I spent all night thinking about you . Worrying . After what you have written here EVERYONE , INCLUDING ME......AND ESPECIALY THE MODERATOR ... should have told you not to do it . We are legaly and moraly responsible for each other and if we have learned anything at all from psychoactive substances we should take each other seriously and be consequent . We should have told you to go back to your doctor and talk to him . Neurologists are everyones friend . If you cant talk to yours about drugs without him being negative , get another one . These people are specialists in the way we think and make decisions . Psilocybin can be dangerous for people with social anxiety , depressions , panic attacks and/or "platzangst" ( sorry i forgot the english word (?) for that ) , it can make people feel very insecure . After reading what you have said in your last post , it sounds like you are honest with yourself ? All people have feelings and thoughts like you have talked about sometimes in their lives . They are just to frightened to talk about it in public or even admit it to themselves . Its a bit like having a wart ( warzen ? ) . if you accept it honestly , see it as something normal , there is a good chance that it will , in time , go away on its own . Or you have to learn to live with it . Fear is not bad , without it humanity would not be able to survive , see it as being your friend and helper , a good advisor . At the moment on our dying planet a "feeling of impending doom kinda stuff." is a healthy sign . Accept yourself , love yourself , be honest and consequent .
It would be better if you knew exactly how strong your mushroom tea is before doing experements . You need to know exactly what weight and what type of mushrooms are in a tea to be able to dose it correctly . If you dont know that , it would be better to throw it away and start again . You also need to be clear about what medication the doctor has given you . Some medicins/antipsychotica take a long time to get out of ones system = you might not be getting effects from your tea because the medicine is blocking it , making correct dosing an imposibility for MONTHS to come .
It would be better for you if you stop watching horror movies . You need a stabil mental frame work , a clear view of reality , wich is virtualy imposible if you spend time watching such negative fantasy films . You should not be playing with your own fears , wich is the kick people get watching horror films . If you need an extra kick go bungee jumping .
I hope that helps you .
LOVE GOD
and go for 30 grams the next time? These failed attempts are becoming a waste of time, effort and money ...
