G
Guest
Guest
Some funny shit:
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH...
The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary
Maine-iac [a resident of the People's Republic of Maine].
While satirical in nature,
all satire must have a basis
in
fact to be effective.
This is an excellent piece by a person
who
does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying,
'My Fellow Americans.'
Not doing it this time.
If the polls are any indication,
I don't know who more than half of you are anymore.
I do know something terrible has happened,
and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here:
I Quit!
Now before anyone gets all in a lather
about
me quitting to avoid impeachment,
or
to avoid prosecution or something,
let me assure you:
There's been no breaking of laws
or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple.
I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding
of
what's really going on in the world.
Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do
your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local.
You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians
and
the news media.
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.
THEY WILL STILL BE THERE!
IT WILL STILL BE THERE!
We face real threats in the world.
Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing.
If I were trading blood for oil
I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields
and
let the rest of the country go to hell.
And don't give me this...
'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for,
I could've easily had chemical weapons planted
in
Iraq so they could be 'discovered.'
Instead, I owned up to the fact
that
the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me.
Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office.
Some guy named ' Clinton' established that policy.
Bet you didn't know that, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan, a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him.
He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel.
Did you sleep through high school?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off.
We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive,
just as we do.
We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time.
The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die.
That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed
to taking as many of you with them as they can.
But they are.
They want to kill you,
and
the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11.
But you're not.
That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and
homeland security people
have worked to make sure of that.
When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient.
You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens
of
history, the way our enemies do.
You think that wars should last a few months,
a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support
those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times,
every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign,
well, damn it, you might just as well
Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist.
It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth.
It's all over the Internet.
It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times,
USA Today, or on NBC News.
But even if it were,
I doubt you'd be any smarter.
Most of you would rather watch
American Idol
or
Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations
that the government will always be there
to bail you out,
even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level
and
has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet,
is
where the money comes from.
But,
I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so,
it would sail right over your heads.
So I Quit.
I'm going back to Crawford.
I've got an energy-efficient house down there
(Al Gore could only dream)
and
the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years.
No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected,
and
as soon as I'm done here pretty much
no one will ever hear of it again.
Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age
before
the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too.
That means Pelosi is your new President.
You asked for it.
Watch what she does carefully,
because
I still have a glimmer
of
hope that there are just enough
of
you remaining
who
are smart enough
to
turn this thing around
in
2008.
So that's it.
God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know
what
I mean.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi,
and
buy a Koran .
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH...
The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary
Maine-iac [a resident of the People's Republic of Maine].
While satirical in nature,
all satire must have a basis
in
fact to be effective.
This is an excellent piece by a person
who
does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying,
'My Fellow Americans.'
Not doing it this time.
If the polls are any indication,
I don't know who more than half of you are anymore.
I do know something terrible has happened,
and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here:
I Quit!
Now before anyone gets all in a lather
about
me quitting to avoid impeachment,
or
to avoid prosecution or something,
let me assure you:
There's been no breaking of laws
or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple.
I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding
of
what's really going on in the world.
Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do
your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local.
You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians
and
the news media.
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.
THEY WILL STILL BE THERE!
IT WILL STILL BE THERE!
We face real threats in the world.
Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing.
If I were trading blood for oil
I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields
and
let the rest of the country go to hell.
And don't give me this...
'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for,
I could've easily had chemical weapons planted
in
Iraq so they could be 'discovered.'
Instead, I owned up to the fact
that
the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me.
Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office.
Some guy named ' Clinton' established that policy.
Bet you didn't know that, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan, a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him.
He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel.
Did you sleep through high school?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off.
We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive,
just as we do.
We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time.
The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die.
That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed
to taking as many of you with them as they can.
But they are.
They want to kill you,
and
the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11.
But you're not.
That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and
homeland security people
have worked to make sure of that.
When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient.
You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens
of
history, the way our enemies do.
You think that wars should last a few months,
a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support
those who help the enemy.
Every time you buy the New York Times,
every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign,
well, damn it, you might just as well
Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist.
It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth.
It's all over the Internet.
It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times,
USA Today, or on NBC News.
But even if it were,
I doubt you'd be any smarter.
Most of you would rather watch
American Idol
or
Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations
that the government will always be there
to bail you out,
even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level
and
has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet,
is
where the money comes from.
But,
I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so,
it would sail right over your heads.
So I Quit.
I'm going back to Crawford.
I've got an energy-efficient house down there
(Al Gore could only dream)
and
the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years.
No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected,
and
as soon as I'm done here pretty much
no one will ever hear of it again.
Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age
before
the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too.
That means Pelosi is your new President.
You asked for it.
Watch what she does carefully,
because
I still have a glimmer
of
hope that there are just enough
of
you remaining
who
are smart enough
to
turn this thing around
in
2008.
So that's it.
God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know
what
I mean.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi,
and
buy a Koran .
