Psychonaut

Version complète : Horrible problem(s)
Vous consultez actuellement la version basse qualité d’un document. Voir la version complète avec le bon formatage.
Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
First this. I smoked DMT last summer. I know it was pure DMT. It came from MHRB and when I smoked it before I saw a kaleidoscope of colors which I've been told is what you see before you break through.
Took a good hit. Then.
My breath stopped and my ability to swallow stopped.
I couldn't breathe. No ability to inhale or exhale air.
I couldn't swallow. Horrible feeling. Like my lungs and throat were paralyzed.

I saw behind-above-right of me something like a yellow entity that communicated and said 'cut yourself'. I suppose some kind of sacrasm or irony on what happened to me, like, look at yourself, you can't breathe and are going to suffocate, and can't swallow... cut yourself, let blood flow.

I felt intuitively what I could do. That was look into a mirror.
I went to the bathroom and did so.
Then I felt air enter my lungs, from below, upward, and then I could breathe again.
I swear this is paranormal and I realize it sounds like bullshit but I'm telling the absolute truth.

I then got swallow gag reflexes, and after maybe 10 to 20 of those I could fully swallow once, then more, and more until it was normal again and I could swallow normally.

Then, looking at my hands and arms, I noticed like I was becoming more wiry. Like my body was more muscular and while looking at myself and feeling becoming normal I noticed myself becoming more 'normal', less muscular and more wiry again. Very strange.

Apart from that, nothing special ever happened to me on DMT.

However, during the last year, I've been 'harassed' by electronic-digital, like drawn out of electric light appearing entities, beings, intelligences (especially intelligent), or whatever. They called themselves electronic jews, communicate in a sort of telepathy, and seemed bent on controlling me. Nobody to talk about it, nobody believes it, in fact I got put into a psychiatric ward, and released. Though Risperdal fucked me up and changed nothing about the electronic jews (only seems to have made it worse in fact). Told the doc about my breath halting on DMT, and no reaction.

These electric beings seem to be specialists in mind control. When I smoked DMT again after having the breath halted experience, I noticed these beings again, and how they control my mind. I can't seem to get rid of them and it goes beyond simply being psychotic/having a psychosis. They fuck with my free will and emotions and feelings. With EVERYTHING. Like they know my body and brain light years beyond what science knows. And the worst is I haven't lost my free will. I always feel, or they let me feel what is 'right', and what is 'wrong', and I can always 'choose' though choosing what is right usually ends up with me having to follow some kind of intuition. It's very subtle, so subtle as remembering a dream. But I feel it. And these beings are masters of these feelings/energies it seems. They call themselves electronic jews.
Give you an example of their humour. One day I was lying on my bed wondering what is going on with my head/brain/whatever. Thinking in concepts not in words. Then at once I hear a voice in their flavour of talking, saying 'kaput!'. Funny in a kind of way but still...

When I feel under their control I feel like there is an ectoplasmic energy over my chest, controlling my breath and feelings and nerves.

Know what? I got tested by a neurologist. No brain damage. Where do these electronic jews come from? Not just them, but other electric beings too.
There is two ways of looking at this, and half the people on here will argue with me about it.

The first thing is I'd like to talk to you more privately - you should send me a pm if you want to talk and if you have AIM, or any messenger.

But you're not going to like what I have to say most likely.. If you're seeing these beings when sober you are most likely schizophrenic, this isn't suppose to scare you, and I really hope it doesn't. I know the feeling you are speaking of - not being able to breathe or swallow. I also know what if feels like to feel under mind control... I had an extreme episode last winter and luckily I recovered... It took me a year, a year and a half really - I still get "flashbacks" every month or so now.

If you believe me you should talk to me, also wait and have others respond, there is alot of helpful people on here...
I'm gonna post in more detail some things later, but I'm not scared about schizophrenia. I don't believe it exists. I've had enough of psychiatrists and their pseudo diseases. They injected me with Risperdal, Clopixol, Haldol, and I got Abilify too, and nothing changed anything. In fact made it worse, since before they injected me with that crap I was better off.
If you consider the brain the hardware, then I say what psychedelics do is like plugging in an USB stick that messes with the software, and schizophrenia and psychosises are nothing but software deregulations or something like that.

My condition was very bad, I always felt like my free will was being controlled with 'good' or 'bad' feelings giving me a choice, like a game being played. It's not like my free will was overridden like schizophrenia, me not knowing what I'm doing or knowing but not being able to resist. I am able to, but usually the choice that felt good included not doing what I wanted to do, but doing things within margins. I don't believe this is simply a brain disease, it's more complex.
But doing good feeling thinsg made my condition better, gradually. Doing what felt good let me always regain more and more free will in a sense, dulling the feeling of what is good and bad. It's like eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil symbolically, I always felt it, and doing what is good, it disappeared slowly.
Vlad,

After reading few lines I though "oh well, asmathics should not smoke DMT...".
But few words later I came quickly to the same concusion as IjesusChrist.
What you describe really sounds like schizophrenia symptoms, and althought DMT is probably not the worst psychedelic in that case, I strongly suggest you to stop smoking it or you will worsen you condition.
A friend of mine had numerous experiences with DMT, and also often read such things as "mind-control by other creatuers"... but in his experience there is no 'outside' creatures trying to take control on his mind althought he knows what can be that feeling.
He explained me that it's just a fucking-mind confusion. A wrong interpretation of the experience.
Think about your brain as a computer. There are numerous tasks working at the same time in parallel. That tasks can be linked, or work independantly, but usually that tasks are below the level of consciousness.
The DMT increase awareness and at the same time makes a real mess, raising some of the tasks, reducing others, giving them more force and bringing them to the consciousness. Therefore that tasks are experienced as external autonomous entities. But they are not, they are just autonomous processes going beyond their natural limits. Thay are not "designed" to reach the consiousness but boosted by the DMT. My guess is that if your are schizophrene or have any psychosis, this abnormal process is enhanced a (big) step further.
I don't believe in schizophrenia. It's a made up disease without a decent pathological analysis for it.

So you're saying that the entities I see and show SUPER Intelligence is my own brain tricking me? Are you claiming my consciousness is splitting, that my self splits into a part that talks to my self? If so, where is the proof?

Edit: Sorry if I'm sounding harsh, not my intention, but I studied computer science and am very sceptic and analytical. To me it's not a disease of the brain, there is no proof for it.
Vlad...you say they show 'Super' Intelligence, can you give examples?

I wouldn't say you 'are' schizophrenic.....but everyone has some degree of these types of thoughts, I agree in part with what Maru says, and I want to ask you, why would they call themselves 'electronic jews'???

An alien entity would not grasp the relevance of such terminology. My guess is that these are paranoid projections, of your own subconsciousness, and the clue is in the term 'electronic jews'......

Be honest with yourself, because that's what matters, not what any of us think.

Your brain is anthropomorphosizing, I believe.
So much happened that I can hardly remember most of it. I'll try though.
Some things I keep remembering though.

One day these beings, electronic jews, said something like that the 'last time' (? I don't remember that) I was under their control, that angels got me out (of their control), and said 'how are you gonna get out this time?'

I also had a dream saying there are creatures made of flesh and blood, creatures made of flame (this seems akin to what is said in the bible, that angels are like a fireflame), and creatures made from an electric spark.
can we please relax a bit about diagnosing mental illnesses around? suddenly we are all expert psychiatrists here. wikipedia states that less than 0.6% of the world population is formally schizophrenic so it's not something to lose your sleep about, even if it's real.

Vlad, the electronic jews or whatever are manifestations of your own unconscious, and you don't have to have multiple personalities for it to be that way. i have talked to characters in my dreams and they seem to be very wise and they say the most incredible shit ever. the way i see it, since they are beings of our unconscious and we didn't consciously dreamed them up they can exist at the edges of our egos and tap to all the latent knowledge contained in the unconscious realms, tricking and messing with us in ways they only could.
spice a écrit :Vlad...you say they show 'Super' Intelligence, can you give examples?

I wouldn't say you 'are' schizophrenic.....but everyone has some degree of these types of thoughts, I agree in part with what Maru says, and I want to ask you, why would they call themselves 'electronic jews'???

An alien entity would not grasp the relevance of such terminology. My guess is that these are paranoid projections, of your own subconsciousness, and the clue is in the term 'electronic jews'......

These beings seem to know my intentions before I do something, and they react in accordance to it. I can't give an example because it's the subtleness of thoughts they work with. When I have the intention to for example move my arm to the right to grab a coke, they will project a feeling in my mind making me feel like this is a bad thing to do. They are very silent usually and subtle, but let their presence be known usually by showing things that i understand. Like from time to time they showed their presence by showing me in my mind the blue and white of the jewish flag, and nothing more, and then I didn't get it at first, and then when I get it, I can hear something like 'you better realize it'. Understand? It's not like I'm talkign to myself, it's like I'm talking to an entity that knows my brain and consciousness. Or entities.
As for paranoia, I'm never/rarely afraid.

It's not just these 'electronic jews' that probably call themselves that way because I understand these terms, but also triangles with an eye in it, like the egyptian pyramidion. These beings are TERRIBLE. They react to EVERY nerve impulse, thought, whatever. Suppose you touch something. You touched it right. The realization you did, they register, and you notice it by their presence. As soon as I realized I did touch, or think about the feeling for even a fraction of a thousand of a second, bingo, I see them, they see me.
Or red 'fallen angels'. They react to desires, 'forcing' you to usually move. Suppose you lie down and want to turn to another side because you have pain from lying on your back or one side all the time. The electronic jews will give you a feeling like it's bad to turn, but then if you desire to turn, these red fallen angels will project a feeling into you like it feels good, and you see them, and sometimes they gave spasm feeligns, like your body spasms, these spasms making you twist and turn until you end up in the correct position, and then for example I heard one time a song phrase 'with a little help from my friends' and these beings winked their eye at me. There is intelligence behind it.
You should stop takeing drugs and go to a doctor .
I don't take drugs (anymore) and I've been forced to two neurologists/psychiatrists, they both let me go and both thought I was very intelligent, it's not like I'm stupid to not realize that about drugs.

Besides, I don't trust most doctors. Psychiatrists are quacks imo. All they know are their 'neuroleptics' that changed nothing to my condition but made it worse instead. I'd like to see real science instead of 'psychiatry'.
I got myself in a good condition back to normal due to my own effort, not those of the 'doctors'. Before you recommend them, show me that psychiatrists 'cure' these 'diseases'. At best they supress the effects of something most do not understand. I still have to meet here in Belgium the psychiatrist that knows what a trip is about. Luckily I met a nurse in a ward who did mushrooms once who could understand it.
Horrigan a écrit :There is intelligence behind it.

yes, your own. maybe you're hyper conscious of your own unconscious? when you try to sleep without losing consciousness (wake induced lucid dreaming) you have to acknowledge that your own brain is not accustomed to enter sleep with your ego online and so you somehow manifest the transition in some way. some climb ladders, some enter doors. i felt myself falling through my bed. the thing is, it's not easy to just do it, it's like the brain itself does not want you to do it. if you get too caught up in the transition you lose lucidness or panic and wake up. so you see, we can be at odds with our own mind fabrications.
maybe you're too conscious of the unconscious machinations in waking life? when taking a decision the mind evaluates lots of possible outcomes and processes lots of information. we are not normally aware of it all but it certainly happens. maybe you're eavesdropping this inner calculating dialogue and getting tangled in it?
Yeah I've had a lucid dream not too long ago, it was cool, I wish I had it more often. But I'm still not convinced it's my own intelligence behind all these manifestations. Where is the proof for it? To me, it's just intelligence, wherever it comes from, and the logical assumption seems to be it's not my own since I can think and reflect upon what happens.
where is the proof that you're beating your heart?
What do you mean, beating your heart? My heart beats because I feel it. That's not the same as intelligence reacting. When I think and do math in my mind, I call that intelligence, or when I make jokes, it's a sign of me being intelligent to be able to linguistically see the connections that make it funny.
When I see something 'outside' of myself, I say it's not my intelligence.
When I see in my mind somethin that shows intelligence, I don't consider it inside of me, since it's not part of something I control. If I control it, it's mine, if not, it's not. I don't have control over these beings/intelligence, whatever, so they're not mine.
do you control your heart?
Good point. So you're saying I could be experiencing 'rogue intelligence', or a virus in my intelligence?
Vlad a écrit :Psychiatrists are quacks imo.


i totally agree, psychiatrists are a LAST desperate resort if things are completely out of control, dangerous and you have nowhere else to turn, all psychiatrists want to do is to fit you inside some diagnostic 'box' and make you take drugs which are far more likely to make things worse, than to make them any better. They dont know shit, the vast majority of psychiatrists have never experienced any kind of mental problems themselves, which imo makes them completely unqualified to do what they do.

Having said that, it is very difficult to give you any specific advice on what to do, it sounds like you have already been through the worst of what you are going through, and you seem like a very intelligent person with a good grip on what is happening to you

you said that "doing what felt good let me always regain more and more free will in a sense" so i suppose you should keep on dojng what feels good!

it is very interesting that you study computer science, has that subject given you any insight into the nature of freewill and cybernetic controllership?
I think free will is nothing but something like a digital yes or no impulse, like an input output, and just like computer circuitery generates a lot of what we communicate with, so too can electric signals in the brain probably make a computer and AI, but still it seems a very complex thing and doesn't really explain consciousness. I feel like I have been/am dealing with AI though.
wow let's go on with psychiatrist bashing. :roll:
Yes , its mostly the people who need one themselves and are in self denyal .

My dead friend riedy the psychiatrist told me that about 1/3 of students of psychiatry break off their studys because of mental problems and that the profesion with the bigest rate of people who get psychiatric problems are psychiatrists .
Vlad a écrit :I think free will is nothing but something like a digital yes or no impulse, like an input output, and just like computer circuitery generates a lot of what we communicate with, so too can electric signals in the brain probably make a computer and AI, but still it seems a very complex thing and doesn't really explain consciousness. I feel like I have been/am dealing with AI though.

i think the assumption that AI is possible is based on the assumption that free-will is true

in other words i think that 'artificial intelligence' could also be called 'artificial freewill', what it means to make an 'intelligent machine' is to make a machine that is capable of acting independantly, rationally for its own reasons

what do you mean when you say you are 'dealing with' AI?
I have the impression the beings, if they can be called that way, are not conscious or sentient, but some form of intelligence though, hence artificial.
One day though I saw them copying something I did in normal life, my acts towards my brother. They just copied that. So they knew what I was doing. Doesn't mean they're conscious or sentient, but intelligent yes.
Vlad a écrit :I have the impression the beings, if they can be called that way, are not conscious or sentient, but some form of intelligence though, hence artificial.
One day though I saw them copying something I did in normal life, my acts towards my brother. They just copied that. So they knew what I was doing. Doesn't mean they're conscious or sentient, but intelligent yes.

that is very interesting i have experienced something very similar, some crazy entity i encountered in a trip did an impersonation of me, certain strange habits i have towards other people. But i never thought about whether or not the entity was conscious or not. But it had a major effect on my life because i had never been conscious of this habit until it did this impersonation of me, and in that way it had the effect of expanding my consciousness

i think 'unconscious intelligence' sounds a bit like a self-contradiction, ie how can it be intelligent if it isnt conscious? isnt consciousness a pre-requisite of intelligence?
Citation :Yes , its mostly the people who need one themselves and are in self denyal

Don't recommend pseudo science to people who could really use it. The medicines psychiatrists inject you with are pure poison that has been 'tested' on volunteers (or not) to see how they react. They understand mostly JACK SHIT about how the brain works. It's not an exact science, and you recommend such a dubious experimental science to heal someone?

When I was in the ward, there was a guy there who was really off his rocker. He believed everyone was his family, talked funny sounds believing he spoke a foreign language, believed he was from somewhere else, and so on.

His condition didn't get better because of the medicines. If anything his mother when she came there said he had become worse, more like demented at his age (22 or so).

These psychiatric drugs are DANGEROUS because they are not based on exact but experimental science, and they are even the more so dangerous because they bind to receptors that 'hallucinogens' bind to and nobody really understands well HOW it works. It's gambling when they inject you these poisons. It's experimental science that found a substance that modifies behaviour and stops, in some cases, hallucinations, and has been approved by authorities, nothing more. Pseudoscience crap.
they give you drugs with nasty side-effects, then they give you more drugs to treat the side-effects of the first drugs, which have their own side effects, and then more drugs for THOSE side-effects, etc etc you end up taking shitloads of medication which doesnt even help with the original problem

and they dont even want to listen to their patients in many cases, all they want to do is prescribe drugs

and one really bad aspect of many of the psychiatric drugs, is that they stop psychedelic drugs from working :evil:
maxfreakout a écrit :that is very interesting i have experienced something very similar, some crazy entity i encountered in a trip did an impersonation of me, certain strange habits i have towards other people. But i never thought about whether or not the entity was conscious or not. But it had a major effect on my life because i had never been conscious of this habit until it did this impersonation of me, and in that way it had the effect of expanding my consciousness

i think 'unconscious intelligence' sounds a bit like a self-contradiction, ie how can it be intelligent if it isnt conscious? isnt consciousness a pre-requisite of intelligence?

Well if they are conscious then it demands a real examination, because these things are really intelligent. What do they live and feed off then, how do they exist, and so on. What's even more strange is why many seem humanoid in appearance and have faces. Except for the talking triangles I saw most were humanoid beings.
maxfreakout a écrit :they give you drugs with nasty side-effects, then they give you more drugs to treat the side-effects of the first drugs, which have their own side effects, and then more drugs for THOSE side-effects, etc etc you end up taking shitloads of medication which doesnt even help with the original problem

and they dont even want to listen to their patients in many cases, all they want to do is prescribe drugs

Exactly. They consider you inferior because you are 'sick' and deduce from that mostly that you seem to be unable to reason. That's my experience.

Citation :and one really bad aspect of many of the psychiatric drugs, is that they stop psychedelic drugs from working :evil:

They turned my trips electronic. And DMT stopped working yes.
Vlad a écrit :They consider you inferior because you are 'sick' and deduce from that mostly that you seem to be unable to reason.


Foucault wrote about this in his excellent book 'madness and civilisation'

he said that sometime after the renaissance, madness (characterised as 'unreason') was SILENCED, ie people stopped listening to what mad people were saying, and stopped placing any importance in it. And it has remained that way right up to the present day

it was interesting to hear Humphrey Osmond (psychiatrist in the 1960s) saying that before he first took LSD, he only used to think that the things his schizophrenic patients were saying was purely delirious nonsense, then AFTER he experienced LSD, he said he started actually listening to them, and empathising with what they were saying

psychedelics are the true tools of a genuine psychiatry, not all this poisoinous shit they deal with nowadays
I hope you read this one, and again I'd rather talk to you over a messanger-

When I took a heavy dose of mushrooms, I did have experiences where I thought things were happening before I even though of them. The FEELING is the same, you just extroverted it on to something else - "electronic jews".

The same process is going on, the 'paranoia' that something knows your thoughts before they happen - I had this, I know exactly what you feel when this happens. The thing is, this isn't happening. It's a paradox. Your mind is a lot more complicated than we think, especially the subconcious, but most likely what is happening in your mind is an extreme case of deja-vu.

After taking my large trip, I used to get my dreams confused with reality, I couldn't remember if what happened the day before was a dream, or if it actually happened. There were many occurences where I would say to myself or my friends "Holy shit that really happened?" Or "Dude, you don't remember doing that...... oh... was a dream..."

In actuality, I started to realize I was only having a very weird deja-vu, I would see things happen before they happened, and I would have feelings from the future, or even predict my past. It all sounds very weird, but I think you should understand what I'm talking about.

The difference is your projecting it onto something else, you're mind is wiring these feelings to an entity, the entity existed in your trip, but really didn't after. Unfortunatly your wirings probably were strong enough to remember the entity vividly, enough to bring it into the sober world again.

What you're seeing is the remnants of your trip, the paths that were connected in your neurons during your DMT trip.

I'm not a psychologist or a neurologist and I could be full of shit, but since I recently recovered from some nasty form of psychoticness I feel like I should atleast put my 2 cents in.

The biggest thing is, you yourself have to realize, not DENY, but realize these things aren't real.

Oh, and don't go to any doctors, they don't humanize schizophrenics. They treat them as vegetables.
Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11