For about 4 experiences now... i've lost any type of visuals, CEV & OEV.
The intensity is still there, if not larger, like the lack of visuals has funneled more attention to the physical and mental effects (i'm reminded of how people report their remaining senses becoming stronger once they've gone blind). In the past, there would be a barrage of 2-dimensional geometric undulations and different themes and "messages" realized immediately or upon reflection within the following days.
What is experienced is hard to explain due to a lack of words available, they really don't exist. The metaphors and words that can be used only paint a picture that could be misinterpreted. Regardless, the experiences are forgotten for the most part upon returning to reality. {a trip report will be footnoted that was somewhat interesting, but was an exception in the midst of the last 4 'trips'}
The common thread is an intense vibration rippling through my consciousness as the wake of the salvia plummets downward. Memories become attached to each other through these vibrations, as well as some remaining physical feelings of vibrating numbness within my body. This "everything is attached" feeling is nothing like the "everything is one, we're alllll connected" feeling you understand when under LSD or Mescaline... this is a completely intrapersonal reaction, and i'm aware that the feeling is not the same as the insights of LSD, etc. The memories quickly fade into each other, accompanied by the uprising of the feeling and realization of the paralyzed body they are attached to. The main memorable points of interest will be fleeting as i come to, and i've come to accept that they will be lost till the next time i find myself there.
This morning, as soon as i woke up, before all the memories of life slip in... (we all have to remember our lives before our day starts.. our work, worries, goals... the moments before this is when i feel completely at peace with myself. Yesterday has been processed by dreams and today has yet to get underway.) As soon as i awoke i smoked a normal pinch of salvia. The same feeling slipped over me. No visuals, just the same events as mentioned above... what was interesting this morning was the series of memories were also we're littered with (what i know now that i am back) dreams from last night... as if they were memories of my past. At the time, i couldn't tell if i had lived the memory, if it was a memory of a movie i had watched the night before, or it was in fact a dream. They seemed most like my own lived memories. This was all i could bring back with me, everything else is always lost.. its pointless to try to tell myself to drag anything back. I soon can move my hands and arms (i always become a solid self, hands rested on my chest as i lay there as one solid object without appendages).
Its the visuals that i miss. The lack of them and the simple persistent experiences that, well don't become boring, but become redundant.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
{footnoted trip report: First i didn't smoke enough, just a small amount of a CEV that resembled an oriental rug breathing vertically and horizontally but was barely visual. I smoked more..
This aforementioned experience above began as usual. A bolt of electrical 'pain' in white and red and in the shape of a staple falls around the area of my neck to my mouth. It isn't visual, it just exists? The word 'pain' is the only thing similar in our lexicon to explain it. It doesn't hurt though... kind of like how a Tattoo should hurt, but doesn't. It becomes a desired feeling to those that get them. Tattoo's, in theory, should hurt.. but the word 'pain' wouldn't be best to describe it. I remember this staple allowing me to feel like i was dripping between the layers of it. Things began to spawn from this, but i was given the option to either remember themmmm or what was developing on the right hemisphere of my mind. The choice was understood, not announced by an internal monologue or an entity. I chose to see what was developing to its right. Everything from before dissolved and became immemorable.
During the shift between the two, I felt a voice, but not coming from anywhere and unsure if it was mine or maybe even my superego. It told me not to try to remember it, i wouldn't be able to find words to describe any of this the way it needed to be. Metaphors would just be misunderstood and taken as literal. It also told me I couldn't tell anyone, they'd think I was "mad" (i never use this word, crazy, insane, never mad).
The new event never became visual, but was a feeling and almost viewable but only by my minds eye. There was a passageway/linear field above me running from and area way past my feet ad infinitum towards my head and beyond but with a stopping point to be understood. I resided just past the top of my head**. I had a thought of my girlfriend, she was closer to my shins... sliding into the plane i was laying in from past my feet. I began to scramble to remember other people i knew to find out their locations. I thought of my younger brother, who lives 5 hours away from me. The phrase "but he is so far away" echoed... the alternate meaning was realized, as was what was being shown to me. He resided past my feet, but slid in from above my head. The passageway/linear field was a time-line of acquired knowledge and the thirst for it. It was the reason we live. It was also a time-line for our location of where we exist now in our journey through all of our past and future lives as we move towards complete transcendence. (i'm open to the idea of past lives, but don't completely subscribe to it) I realized I was at about 70%. My girlfriend at 30%, but I knew immediately that this could be wrong--that as i grow to know her better and we share more, this approximation could increase. My brother was somewhat of a 'new-born', he was at about 5%, he has a lust for life, but a limited interest in these type of topics and only a small thirst for learning about as much as he can while here. ..."He is so far away". I only had time to remember one more person i was close enough to genuinely place into the time-line... and ex i had spent 3 years with. She came in from the right. She was at about 50% and vibrated in all directions, mainly horizontally, perpendicular to the time-line. She was a very troubled girl, with a lot of issues from her childhood and had done her best at removing herself from it, becoming independent and self-reliant at an early age. She has done well for herself since then. It only made sense that she was vibrating at a mid-point, somewhat stuck from moving forward. (I can't help but ignore the fact that all of this is coming from my own personal subconscious, but completely agree with these locations of our lives lived.)
As this all went away i laid there still under salvia, unable to move, but able to think clearer. I was shown a another version of reality. A multi-verse just slightly away from our own. I laid in the same spot, but had a layer of haze above me. (metaphor: the scene in Alien where the eggs are found. They are all under a layer of atmosphere stopping below the waist with a discernible ceiling.) This was the 'real' reality. The rest above this layer was the consensual reality we live in. I laid there just appreciating it. I think i was able to see a version of my room above it. (maybe my eyes were slightly open). As i regained the ability to move my arms I tried to see if i could feel the layer, not that i thought i could-- just wanted to see if salvia would give me some sensation of it. My hands did stop around the layer's ceiling, but they were still very heavy. I thought about talking, to see if i could speak through it. I hadn't tried to talk through Salvia's hold before, The words came out slowly and reluctantly. They rose slowly to the ceiling, like a stream of small bubbles (don't mistake this as a visual bubble--just a metaphor). They broke through the haze at the top and opened in all directions. I laughed at how this would look and sound to a person outside of it all. "I'mmmmm, jusssst tryinnng to... speakkk to seee if I can getttt through it" Would 'through it' be misinterpreted as through the effects of Salvia instead of this separating line between realities? The girlfriend doesn't really want to see me under ever, that any movements or odd ramblings might freak her out a bit. I seem to always carry this in with me & find it amusing. "if she saw this, wander what she'd think..." I tried talking a bit and moving, then rolled over for bed.
Thats that.
Thanks for reading if you hung in there... it took forever to write but only seconds to live.
**i find this location ironic due to the chakra point Sahasrara, it is generally considered to be the chakra of pure consciousness, within which there is neither object nor subject. It is located either at the crown of the head, or above the crown of the head. Sahasrara involves such issues as inner wisdom and the death of the body. Its role is somewhat similar to that of the pituitary gland. Its release of DMT floods the body during birth, near death experiences, and death. It is thought to be the location that initiates Shamanic Journeys, obviously and especially when on DMT. The idea of this chakra point dealing with death of the body and the location of the end of the time-line that was shown to me only makes perfect sense.}
The intensity is still there, if not larger, like the lack of visuals has funneled more attention to the physical and mental effects (i'm reminded of how people report their remaining senses becoming stronger once they've gone blind). In the past, there would be a barrage of 2-dimensional geometric undulations and different themes and "messages" realized immediately or upon reflection within the following days.
What is experienced is hard to explain due to a lack of words available, they really don't exist. The metaphors and words that can be used only paint a picture that could be misinterpreted. Regardless, the experiences are forgotten for the most part upon returning to reality. {a trip report will be footnoted that was somewhat interesting, but was an exception in the midst of the last 4 'trips'}
The common thread is an intense vibration rippling through my consciousness as the wake of the salvia plummets downward. Memories become attached to each other through these vibrations, as well as some remaining physical feelings of vibrating numbness within my body. This "everything is attached" feeling is nothing like the "everything is one, we're alllll connected" feeling you understand when under LSD or Mescaline... this is a completely intrapersonal reaction, and i'm aware that the feeling is not the same as the insights of LSD, etc. The memories quickly fade into each other, accompanied by the uprising of the feeling and realization of the paralyzed body they are attached to. The main memorable points of interest will be fleeting as i come to, and i've come to accept that they will be lost till the next time i find myself there.
This morning, as soon as i woke up, before all the memories of life slip in... (we all have to remember our lives before our day starts.. our work, worries, goals... the moments before this is when i feel completely at peace with myself. Yesterday has been processed by dreams and today has yet to get underway.) As soon as i awoke i smoked a normal pinch of salvia. The same feeling slipped over me. No visuals, just the same events as mentioned above... what was interesting this morning was the series of memories were also we're littered with (what i know now that i am back) dreams from last night... as if they were memories of my past. At the time, i couldn't tell if i had lived the memory, if it was a memory of a movie i had watched the night before, or it was in fact a dream. They seemed most like my own lived memories. This was all i could bring back with me, everything else is always lost.. its pointless to try to tell myself to drag anything back. I soon can move my hands and arms (i always become a solid self, hands rested on my chest as i lay there as one solid object without appendages).
Its the visuals that i miss. The lack of them and the simple persistent experiences that, well don't become boring, but become redundant.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
{footnoted trip report: First i didn't smoke enough, just a small amount of a CEV that resembled an oriental rug breathing vertically and horizontally but was barely visual. I smoked more..
This aforementioned experience above began as usual. A bolt of electrical 'pain' in white and red and in the shape of a staple falls around the area of my neck to my mouth. It isn't visual, it just exists? The word 'pain' is the only thing similar in our lexicon to explain it. It doesn't hurt though... kind of like how a Tattoo should hurt, but doesn't. It becomes a desired feeling to those that get them. Tattoo's, in theory, should hurt.. but the word 'pain' wouldn't be best to describe it. I remember this staple allowing me to feel like i was dripping between the layers of it. Things began to spawn from this, but i was given the option to either remember themmmm or what was developing on the right hemisphere of my mind. The choice was understood, not announced by an internal monologue or an entity. I chose to see what was developing to its right. Everything from before dissolved and became immemorable.
During the shift between the two, I felt a voice, but not coming from anywhere and unsure if it was mine or maybe even my superego. It told me not to try to remember it, i wouldn't be able to find words to describe any of this the way it needed to be. Metaphors would just be misunderstood and taken as literal. It also told me I couldn't tell anyone, they'd think I was "mad" (i never use this word, crazy, insane, never mad).
The new event never became visual, but was a feeling and almost viewable but only by my minds eye. There was a passageway/linear field above me running from and area way past my feet ad infinitum towards my head and beyond but with a stopping point to be understood. I resided just past the top of my head**. I had a thought of my girlfriend, she was closer to my shins... sliding into the plane i was laying in from past my feet. I began to scramble to remember other people i knew to find out their locations. I thought of my younger brother, who lives 5 hours away from me. The phrase "but he is so far away" echoed... the alternate meaning was realized, as was what was being shown to me. He resided past my feet, but slid in from above my head. The passageway/linear field was a time-line of acquired knowledge and the thirst for it. It was the reason we live. It was also a time-line for our location of where we exist now in our journey through all of our past and future lives as we move towards complete transcendence. (i'm open to the idea of past lives, but don't completely subscribe to it) I realized I was at about 70%. My girlfriend at 30%, but I knew immediately that this could be wrong--that as i grow to know her better and we share more, this approximation could increase. My brother was somewhat of a 'new-born', he was at about 5%, he has a lust for life, but a limited interest in these type of topics and only a small thirst for learning about as much as he can while here. ..."He is so far away". I only had time to remember one more person i was close enough to genuinely place into the time-line... and ex i had spent 3 years with. She came in from the right. She was at about 50% and vibrated in all directions, mainly horizontally, perpendicular to the time-line. She was a very troubled girl, with a lot of issues from her childhood and had done her best at removing herself from it, becoming independent and self-reliant at an early age. She has done well for herself since then. It only made sense that she was vibrating at a mid-point, somewhat stuck from moving forward. (I can't help but ignore the fact that all of this is coming from my own personal subconscious, but completely agree with these locations of our lives lived.)
As this all went away i laid there still under salvia, unable to move, but able to think clearer. I was shown a another version of reality. A multi-verse just slightly away from our own. I laid in the same spot, but had a layer of haze above me. (metaphor: the scene in Alien where the eggs are found. They are all under a layer of atmosphere stopping below the waist with a discernible ceiling.) This was the 'real' reality. The rest above this layer was the consensual reality we live in. I laid there just appreciating it. I think i was able to see a version of my room above it. (maybe my eyes were slightly open). As i regained the ability to move my arms I tried to see if i could feel the layer, not that i thought i could-- just wanted to see if salvia would give me some sensation of it. My hands did stop around the layer's ceiling, but they were still very heavy. I thought about talking, to see if i could speak through it. I hadn't tried to talk through Salvia's hold before, The words came out slowly and reluctantly. They rose slowly to the ceiling, like a stream of small bubbles (don't mistake this as a visual bubble--just a metaphor). They broke through the haze at the top and opened in all directions. I laughed at how this would look and sound to a person outside of it all. "I'mmmmm, jusssst tryinnng to... speakkk to seee if I can getttt through it" Would 'through it' be misinterpreted as through the effects of Salvia instead of this separating line between realities? The girlfriend doesn't really want to see me under ever, that any movements or odd ramblings might freak her out a bit. I seem to always carry this in with me & find it amusing. "if she saw this, wander what she'd think..." I tried talking a bit and moving, then rolled over for bed.
Thats that.
Thanks for reading if you hung in there... it took forever to write but only seconds to live.
**i find this location ironic due to the chakra point Sahasrara, it is generally considered to be the chakra of pure consciousness, within which there is neither object nor subject. It is located either at the crown of the head, or above the crown of the head. Sahasrara involves such issues as inner wisdom and the death of the body. Its role is somewhat similar to that of the pituitary gland. Its release of DMT floods the body during birth, near death experiences, and death. It is thought to be the location that initiates Shamanic Journeys, obviously and especially when on DMT. The idea of this chakra point dealing with death of the body and the location of the end of the time-line that was shown to me only makes perfect sense.}
