toaster032
Matrice périnatale
- Inscrit
- 11 Juin 2011
- Messages
- 6
Hi everyone.
I ran a search but didn't find anything relevant so I created this thread. Hopefully it'll shine some light on binaural beats, or, more specifically, iDoser. The story below is completely true and reading it over right now, it seems a little far-fetched or even ridiculous. Be that as it may, i still consider it an important experience in my life even though I would never want to go through it again. I originally wrote everything below as a letter to several of my closest friends on facebook and it will take too long to go through and edit out all the parts I meant only for my friend to read, so just ignore the parts that don't make sense. I'd really be interested to talk to someone else that may have experienced something similar to the following story.
---
Ok guys. Let me tell you about the experience I had last night/this morning...
If you haven't seen my last post, I spent all of Saturday listening to binaural beats. Basically what it is is an .mp3 that you listen to with headphones. For example, a 25 hertz frequency is played in the right ear and a 20 hertz in the left... the difference is 5 hz, and a 5 hertz brain wave is a Theta brain wave is thestate your brain is in when you're dreaming or are having some seriously deep meditation. So in theory, you begin to hallucinate..
There's a binaural beat called 'Gate of Hades'. It costs $199.95 online, but someone put it up on Pirate Bay for a free download, so I downloaded it. I looked up the reviews online for it, and what I saw seriously creeped me out big time. People were saying that it was the most frightening thing they've ever experienced, e.g. near-death experiences, OBEs, distortion of reality, loss of body image, strong visual and auditory hallucinations, the works. Being the dumbass I am, I shrugged it off and was like 'people just trying to scare others'... so around 11:00 PM last night, I plugged in my headphones into my ipod, lay in my dark room on my bed, and proceeded to listen to 'Gate of Hades'.
I'm going to break everything down for you by the minutes...
11:00 - Began listening to 'Gate of Hades', 5 minutes after my mom yelled at me big time. Just the usual shit. "You dont do anything around the house, you're not going to go anywhere in life, blah blah blah". I felt probably the worst I have since 8th grade, so I fucking gave up and went to bed early. At this point I didn't really give a shit if I experienced hallucinations or distortions of reality.
11:06 - So far the track has only been a quiet humming, among the white noise in the background. My ipod is on max volume, so I can hear every artifact and niche in the track. I think I begin seeing the color blue.. mind you, my eyes are closed and it's probably the placebo effect because of what I read earlier... I had high expectations.
11:11 - still nothing but humming, but it's much louder. It might just be the cold in the room, but I have socks on... my feet start feeling REALLY cold and my hands start shaking. I roll up my blankets and the cold kind of goes away.
11:12 - I start feeling dread. I can't fucking explain it, it was so fucking heavy- I just felt as if something had gone wrong. I start remembering a bunch of stupid shit, like scary videos I watched like amonth ago, stuff I had forgotten already. I try to think about happier stuff but no dice. I think at this point I started having really hateful feelings toward a lot of things, my mom for one.
11:12 - the track starts pulsating. up and down, up and down, it's slow but it still causes a feeling of unease. My room seems really empty.... its hard to explain, it just seemed like there was nothing in my room but I could see everything, like my desk, bookshelves and the door, it just seemed like my room was bare and there was nothing in there. my walls have nothing on them, and just by looking at the walls I freaked and started feeling really nervous
13 minutes in - THe pulsating starts increasing with speed and pitch. The increase is slow and the pitch is too, but with every jump its like your heart stops. I cant explain it, it was like the feeling when you get punched in the chest, but a LOT less powerful. You know the feeling like when your heart drops when you hear really bad news, it was kind of like that
13 minutes, 27 sec - the increase of pitch and pulsing reaches the peak, and it stays there. It's still pulsing and the pitch is at a constant. I'm completely scared at this moment and i reach to turn on the light above my bed, I flick the switch and I don't notice if the light turns on or not. This is when I realize- holy shit. I fucking looked around my room. This is the hardest part to explain. Everything was black and gray. It wasn't the color of it, just the tonality and the fucking feel of it, everything looked EVIL. It probably sounds funny, but my computer made me cry from fright. Seriously this was fucking scary. There wasn't any shadows or like creepy music or anything, my room looked the same but everything seemed bad.
13:57 - the pitch changes to the stereotypical horror movie pitch, it's unsettling but nowhere near as bad as it was at 13:27... I don't know how far the track was at this point and I thought it was closing out
17:00 - still nothing, no changes. I'm pretty calmed down right now.
20:56 - I feel hot, so I take off my shirt and throw it on my desk. Still no good, so I throw my blankets off.
around 20:58 - i start sweating
22:00 - This is the ultimate worst moment I experienced. The quiet humming just DROPS theres no other word for it, it's like it simply fell, not just stopped. The audio crackles and crumbles. I began feeling sick, but I fucking swear to god, I couldn't turn it off. it's not like I was possessed or something, my fingers were just locked up. I couldn't open my eyes. The sound I could liken to being sucked through a metal tube- it was hollow, metallic, elastic, stretching back and forth and I swear to god, i thought I was going to die, my fucking head felt like it was being stretched or pulled back.
sometime after 22- I can't even look at the clock. My bed and mattress, they seem like sandpaper and my back starts burning as if it had been sanded. I start having a feeling of vertigo, and It feels like there's a heavy wind blowing and I could have sworn that my hair was moving. It literally fucking felt like the was something in my scalp. I can't move my hands to itch it. I don't even remember or know what I was thinking at this point, all I know is that it happened. I wouldn't say I was in pain, but rather it was more like killer fright; it was this immense feeling as if all the hate and worry and sick had been piled on top of me and I was being crushed by the weight of this shit. My ears start pounding, and pulsing along with the vibrations in the headphones. My stomach feels cold. I still can't open my eyes.
prob. around 24 or 25:00- the pitch and vibrations reaches a crescendo and I can finally open my eyes. I was fucking scared: everything was a really heavy red color and it looked like it was shaking. I swear it was snowing in my room and i felt little pinpricks of cold on my skin.
maybe 26:00- the pinpricks start hurting. I can move my hands so I start itching my skin like crazy. Everything seems so SLOW.. there's the slow when you're high from pot, and there was this, it seemed like I was swaying up and down, like in a jumping movement. I don't know why i didn't turn the fucking ipod off.
28:00 - it reaches the highest point in pitch. Everything just goes white and I don't even know what I did.
all I know is that everything is white, and I'm listening to something really high pitched. I'm not in pain as far as I can tell. I don't think I was physically aware of anything at all. I didn't feel shit- not the pinpricks on my skin, not the abrasiveness I felt of the bed, not cold, not hot, no pain, nothing, it's like I just didn't exist.
Soon the pitch starts hollowing out. It pierces my ears at one point and I feel as though my head is being forced through a really narrow and hot rubber tube. The pitch still has a kind of abrasiveness to it, and it's still sharp.
I just looked back at the track, at 29:08, the sharpness and the edge of the pitch just rubs back and forth on each other and they dull down, leaving nothing but the humming that was at the beginning of the track. I started violently shaking and I was like, being pulled down slowly. I swear to god it felt like I was under my bed, under my house, under the ground. I don't know how else to explain it, it just felt like I was underneath and below everything. I start remembering totally random events- band practices, homecoming, something else I don't remember. Then suddenly, i'm like, launched up and I'm soaked in sweat, laying the wrong way on my bed. The track is still vibrating, shuddering and rubbing, but it's fading in volume and the pitch sounds so soothing, so normal, it's pleasant. I was fucking scared to shit so i just threw everything on my desk and went to wash my face in the bathroom. There was still a ringing in my ears and I felt warped, as if my body had been twisted and bent, like clay. I felt rubbery, like I had done a lot of stretches. My ears still felt like they were throbbing.
I was afraid to look into the mirror so I just kind of stood in the doorway of the bathroom and was afraid to turn on the lights. It wasn't just fear or fright, I felt like I was in serious shit, like I was moments away from SOMETHING, it just felt evil. Sounds really cliche, but that's how it was. I ended up standing there for who knows how long and after a while I flipped the light switch- and i was fine. I obviously looked fucked up, my hair was sticking to my head, I was shaking a bit and my eyes were red, but everything else was fine. I washed my face and obviously couldn't take a shower, it was past midnight and I would wake everyone else up by turning the shower on, and I really didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment.
But... I could swear on my life, the colors of everything I saw in the bathroom, they seemed to stand out more, not like they were more vivid than before, I just felt as if somehow the intensity of the color had been brought out. that's not a good explanation, and I suppose I'll never be able to accurately explain what I mean by that.
Now, about 16 hours later, I'm fine physically. I'm not shaking, all colors are normal, I feel fine physically. Mentally, I've still got an edge. As i'm writing this, I still feel a little nervous about nothing, just nervous. I'm not worrying about anything, but i just have a slight feeling of unease. Maybe it's just remembering everything that happened, but it could also be the after-effects of what had happened. I am definitely NOT going to tell my parents about this. I feel comfortable telling you guys about it, because you were aware that I was going to try it, and I don't feel that I will be judged characteristically for trying out what turned out to be the most horrific thing I remember experiencing. This was not a 'recreational drug': I feel I have been, for lack of a better term, fucked up. I'm never going to forgot this, and I don't know if that's good or bad. I feel more spiritual or anything. I feel much more calmer, if I overlook my nervousness (which will probably, hopefully, soon pass). Things my mom said last night that really hurt me, I don't care about them right now. The only thing I feel right now is a little bit of nervousness, but much more of what I feel right now is calmness, and love for my friends, so I feel that I should thank you guys. Nothing's changed, feeling-wise for anyone, the only thing that has changed is that I no longer give a shit about things that really have hurt me before. If I chill, things will work out on their own, by themselves. Music has a hold on me, and I've got my bros to be with, be they male or female... you guys know who you are.
Just a quick note: if anyone would like to try listening to 'Gate of Hades', let me know by tomorrow morning, or I will delete it permanently, and never download it again. I'm not touching this shit anymore. I will continue listening to binaural beats, but I'm done with Gate of Hades. I feel like i've been through hell, and I dont want to accumulate Frequent Flyer miles. Just think carefully: I think that overall, the effect was positive for me, I feel good and free. You might not. I would think that suicidal thoughts would probably be the norm for a lot of people that listen to this, but whatever, it's your call.
So in closing, thank you guys for everything, and hopefully you didn't freak out too much reading this. I just really had to get it out and tell someone, and my parents are not the ones to tell this too... thanks again.
---
I ran a search but didn't find anything relevant so I created this thread. Hopefully it'll shine some light on binaural beats, or, more specifically, iDoser. The story below is completely true and reading it over right now, it seems a little far-fetched or even ridiculous. Be that as it may, i still consider it an important experience in my life even though I would never want to go through it again. I originally wrote everything below as a letter to several of my closest friends on facebook and it will take too long to go through and edit out all the parts I meant only for my friend to read, so just ignore the parts that don't make sense. I'd really be interested to talk to someone else that may have experienced something similar to the following story.
---
Ok guys. Let me tell you about the experience I had last night/this morning...
If you haven't seen my last post, I spent all of Saturday listening to binaural beats. Basically what it is is an .mp3 that you listen to with headphones. For example, a 25 hertz frequency is played in the right ear and a 20 hertz in the left... the difference is 5 hz, and a 5 hertz brain wave is a Theta brain wave is thestate your brain is in when you're dreaming or are having some seriously deep meditation. So in theory, you begin to hallucinate..
There's a binaural beat called 'Gate of Hades'. It costs $199.95 online, but someone put it up on Pirate Bay for a free download, so I downloaded it. I looked up the reviews online for it, and what I saw seriously creeped me out big time. People were saying that it was the most frightening thing they've ever experienced, e.g. near-death experiences, OBEs, distortion of reality, loss of body image, strong visual and auditory hallucinations, the works. Being the dumbass I am, I shrugged it off and was like 'people just trying to scare others'... so around 11:00 PM last night, I plugged in my headphones into my ipod, lay in my dark room on my bed, and proceeded to listen to 'Gate of Hades'.
I'm going to break everything down for you by the minutes...
11:00 - Began listening to 'Gate of Hades', 5 minutes after my mom yelled at me big time. Just the usual shit. "You dont do anything around the house, you're not going to go anywhere in life, blah blah blah". I felt probably the worst I have since 8th grade, so I fucking gave up and went to bed early. At this point I didn't really give a shit if I experienced hallucinations or distortions of reality.
11:06 - So far the track has only been a quiet humming, among the white noise in the background. My ipod is on max volume, so I can hear every artifact and niche in the track. I think I begin seeing the color blue.. mind you, my eyes are closed and it's probably the placebo effect because of what I read earlier... I had high expectations.
11:11 - still nothing but humming, but it's much louder. It might just be the cold in the room, but I have socks on... my feet start feeling REALLY cold and my hands start shaking. I roll up my blankets and the cold kind of goes away.
11:12 - I start feeling dread. I can't fucking explain it, it was so fucking heavy- I just felt as if something had gone wrong. I start remembering a bunch of stupid shit, like scary videos I watched like amonth ago, stuff I had forgotten already. I try to think about happier stuff but no dice. I think at this point I started having really hateful feelings toward a lot of things, my mom for one.
11:12 - the track starts pulsating. up and down, up and down, it's slow but it still causes a feeling of unease. My room seems really empty.... its hard to explain, it just seemed like there was nothing in my room but I could see everything, like my desk, bookshelves and the door, it just seemed like my room was bare and there was nothing in there. my walls have nothing on them, and just by looking at the walls I freaked and started feeling really nervous
13 minutes in - THe pulsating starts increasing with speed and pitch. The increase is slow and the pitch is too, but with every jump its like your heart stops. I cant explain it, it was like the feeling when you get punched in the chest, but a LOT less powerful. You know the feeling like when your heart drops when you hear really bad news, it was kind of like that
13 minutes, 27 sec - the increase of pitch and pulsing reaches the peak, and it stays there. It's still pulsing and the pitch is at a constant. I'm completely scared at this moment and i reach to turn on the light above my bed, I flick the switch and I don't notice if the light turns on or not. This is when I realize- holy shit. I fucking looked around my room. This is the hardest part to explain. Everything was black and gray. It wasn't the color of it, just the tonality and the fucking feel of it, everything looked EVIL. It probably sounds funny, but my computer made me cry from fright. Seriously this was fucking scary. There wasn't any shadows or like creepy music or anything, my room looked the same but everything seemed bad.
13:57 - the pitch changes to the stereotypical horror movie pitch, it's unsettling but nowhere near as bad as it was at 13:27... I don't know how far the track was at this point and I thought it was closing out
17:00 - still nothing, no changes. I'm pretty calmed down right now.
20:56 - I feel hot, so I take off my shirt and throw it on my desk. Still no good, so I throw my blankets off.
around 20:58 - i start sweating
22:00 - This is the ultimate worst moment I experienced. The quiet humming just DROPS theres no other word for it, it's like it simply fell, not just stopped. The audio crackles and crumbles. I began feeling sick, but I fucking swear to god, I couldn't turn it off. it's not like I was possessed or something, my fingers were just locked up. I couldn't open my eyes. The sound I could liken to being sucked through a metal tube- it was hollow, metallic, elastic, stretching back and forth and I swear to god, i thought I was going to die, my fucking head felt like it was being stretched or pulled back.
sometime after 22- I can't even look at the clock. My bed and mattress, they seem like sandpaper and my back starts burning as if it had been sanded. I start having a feeling of vertigo, and It feels like there's a heavy wind blowing and I could have sworn that my hair was moving. It literally fucking felt like the was something in my scalp. I can't move my hands to itch it. I don't even remember or know what I was thinking at this point, all I know is that it happened. I wouldn't say I was in pain, but rather it was more like killer fright; it was this immense feeling as if all the hate and worry and sick had been piled on top of me and I was being crushed by the weight of this shit. My ears start pounding, and pulsing along with the vibrations in the headphones. My stomach feels cold. I still can't open my eyes.
prob. around 24 or 25:00- the pitch and vibrations reaches a crescendo and I can finally open my eyes. I was fucking scared: everything was a really heavy red color and it looked like it was shaking. I swear it was snowing in my room and i felt little pinpricks of cold on my skin.
maybe 26:00- the pinpricks start hurting. I can move my hands so I start itching my skin like crazy. Everything seems so SLOW.. there's the slow when you're high from pot, and there was this, it seemed like I was swaying up and down, like in a jumping movement. I don't know why i didn't turn the fucking ipod off.
28:00 - it reaches the highest point in pitch. Everything just goes white and I don't even know what I did.
all I know is that everything is white, and I'm listening to something really high pitched. I'm not in pain as far as I can tell. I don't think I was physically aware of anything at all. I didn't feel shit- not the pinpricks on my skin, not the abrasiveness I felt of the bed, not cold, not hot, no pain, nothing, it's like I just didn't exist.
Soon the pitch starts hollowing out. It pierces my ears at one point and I feel as though my head is being forced through a really narrow and hot rubber tube. The pitch still has a kind of abrasiveness to it, and it's still sharp.
I just looked back at the track, at 29:08, the sharpness and the edge of the pitch just rubs back and forth on each other and they dull down, leaving nothing but the humming that was at the beginning of the track. I started violently shaking and I was like, being pulled down slowly. I swear to god it felt like I was under my bed, under my house, under the ground. I don't know how else to explain it, it just felt like I was underneath and below everything. I start remembering totally random events- band practices, homecoming, something else I don't remember. Then suddenly, i'm like, launched up and I'm soaked in sweat, laying the wrong way on my bed. The track is still vibrating, shuddering and rubbing, but it's fading in volume and the pitch sounds so soothing, so normal, it's pleasant. I was fucking scared to shit so i just threw everything on my desk and went to wash my face in the bathroom. There was still a ringing in my ears and I felt warped, as if my body had been twisted and bent, like clay. I felt rubbery, like I had done a lot of stretches. My ears still felt like they were throbbing.
I was afraid to look into the mirror so I just kind of stood in the doorway of the bathroom and was afraid to turn on the lights. It wasn't just fear or fright, I felt like I was in serious shit, like I was moments away from SOMETHING, it just felt evil. Sounds really cliche, but that's how it was. I ended up standing there for who knows how long and after a while I flipped the light switch- and i was fine. I obviously looked fucked up, my hair was sticking to my head, I was shaking a bit and my eyes were red, but everything else was fine. I washed my face and obviously couldn't take a shower, it was past midnight and I would wake everyone else up by turning the shower on, and I really didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment.
But... I could swear on my life, the colors of everything I saw in the bathroom, they seemed to stand out more, not like they were more vivid than before, I just felt as if somehow the intensity of the color had been brought out. that's not a good explanation, and I suppose I'll never be able to accurately explain what I mean by that.
Now, about 16 hours later, I'm fine physically. I'm not shaking, all colors are normal, I feel fine physically. Mentally, I've still got an edge. As i'm writing this, I still feel a little nervous about nothing, just nervous. I'm not worrying about anything, but i just have a slight feeling of unease. Maybe it's just remembering everything that happened, but it could also be the after-effects of what had happened. I am definitely NOT going to tell my parents about this. I feel comfortable telling you guys about it, because you were aware that I was going to try it, and I don't feel that I will be judged characteristically for trying out what turned out to be the most horrific thing I remember experiencing. This was not a 'recreational drug': I feel I have been, for lack of a better term, fucked up. I'm never going to forgot this, and I don't know if that's good or bad. I feel more spiritual or anything. I feel much more calmer, if I overlook my nervousness (which will probably, hopefully, soon pass). Things my mom said last night that really hurt me, I don't care about them right now. The only thing I feel right now is a little bit of nervousness, but much more of what I feel right now is calmness, and love for my friends, so I feel that I should thank you guys. Nothing's changed, feeling-wise for anyone, the only thing that has changed is that I no longer give a shit about things that really have hurt me before. If I chill, things will work out on their own, by themselves. Music has a hold on me, and I've got my bros to be with, be they male or female... you guys know who you are.
Just a quick note: if anyone would like to try listening to 'Gate of Hades', let me know by tomorrow morning, or I will delete it permanently, and never download it again. I'm not touching this shit anymore. I will continue listening to binaural beats, but I'm done with Gate of Hades. I feel like i've been through hell, and I dont want to accumulate Frequent Flyer miles. Just think carefully: I think that overall, the effect was positive for me, I feel good and free. You might not. I would think that suicidal thoughts would probably be the norm for a lot of people that listen to this, but whatever, it's your call.
So in closing, thank you guys for everything, and hopefully you didn't freak out too much reading this. I just really had to get it out and tell someone, and my parents are not the ones to tell this too... thanks again.
---
