspective on life.

or just End it..

Careful.. Look up Anticholinergic toxidrome; you don't want that.

I had a friend pass away 4 days ago from an Overdose

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Hi Dosefiend,

This message is posted in "Problems with my mind" in the "General Psychonautics" section and sent to you as a PM.

Your first contribution encouraged dangerous experimentation and so does your third post here. If this is all you have to offer to this forum, please leave. Another post like that will not be tolerated.

Kind regards,
Caduceus

 

[5553b4442]

"when you have understood the message, hang up the phone"