10 Second Prayer: "Fuck me hard."

[Schwanke668]

Prayed it. WOW. LOOOOLLLL.

Within about 5 minutes I was in this experience of like pure thought. No words. No paradigms. No lexicons. Just PURE. IT. LOL. It was like was not me. Like dead but not dead. I actually felt myself blackout for a second like 1 to 2 seconds of consciousness so pure ad so insane that my mind couldnt process it and I had to run and hide at a psychological level.

Only lasted about 5 minutes but when I came down I was weeping and breathing funny and couldnt barely see. Gettin goos bumps a little flashin back to it right now. Just like wtf lol.

It was something like pure pain and pure love at the same time. Like my pain was MINE but it was so personal and so intense that I was glad for my pain because I could see everything that my pain had done for me to make me who I was and that it was good to be who I was.

It was something like pure fear. But it was like the memories of everything I had ever been afraid of washed over me and when I came out it was like there was nothing left to be afraid of.

It was something like pure LOVE. Like it was living, breathing, moving LOVE. Putting any kind of name on it seemed to diminish it and I just moved back into this pure thought experience and allowed it to permeate me.

I felt like I was floating through space and time on the wings of psychotic angels. They were torturing me and destorying me, removing every last bit of humanity from my soul AND I LOVED IT! SUCH FREEDOM!

It was just.. wow. Wicked lol.

 

[zezt]

WOW what drugs you on??

sorry couldn't resist

 

[Schwanke668]

I've started doing drugs to sober up lol. So far it seems a couple of days of salvia at night just like a little bit of leaves nothin hard core and then a mixture of either smoked shrooms or panama bud (the cheesy legal kind) or both seems to relax me in the evenings and mellow out my days in the afternoon.

So far it *seems* that doing low doses of legal psychedelics puts a restfulness in my waveform that I didnt have before. I am watching for psychological addiction by taking a day off here and there to keep an eye on how i feel without it. Dont want to become depandent on them any more then anything else.

But yeah. That was one of my better 'Jesus trips' lol. Normally I cant even describe them. I have about 10 to 20 minutes of pure consciosness and absense of thoughts in english and then as I come out of it I can kind of figure out what happened maybe in bits and pieces over a few days as it slowly come back to me.

Part of the problem is a lot of the 'Jesus trips' are actually outside of time so i often find that a piece of the trip is locked away in my psyche till a point in time later where it unfolds in my mind and I can see clearly the importance of what was said and why it was said and what to do about it. But until that time the 'memory' of that piece of trip is just a 'blotch' in my psyche. I can see it and feel it and touch it but I cant do anythin with it.

Give you an idea. About 8 or 9 years ago I asked God the question "Why?" and about 2 years ago he answered me but it was in tongues and its taken me 2 full years to translate the first part that says "Because I" and I am still working on the rest lol. Its bouncin around in my head but as time goes on I pick up bits and pieces and clues as to what I need to do to translate it. LOL.