This was going to be my second Ayahuasca experience.
Since my first and last wasn't that impressive (I just had a low dose) I decided to try out a different place here in the Netherlands. Once there I also mentioned the thing about the low dose and hoped I would get a bigger dose this time.
---
A. bought a strip of land half covered by forest and constructed a hut on it for the ceremonies. It is especially an construction of wood, poles and currogated iron and is decorated with a lot of colorful glass and paint.
Our group consisted of about 27 people, the hut was big enough for that.
I immediately felt at ease at the place, everyone was kind and A. made a very good impression on me.
It occured to me that he and a friend were going to be the only guides during the ceremony, which was a bit bad, but not that much. He said that when you felt like you needed help you could always ask for it.
Everything was very relaxed, there were even some German and Frech-speaking people in the group.
Half of the Ayahuasca was made by A. himself, the other half was made by a shaman from the rainforest of Equador.
It was very concentrated stuff, so fortunately we didn't need to drink a lot of it. I'm not sure what kind of plants were in there, because the names of the plants that he mentioned didn't sound familiar to me.
After I drank the first cup of Ayahuasca I went back to my matress.
My God, this stuff tastes so awful. I tried to wash the taste away with water but the taste is so persistent on your tongue, terrible. I tried to get myself at peace with my concentration on my breathing, but I also felt I might be in need of some nice cool fresh air.
When outside my vomit reflex immediately came up and I ran to the vomit-hole near the hut. So, I couldn't really keep that first cup inside me, too bad.
I did notice a subtile effect, but when everyone had his/her first cup I went back to A. to tell what happened and ask for a new cup.
There was a bowl with orange parts to eat and wash the bad taste away. I could take as much as I'd like, so I made thankful use of that.
After some struggling with my stomach and attempts at making it relax a bit I lied down on my back. (I did it!)
Slowly I drifted away in a very nice trance. I put my hands on my chest and as I drifted away in this trance I felt my hands become one with my chest, I just couldn't feel my body anymore. I was really sinking deep within myself, and meanwhile I was seeing the strangest things.
Icon/symbol-like things (like on traffic signs or on your computer) with yellow, red, black, white and green colors. And everytime I got back to the thought of that I might need to vomit again these many little icons started to move and change in a way as if they wanted me to puke. Everything what I saw was really strange and reminded me of old 16-bit videogames. They were also moving and reshaping in a very agressive manner. I thought 'My God, how is my mind capable of this? Does this really come from my own mind? I don't believe it!' I was really amazed by it.
But I kept feeling this pressure in my stomach, and when I sank back in this trance I didn't feel it physically anymore but it was still present in my subconciousness as some kind of bad vibe, a hidden bad feeling below some layers of pure amazement and weird stuff. So after some time I decided to go outside, just in case.
The bathroom and vomit-hole had a short distance between them, and I was having a big problem. I wasn't able to figure out wether I really needed to go to the bathroom or to puke. I just couldn't feel my body that well, I was too much in my trance for that. That made me end up inbetween the two places.
But then it really came up and I leaned against the nearest tree. Not in the vomit-hole, but I couldn't care less. Finally all this stuff was getting out of my body.
While I was throwing up so heavily I was seeing strange reptile like shapes around me. Completely in my view. This was very strange. All these animals were just there for a short while, just watching me how I was throwing up. Not really with any intentions, just only watching me, being present for me, nothing more. That really felt impressive and while I was throwing up I was constantly amazed by it.
After washing my mouth and looking around I decided to go back to the hut. While walking back I felt stronger and stronger, that was really nice. I was so glad the bad stuff had finally left my body. Only the good stuff was remaining in my body and it felt like the world couldn't be much better at that moment.
Once on my matress I lay down and was gone in myself.
This was fantastic. I felt pure love and saw the most beautiful things! A big difference with before 'the purging', everything was much more peaceful. No cartoony agressive angular and chaotic stuff anymore.
I saw a lot of yellow and blue spirals and slow peaceful moving fractals.
Finally I could experience what a real pure trance is like!
I read about brain waves and the REM-sleep stage, and I recognized this! A very impressive confirmation for me. The feeling reminded me of waking up at sunday morning and remembering you don't have any plans for that day which allows you to sleep a little longer and then to doze off again! But instead of being completely gone after going back to sleep I was aware of the state I was in and was still aware when I sank back in the REM-sleep caused by the incredible DMT molecule.
I was lying like this for some time and enjoying every millisecond of it together with the beautiful music made by A. and his colleague.
But after some time experiencing it like this I decided I felt like trying out some Tai Chi/Qi Gong moves outside, just to improvise and see what it felt like. So that was what I was going to do.
This was very impressive as well, but while I was busy doing these moves I noticed the effects were getting weaker.
There was a guy who had a bit of trouble near the campfire a small distance away from the hut. He was lying in the grass and making some strange noises.
Someone asked how he was feeling, he said he was doing ok.
I observed him and the whole situation for a while and someone else came along and said that he really needed to go back to the hut. 'You should go back man. The hut's where the ritual takes place, not here. Go back man.' But my opinion was that if he was feeling okay there and didn't feel the need to go back to the hut that he just should stay here in the grass. I didn't think anyone really 'had' to do certain things there that night. After a short attempt to get him to the hut the people gave up and left him alone in the grass to get the shaman to help him. The shaman thought it couldn't harm him just to lie in the grass.
I sat down by two people around the campfire, while the other guy was still lying in the grass near it.
We had very interesting conversations that varied from crystals to life and the universe itself.
At one moment one of these people decided to roll a nice joint for us to smoke. I told about Simon Vinkenoog - whom I've only known for a short time now - but that he already had a lot of influence on me and I told about a poem that had a deep impression on me. I wanted to recite it but could only remember small parts of it:
(This is a Dutch poem so I'm trying to translate it as well as possible)
'It should get lighter, not heavier.
You are a man, not a rock.
You don't harden, you are softening.
You don't petrify, you dissolve.
You travel upwards.'
And for Dutch people here the original version:
'Het moet lichter worden, niet zwaarder.
Je bent een mens,geen steen.
Je wordt niet hard, je wordt juist zacht.
Je versteent niet, je lost op.
Je rijst omhoog.'
The guy who was lying in the grass told about a picture he had seen on the web called 'Zen Dog', a dog with sunglasses on in a boat in the ocean. Zen Dog doesn't care where he's going, he just let's the ocean decide.
Later I remembered another part of the same poem of Vinkenoog.
'You don't need to believe anyone.
You can never believe anyone.
Will you never believe anyone anymore?
All knowledge comes from you,
flows in you from inside.'
Original Dutch version:
'Je hoeft niemand to geloven.
Je kunt ook niemand meer geloven.
Wil je nooit meer iemand geloven?
Alle weten komt uit jou,
vloeit je toe van binnenuit.'
I couldn't remember more, even while I really wanted to recite the whole poem.
A minute or so later the guy from the grass came to me and sat beside me. He told me he was having difficulties and that me reciting that part of the poem for him really helped him a lot and thanked me. He seemed really grateful.
That felt really good and from that moment we had a long conversation about philosophy and other deep subjects.
I hadn't had such a nice conversation in a long time and it seemed to benefit us both.
After some time in the conversation I noticed the sky was clearing up and the moon was visible. A bit earlier that night I said it was bad that the sky was so clouded and that we couldn't see any stars. But now we could! And the moon was really beautiful. That was a nice extra present for the already beautiful night.
Later on I recited another short poem written by Remco Campert which made me even a bigger fan of the poem:
This is also in Dutch, and since it's so short it's very hard to translate it correctly, but here's a try:
'The world swings like crazy
and the rest
is mumbling from beggars.'
Original Dutch version:
'De wereld swingt als de pest
en de rest
is gemompel van bedelaars.'
My companion laughed after thinking it over, he really liked it!
In the end we went back to the hut and made some music with the instruments of A. A. had a hang drum, wow! I really wanted to try it out. It turned out it was harder to play than I thought, but it was really fun to play.
After that I went asleep immediately.
I slept heavenly, probably not very long, but I felt refreshed.
I've had a big confirmation for so many things. Not really completely new insights, but everything felt so good and everything that I experienced was like a very good and beautiful confirmation that I am on the right track and that I should just be doing what I already am doing. Which is what I will do! Thanks for reading!
Since my first and last wasn't that impressive (I just had a low dose) I decided to try out a different place here in the Netherlands. Once there I also mentioned the thing about the low dose and hoped I would get a bigger dose this time.
---
A. bought a strip of land half covered by forest and constructed a hut on it for the ceremonies. It is especially an construction of wood, poles and currogated iron and is decorated with a lot of colorful glass and paint.
Our group consisted of about 27 people, the hut was big enough for that.
I immediately felt at ease at the place, everyone was kind and A. made a very good impression on me.
It occured to me that he and a friend were going to be the only guides during the ceremony, which was a bit bad, but not that much. He said that when you felt like you needed help you could always ask for it.
Everything was very relaxed, there were even some German and Frech-speaking people in the group.
Half of the Ayahuasca was made by A. himself, the other half was made by a shaman from the rainforest of Equador.
It was very concentrated stuff, so fortunately we didn't need to drink a lot of it. I'm not sure what kind of plants were in there, because the names of the plants that he mentioned didn't sound familiar to me.
After I drank the first cup of Ayahuasca I went back to my matress.
My God, this stuff tastes so awful. I tried to wash the taste away with water but the taste is so persistent on your tongue, terrible. I tried to get myself at peace with my concentration on my breathing, but I also felt I might be in need of some nice cool fresh air.
When outside my vomit reflex immediately came up and I ran to the vomit-hole near the hut. So, I couldn't really keep that first cup inside me, too bad.
I did notice a subtile effect, but when everyone had his/her first cup I went back to A. to tell what happened and ask for a new cup.
There was a bowl with orange parts to eat and wash the bad taste away. I could take as much as I'd like, so I made thankful use of that.
After some struggling with my stomach and attempts at making it relax a bit I lied down on my back. (I did it!)
Slowly I drifted away in a very nice trance. I put my hands on my chest and as I drifted away in this trance I felt my hands become one with my chest, I just couldn't feel my body anymore. I was really sinking deep within myself, and meanwhile I was seeing the strangest things.
Icon/symbol-like things (like on traffic signs or on your computer) with yellow, red, black, white and green colors. And everytime I got back to the thought of that I might need to vomit again these many little icons started to move and change in a way as if they wanted me to puke. Everything what I saw was really strange and reminded me of old 16-bit videogames. They were also moving and reshaping in a very agressive manner. I thought 'My God, how is my mind capable of this? Does this really come from my own mind? I don't believe it!' I was really amazed by it.
But I kept feeling this pressure in my stomach, and when I sank back in this trance I didn't feel it physically anymore but it was still present in my subconciousness as some kind of bad vibe, a hidden bad feeling below some layers of pure amazement and weird stuff. So after some time I decided to go outside, just in case.
The bathroom and vomit-hole had a short distance between them, and I was having a big problem. I wasn't able to figure out wether I really needed to go to the bathroom or to puke. I just couldn't feel my body that well, I was too much in my trance for that. That made me end up inbetween the two places.
But then it really came up and I leaned against the nearest tree. Not in the vomit-hole, but I couldn't care less. Finally all this stuff was getting out of my body.
While I was throwing up so heavily I was seeing strange reptile like shapes around me. Completely in my view. This was very strange. All these animals were just there for a short while, just watching me how I was throwing up. Not really with any intentions, just only watching me, being present for me, nothing more. That really felt impressive and while I was throwing up I was constantly amazed by it.
After washing my mouth and looking around I decided to go back to the hut. While walking back I felt stronger and stronger, that was really nice. I was so glad the bad stuff had finally left my body. Only the good stuff was remaining in my body and it felt like the world couldn't be much better at that moment.
Once on my matress I lay down and was gone in myself.
This was fantastic. I felt pure love and saw the most beautiful things! A big difference with before 'the purging', everything was much more peaceful. No cartoony agressive angular and chaotic stuff anymore.
I saw a lot of yellow and blue spirals and slow peaceful moving fractals.
Finally I could experience what a real pure trance is like!
I read about brain waves and the REM-sleep stage, and I recognized this! A very impressive confirmation for me. The feeling reminded me of waking up at sunday morning and remembering you don't have any plans for that day which allows you to sleep a little longer and then to doze off again! But instead of being completely gone after going back to sleep I was aware of the state I was in and was still aware when I sank back in the REM-sleep caused by the incredible DMT molecule.
I was lying like this for some time and enjoying every millisecond of it together with the beautiful music made by A. and his colleague.
But after some time experiencing it like this I decided I felt like trying out some Tai Chi/Qi Gong moves outside, just to improvise and see what it felt like. So that was what I was going to do.
This was very impressive as well, but while I was busy doing these moves I noticed the effects were getting weaker.
There was a guy who had a bit of trouble near the campfire a small distance away from the hut. He was lying in the grass and making some strange noises.
Someone asked how he was feeling, he said he was doing ok.
I observed him and the whole situation for a while and someone else came along and said that he really needed to go back to the hut. 'You should go back man. The hut's where the ritual takes place, not here. Go back man.' But my opinion was that if he was feeling okay there and didn't feel the need to go back to the hut that he just should stay here in the grass. I didn't think anyone really 'had' to do certain things there that night. After a short attempt to get him to the hut the people gave up and left him alone in the grass to get the shaman to help him. The shaman thought it couldn't harm him just to lie in the grass.
I sat down by two people around the campfire, while the other guy was still lying in the grass near it.
We had very interesting conversations that varied from crystals to life and the universe itself.
At one moment one of these people decided to roll a nice joint for us to smoke. I told about Simon Vinkenoog - whom I've only known for a short time now - but that he already had a lot of influence on me and I told about a poem that had a deep impression on me. I wanted to recite it but could only remember small parts of it:
(This is a Dutch poem so I'm trying to translate it as well as possible)
'It should get lighter, not heavier.
You are a man, not a rock.
You don't harden, you are softening.
You don't petrify, you dissolve.
You travel upwards.'
And for Dutch people here the original version:
'Het moet lichter worden, niet zwaarder.
Je bent een mens,geen steen.
Je wordt niet hard, je wordt juist zacht.
Je versteent niet, je lost op.
Je rijst omhoog.'
The guy who was lying in the grass told about a picture he had seen on the web called 'Zen Dog', a dog with sunglasses on in a boat in the ocean. Zen Dog doesn't care where he's going, he just let's the ocean decide.
Later I remembered another part of the same poem of Vinkenoog.
'You don't need to believe anyone.
You can never believe anyone.
Will you never believe anyone anymore?
All knowledge comes from you,
flows in you from inside.'
Original Dutch version:
'Je hoeft niemand to geloven.
Je kunt ook niemand meer geloven.
Wil je nooit meer iemand geloven?
Alle weten komt uit jou,
vloeit je toe van binnenuit.'
I couldn't remember more, even while I really wanted to recite the whole poem.
A minute or so later the guy from the grass came to me and sat beside me. He told me he was having difficulties and that me reciting that part of the poem for him really helped him a lot and thanked me. He seemed really grateful.
That felt really good and from that moment we had a long conversation about philosophy and other deep subjects.
I hadn't had such a nice conversation in a long time and it seemed to benefit us both.
After some time in the conversation I noticed the sky was clearing up and the moon was visible. A bit earlier that night I said it was bad that the sky was so clouded and that we couldn't see any stars. But now we could! And the moon was really beautiful. That was a nice extra present for the already beautiful night.
Later on I recited another short poem written by Remco Campert which made me even a bigger fan of the poem:
This is also in Dutch, and since it's so short it's very hard to translate it correctly, but here's a try:
'The world swings like crazy
and the rest
is mumbling from beggars.'
Original Dutch version:
'De wereld swingt als de pest
en de rest
is gemompel van bedelaars.'
My companion laughed after thinking it over, he really liked it!
In the end we went back to the hut and made some music with the instruments of A. A. had a hang drum, wow! I really wanted to try it out. It turned out it was harder to play than I thought, but it was really fun to play.
After that I went asleep immediately.
I slept heavenly, probably not very long, but I felt refreshed.
I've had a big confirmation for so many things. Not really completely new insights, but everything felt so good and everything that I experienced was like a very good and beautiful confirmation that I am on the right track and that I should just be doing what I already am doing. Which is what I will do! Thanks for reading!
