TryptaNice
Neurotransmetteur
- Inscrit
- 12 Avr 2013
- Messages
- 28
~Hierarchies of Hyperspace: An Experience Collection~
SUBJECT:
Gender: F
Weight: 95lbs
Background: Fascinated with tryptamines especially, big into dreams
and Psychology from a very young age; experienced with many different
psychedelics and started my "psychedelic career" about 5 years ago.
Substances: DMT (every experience included the partaking of DMT); Other psychedelics taken with DMT on top include: two experiences with 4-ho-MiPT; two with 4-AcO-DiPT; two with LSD; one with MXE; one with ketamine; one with 5-MeO-DMT added on top with nitrous oxide; one with MDMA; one with 2c-c.
PRELUDE:
The following write-up is a collection of most of the DMT experiences
I have had over the past two years. Doses vary but are generally between 20-50mg. I went through a time period where
I was using DMT fairly often because I was so interested in the unique
experiences it offered as a psychedelic, and I think now that perhaps
I shouldn't have used it as frequently. I base this on the fact that I
now have a higher tolerance than I used to, and breaking through at
some points became very hit or miss (sometimes even when I took hit
after hit, it's almost as if I only broke through at certain times
that were 'right', regardless of how high or low the dose). Still I
don't regret anything, as this has all been a learning process and now
I have a wealth of interesting experiences to share here - it is going
to be a delight to write this up (I am remembering all of these
experiences based on notes in my DMT journal). This is going to be
long, but feel free to just read a few if you don't have the time for
all of it!
BACKGROUND INFO:
It is quite a story! Some of these experiences have seemed to be
continuations of previous experiences, and there are also certain
'entities' that I have encountered multiple times. I must explain that
the way I look at 'entity contact' on DMT is that these entities may
exist separately from us or they may exist solely within us (in this
case, it would be useful to interpret these experiences in the same
way we would dreams). I also think it's possible that these entities
may be part of ourselves and separate at the same time; for example
maybe they operate from "microconsciousnesses" that inhabit and make
up our larger, springboard consciousness that we operate from, and
perhaps DMT provides us access to this type of interaction or
communication. I suppose my point is that in regards to these
otherworldly perceptions, I don't believe anything for sure and I keep
an open mind to all of the options. When describing my experiences, I
will likely refer to these entities as if they are actual beings that
are separate from us, as that is the way it has often felt for me when
in hyperspace. I hope that these experiences give the reader an idea
of how diverse DMT experiences can be for one single person. My
experiences have ranged from spiritually glowing to mind-boggling to
disgusting and terrifying, and entities I have "met" have had many
different qualities - some have been helpful and affirming of all that
I value in life, and others seemed to intend to use me for their own
purposes or trick me. Even throughout the difficult times, I have
remained fascinated by this compound and eager to learn all the way,
and still am to this day.
THE EXPERIENCES:
The first time I really got a strong effect on DMT, I still felt ties
to my ego and environment. I encountered three alien-like beings that
were tall and slender. They weren't very detailed; they were seen
mainly as silhouettes. One of them came up to me with a round
seed-like object in his hands and presented it to me. It had a glowing
pinpoint of light, and he seemed to be trying to get me interested in
the object. During this experience, I was on the phone with my partner
(D) and he was doing 5-MeO-DMT on the other end. I think that D's
experience must've not been as encompassing as mine, because during my
experience I heard him saying my name on the phone and this confused
me a bit. I told him, "Don't call me that." When I turned my attention
to the phone to tell him this, the entity that was offering me the
object seemed to back off as if he understood, "Oh, you're busy right
now. I'll come back another time." I remember being a little
disappointed, as he dissipated right after this and I began to come
down. So yeah, it was actually a pretty typical experience for DMT…
and it is worth noting that at this point I purposely hadn't listened
to Terence McKenna or many others describing their DMT experiences
because I had heard that so many people experience similar concepts
and entities. I wanted to see if, without expectations, the same sorts
of things would happen for me. After this first experience, I started
reading all about the similarities across DMT experiences of various
individuals. I found out that it wasn't uncommon for people to have
objects bestowed upon them by entities. I was simply amazed that my
experience had been a "textbook DMT experience" regardless of the fact
that I hadn't had any expectations because I hadn't read much about
the specifics of others' experience.
***
After this, intrigued, I had a couple more experiences that week. One
of them was pretty much just colorful eye candy and no banter with
entities - it just consisted of orange and lime beings in hula skirts,
dancing Buddha-like beings, and sentiments of my dream the night
before. Another time, I felt lonely and wanted to communicate with
somebody but instead I found myself in a barren space that seemed to
be deep underground. This space consisted only of machines and
devices. They reminded me of cameras a little bit, as they seemed
invasive in some sense and pointed towards me. This whole dark-ish
experience seemed very vague and there was not much color. For the
rest of these experiences, I will just write about what I encountered
in each visit to hyperspace (separated by stars) and not so much about
the circumstances under which the DMT was had, unless important.
***
There were beings all around me. They were surrounding me and had
objects that seemed pointy, container-like and made of glass. These
beings seemed reptilian - how cliche. They proceeded to put a viscous
liquid into pointy glass containers and then put these containers in
the dirt, where they burrowed into the ground. I felt that the
entities were trying to tell me something about the state of the
Earth. At the end, they dispersed except for one being. I think that
he was male and very young or small. He seemed lonely, but I got the
impression that he was acting or not being completely honest. He told
me to please not leave that realm. I communicated back that I enjoyed
it there and that I also wished sometimes that I could stay, and told
him that he probably somehow knew that better than I did.
***
I was sitting at a desk with a bunch of colleagues (they seemed
human). This experience definitely had a business-like vibe to it. I
felt accepted and happy and like I enjoyed my job. This trip was
actually rather uneventful, but the interesting thing is that I sort
of had a feeling like I was looking into my future. This feeling was
strange in itself, because it felt like a premonition.
***
I felt like I was being tested, and had more "reptilian" feelings. I
felt pretty uncomfortable, and was still in contact with this reality
a little bit. My mind justified my feelings of discomfort (such as my
partner D was playing some sort of first person shooter video game in
the other room and I could hear disturbing noises from the game in the
background). This justification was probably an auto-defense
mechanism. I encountered entities again and got the feeling that the
general consensus about me in the space was that even if a "dark" or
"evil" spirit encountered me, I was so naive that I would probably
find the good within it. This could be good as well as bad… Bad as in
I could be taken advantage of or used as some sort of host, but the
good thing was that I could make the situation "good" and change
things just from my perception alone. They seemed like they were
evaluating me on something… uneasy.
***
This was quite delightful! I was in a different place entirely and it
was very, very colorful. This is the only experience I can think of
where I saw "elf-like" creatures, though I didn't think of this way
when I was there. I was in a multi-dimensional place that unfolded in
all directions and on all sides. I couldn't tell where the ceiling,
floor or walls began. There were boxes on every "wall" lined up
everywhere, and each box had a small wooden looking creature inside.
Each creature had a sort of pointed hat and interchangeable body parts
that could be switched with the parts of others. They were all
identical in shape and form, but had different colored and textured
parts. "Souls" or energies could also transfer from one being to
another. I could become part of them and they could become part of me.
There was a constant 'existential narrative', most of which I can't
remember.. but it was about what existence was and what the purpose
was of this space and its role in existence. I remember that the
narrative assured me that "I could come back anytime I wanted". There
were so many AMAZING details that I wish I could remember of this
place. At the time, I remember knowing that it was so intricate and
out of this world that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to possibly
remember everything at the time, which kind of devastated me because I
wanted so desperately to be able to bring it back. I still took in
everything that I could and it was so beautiful.
***
I felt like… "Wait.. isn't there something I'm supposed to be finding
out; inquiring about?" And as soon as I asked, everything exploded in
my face. Everyone rushed forth, urgently giving me a message. War
gears turned. Imagery of guns, bombs, war symbols, cannons, tanks and
strange masked people flooded my field of vision and emotion. It was
overwhelming to say the least. There was a warning… "This is imminent…
this is serious…" Information was disclosed unto me about the state of
the world. The feeling became more and more abstract as well as
terrifying and alarming. Then suddenly, I felt a feeling of LOSS
unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I've never had anybody really
close to me die in my life, but I felt like this right now. It felt so
wrong, like something had been prematurely snatched away from me; from
life. It felt so dirty and even slightly "evil", but that sounds
stupid. Profound sadness and grief. The resolution was, this really
could happen. But there was good news too- I had love and I needed to
appreciate what I had because who ever knew what could happen? At the
end of that experience, some sort of trickster-ish entity said
something to me like, "Wait two months before visiting us again…. Ha..
okay, two weeks is fine. We really *do* want you here; don't feel
bad!" …So bizarre.
***
I had a very special trip with D and my friend, N. I could tell right
away that this was going to be more intense than anything I had
experienced on DMT up until that point. I slipped into a place where I
lost complete contact with the waking reality as I knew it, and did
not remember my surroundings or who I was at all (yet I must have
still remembered my life somehow and you will soon hear why). I
returned to a place that seemed very familiar. Everything that had
ever happened to me was happening at once. I felt a presence of sorts,
but no communication (at least not a banter). At the beginning, I felt
terrified but I somehow loved it at the same time because it was just
so overwhelming and RIGHT. I felt scrutinized and I knew I had to give
up everything and all control in order to be alright, so I surrendered
as quickly as I could. I'm glad I did, otherwise it would have
probably been unbearable. I thought that I was in other places
entirely. I felt specific 'era feelings' of different time periods of
my life. They were SO real and had synesthetic qualities. I felt
myself living in all of the places I'd ever lived in before, yet I
still somehow was not in touch with my ego; it felt like a familiar
dream space. It was like I was reliving every moment of my entire life
at once, and this one moment was eternal. I saw bright colors that
were arranged sort of like a Western blot but they were glowing and
shifting and more colorful. It was like a code. It would change
abruptly, like it was being operated by a light switch that had a lot
of different settings. I remember one time, the 'code' turned black
and white, which alarmed me somehow for a second. As I came down, I
remembered my life again and realized that I was in N's bedroom and
had just had some DMT, and I just felt nothing but pure bliss. I kept
laughing at the sheer ridiculousness that is Life and existence, and
was so wowed by the whole experience.
***
On the porch outside. The atmosphere was inspirational! This trip was
kind of similar to the one I had at N's house in the way that I
transcended my tethers to this reality in a similar way. The first
thing that happened was I felt like I was splashed with water or had
water poured all over me, drenched, and the feeling was so vivid. I
also felt like there was something in my throat. (I later found out on
DMT-nexus that this sensation is called the 'DMT throat marble'…) I
went through a sort of path.. perhaps a fabric maze, though I was
sensing where I was rather than visually seeing it. I was washed in
deja vu, as I remembered this exact path or process as something I had
gone through before, maybe even numerous times. It didn't feel as if
it had happened in a dream or psychedelic experience, but it's
possible it had… not sure. I knew that I would never remember all the
details as it was so complex… there were things going on and projects
happening everywhere all around me, and I was a part of it. Every
actual movement I made caused the colors and scene to change. If I put
my physical hands out, with my eyes closed I could see the resonance
it created in the 'realm'. I could feel the physical qualities of
things synesthetically. When I came down, I watched reality
reassemble. Everything for a bit was wispy and stringlike, blowing in
the wind, as if the fabric of reality had been reduced to mere
strings. It was really amazing to watch and the comedown was kind of
overwhelming.
***
This next one was a vague, conceptual, non-colorful experience. I saw
human forms wearing black business suits, sunglasses and hats… I got
the feeling that they were doing something covert. I experienced a
sort of 'video collage' of them doing all sorts of sped-up business
transactions… shaking hands, driving places to get and deliver
products, selling things, etc. At the very end, I saw one of the
businessmen return home to his family (wife and children) and not pay
very much attention to them. Apparently, he cared more about his job
than his family.
***
I had an experience where I felt like I was going through some sort of
obstacle course. I met other *human* spirits (not sure how I could
tell or what made them seem human to me, but that is what I
perceived). We all had to help one another to get through the course.
At the end, I felt immense gratitude and it seemed like all of the
human spirits were thanking one another for their help.
***
This time I did the DMT on top of LSD and 4-AcO-DiPT. I did the DMT
twice during this session. (You can find the entire experience report
under my name here:
(Erowid Experience Vaults: LSD, 4-AcO-DiPT & DMT - A Static Dimension-warp to Candyland - 99864)).
The first experience: My friend and I were confronted (we both felt
this) by some sort of strange angry presence of an entity that seemed
to inhabit the room we were in. We talked about it on the way down and
had experienced the exact same thing. (She'd had a lot of strange DMT
experiences in this room already, actually.) To me, the spirit was
angrily asking me, "Why do all you humans ignore us? We're all around
you, ALL the time, causing so much to happen, yet you credit
yourselves for everything!"… I tried to communicate to the spirit that
I liked sharing reality with them and that I felt that there was a lot
of resonance from forces that we could not observe acting upon
everything all the time. I tried to "console the anger" of this
entity. My friend and I both felt more calm and less of an angry
presence around the same point in the trip, after this.
The next experience that night: As I tried to light the third hit of
DMT, my spatial sense was so off that it took a lot of effort to
figure out where to hold the lighter. It didn't help my efforts that
my eyes were darting around as if I were in REM sleep mode. I looked
around the room as I managed to take 2 more hits, and noticed that the
room had turned into some sort of candy factory-like territory. Every
piece of furniture and object in the room was static, intact and took
on the exact same shape and form as it normally would, BUT each thing
had its own special pattern that did not overlap with the patterns of
other objects! For instance, my friend's walls (which were usually
just plain white) were wallpapered in lime green and pink stripes. The
plain wooden dresser was bright blue with bright pink flowers and
teddy bears. I think that another piece of furniture had painted
colorful candy canes on it. I was simply amazed that everything in the
room could look exactly the same and be static; unmoving, yet
literally looked like it was painted and wallpapered completely
differently. It was so realistic and seemed like a dimension warp or
something.
After I closed my eyes, needless to say, things became even more
interesting. The place I was taken to also reminded me of a candy
factory or playroom; themes from childhood were constantly present.
There was a rotating gear, a sort of mandala that dominated my vision
in the center of a colorful, tasty room. The gears/sections of the
mandala were rhythmically changing and transforming systematically
like the second hand of a clock. Every second or so (or however much
time that really was), a section of it would develop into something
else, and so on. Everything I saw from that point on was so incredibly
detailed and rhythmic. I felt like I was a little kid in an
interactive, virtual reality candy shop; this space was very
synesthetic and even tasted like candy.
***
One time, I found myself in some sort of barn. I felt like I was
drowning in a pile of hay or something, and I felt the presence of a
horse-like entity. My visions corresponded appropriately in some sort
of abstract way. At the time, I was kind of turned off by the
experience because I honestly didn't really want to be there in a pile
of hay… something about the experience felt 'cheesy' to me. As I was
coming down, I realized that the reason I'd had this experience was
because I had some things to do for work, but I'd had a lot of other
things to tend to as well and had been putting off calling my boss
(who reminded me and my boyfriend of a horse… and I have mentioned to
several other people that he seems horselike and most people have
seemed to agree).. I found the symbolism to be interesting and very
reminiscent of dreams (latent and manifest content).
***
Had some DMT on top of Ketamine. This was *extremely* visual and
incredibly synergistic it seemed. I noticed that the sheets on my bed
switched patterns with one another (one had flowers and one was a
solid blue color) and arranged themselves by color into a pinwheel
with a big black hole in the middle. I felt like all the energy in the
room was accordingly being sucked into the black hole, and I felt like
I was going in too. I think I may have been sucked in, because
suddenly things became black and void-like… but then when I emerged
elsewhere, I felt a sense of grandiose importance emerge in my mind. I
encountered an entity who seemed to have some sort of high status,
business-wise. He asked me if I would like to take on a very important
job position in hyperspace, since I was apparently "fit for the
position". I felt so bewildered and astonished at the time.. as if I
was thinking.. "You'd *really* choose *me*?!" .. I felt like the
position was something very serious and important and I didn't think
it should be taken lightly. I psychically communicated to the entity
that I needed a bit of time to think, as it seemed like an important
position of leadership as the entity had implied. I thought about it
for what seemed like a while (but was probably not actually very
long), and I decided to respect the offer/position and take it. I
communicated this to the entity, but then the experience dissipated.
***
The very next experience was very much a continuation of the last one.
This time, I had DMT on top of 4-ho-MiPT. This was a very strong
experience, as I completely lost touch with reality and upon coming
back, was like "Wow, I'm in *this* life! I remember this!" ..one of
those experiences. Anyway, my understanding is that I met the "boss"
entity.. he seemed to be some sort of CEO in hyperspace! (Ridiculous
to think about, but that is how it seemed.) He seemed all-knowing and
completely ancient. He appeared to be made out of antique wood, and
was covered in various compartments such as drawers, doors and
windows. During this experience, I felt very honored to meet this
entity. It seemed like he imparted some serious knowledge unto me
about "intent manifestation" in the waking life through dream and
trance states.
***
Had some DMT on top of MXE. This experience was *quite* bewildering! I
instantly felt like I was punched in the face with confusion and
encountered an entity before I knew it. Collided into the entity, in
fact. This entity was SUPER pointy, and accordingly seemed to have
spikes. Encountering it actually caused me physical pain in some way.
It was orange and/or yellow, and black. It reminded me of the electric
legendary bird in Pokemon, Zapdos (zap-dose.. ha). I felt like I was
either zapped or stuck by a porcupine, or a mixture of both. Stunned
is the best word to describe the way I felt at the time.
***
This next experience, I was still pretty grounded in reality, as in I
didn't lose contact with my ego and still knew where I was… But I
still experienced entity contact. I saw orange forms and felt a
feminine presence. I felt a tremendous healing power from this
presence and felt like I was being taken care of (I hadn't been
feeling top-notch the past couple of days). The female entities were
very warm and didn't seem like they wanted anything other than to help
me… the most warmth I've ever felt from DMT entities. They fed me
food.. it was long, and when looking back, it reminded me of
intestines in its shape (but not gross or anything). I felt happy and
cared for, and it seemed that the food was meant to improve my health.
***
3 big hits. I don't know where I was, but I was confronted by a mother
entity. She was shapeless; dripping, melting, ugly, terrifying,
disgusting, and even smelled bad. I wasn't sure what was going on, but
next thing I knew, she was engaging me in psychic conversation. She
had a wallet of some sort, and began showing me photographs of her
son. I could tell that she loved her son very much. She also had a
bunch of his artwork that she was obviously proud of, and began
showing it to me. The problem was, her son AND all of his artwork were
also melting, grotesque and disgusting. I could still feel her genuine
love for her son and pride in his artwork, but at the same time, no
matter how hard I tried to show her love, I couldn't hide the fact
that I felt grossed out by her and the entire situation. I could tell
that she could tell that I was feeling uncomfortable.
When I came down from this trip, I found myself feeling guilty for not
being able to feel/give the love that I felt that I should have given
her. So I had another hit of DMT and tried to meditate on the
experience and its meaning. I tried to send out my purest, most
intended form of love to her and every other entity under this
umbrella called consciousness. I even tried to psychically apologize
to her for my reaction to her. I felt a little bit better after that,
like I had resolved something.
***
In the winter one year, I made a habit of doing DMT in the shower.
Sounds weird I know, but I was doing low doses mainly because I didn't
want to lose complete contact with reality. This shower had beautiful
tiles and strange walls with many faces in the patterns that appeared
to be "trapped spirits in rapture". (That is the way I saw them most
of the time, anyway.) I knew that it'd be a beautiful place for the
trips, and I was right. Seeing the water on the tiles reminded me of a
whimsical dream I'd had back in 2004 where I was in paradise. In the
dream, I had been in a tiled cave with pools of all different depths,
planks up in the air with flowing streams inside, bridges with
streams, waterfalls, and flies. No matter where you dropped down or
jumped into the water, it was okay because you would ultimately fall
into deeper pool at the bottom. Seeing the water on the tiles almost
instantly made me relive that dream, which has been one of my favorite
dreams of all time. A divine moment of truth in a tiled cave with
waterfalls all around. Not entirely breakthrough, but beautiful
nonetheless.
***
One time, I got tricked pretty hardcore when doing DMT. This was on
top of 2c-c (looking back, I don't feel that DMT went very well with
this psychedelic). I thought I'd put a pretty decent amount in the
pipe, but I must have gotten it all in the first big hit. The pipe at
this point, after this one hit, meant something else to me entirely- I
don't know what it was to me exactly, but it wasn't a pipe or a
lighter anymore. I felt like it was VERY important for me to keep
hitting the pipe over and over again, like it was a special mission of
mine. I don't even know what I was trying to accomplish at the time.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that I'd been tricked and had spent the
whole trip confused, trying to get more DMT. I felt very stupid and
saw it as a metaphor to stop being such a "DMT glutton".
***
This next experience was after I hadn't done DMT for a while.
Everything was very orange once again, and I met up with the same
female healing entities that I'd encountered in a previous experience.
Only this time, there were more of them. I felt their healing, caring
presence strongly just like last time. We all sat in the space in
peas, as if we were at a meeting of meditation to "just be". I felt
like none of our 'stories' mattered; none of us had anything to prove
about who we were, what we were trying to accomplish or anything. It
was so peaceful. But then, something told me to sing. So I started
singing/channeling a song from or for the spirits. They became
interested and came up to me very close. One of them placed a clay jar
in front of me and with every note I sang, an entity would place a
small glowing (pinpoint of light) object into the jar. I think the
objects were mainly lime green or yellow. I gradually transitioned
back, but I kept singing the song as I came down. I recorded it on my
phone so that I would never forget it. I still sing this song before
doing DMT sometimes, as it helps to calm me down and sometimes I can
invoke those healing entities with the song.
***
One of the times where I invoked these healing spirits by singing the
beautiful song I had been given, I was at my summer apartment last
year. When I met up with them this time, they seemed a bit concerned
about my health again (my health had gotten a bit worse and I was
constantly having stomach problems). They came up to me and seemed to
be offering me healing. Then, before I knew it, one of the entities
extended and fused into my stomach area and seemed to actually become
a part of me. As I felt nothing but benevolence from these entities,
my understanding was that she wanted to be there to help me to get
through difficult times ahead, because I was definitely going to need
resilience. (And it's true- the past year has been one of the most
difficult times of my life.. but I think I'm doing well.) After she
became part of me, I felt appreciative of her presence.. but still in
a bit of shock at what I'd just experienced…!
***
I felt uncertain, so I started singing. By the time of this
experience, things had started to get kind of muddy and I wasn't
remembering my experiences very well. This trip was followed by
another long break of not using DMT. What was happening had been clear
in the experience, but afterwards I could only remember abstractions
and not the manifest content of whatever happened. To my best
understanding after the experience, I knew that I had been given
something that I seemed I could "take home" from the experience. I
understood that this was *the purpose of hyperspace*, whatever that
meant at the time. To take things home. I felt like I could actually
bring home this physical thing that I had acquired. (I am unsure of
whether I'd been given an object, or fed some sort of food. Only
recently have I begun to possibly comprehend what may have happened
during this experience, and I'll revisit this later in the write up.)
Though I believed at first, gradually I realized that whatever I'd
been given was not something that I could access any longer once I
begun to get back in touch with "reality". I realized that it was all
a metaphor- I could instead learn a powerful tool. After I realized
this, I was given some sort of schooling on this powerful tool that I
could learn. I think that what happened is some entity threatened to
hurt or maybe kill another entity, and I, in order to save that
entity, had to sing a song. I knew exactly what to sing. I felt
challenged throughout this part, obviously. I felt like I came out on
top and saved the entity and passed this test. I felt happy with my
abilities, but uneasy and unsure at what I had just witnessed and had
held over my head. Upon coming down, I thought about how I knew that
my experiences would be so much crisper and clearer and I would learn
so much more from them if I used DMT less frequently… so after this, I
started using DMT pretty sparingly once and for all, and to this day
mainly only use it on special occasions or on top of other
psychedelics.
***
Smoked DMT near the end of a DPT experience (perhaps I should have had
it earlier). The theme of this trip was something like, "I could be
iconic," as in my ideas were worth circulating and if I had the
motivation and intuition to put them out there, I could in fact be
iconic one day. I felt that I needed to believe in myself more. At the
beginning of this experience, it is also interesting to note that I
saw the entire room in my field of vision turn into a mirror image of
itself. The carpet that I was sitting upon on my beanbag was very
colorful and I saw the carpet come to a point like it was inside a
kaleidoscope. Everything had copied itself from one side of my vision
and pasted itself onto the other side! I thought that this was
incredibly interesting at the time and still do.
***
Did DMT again while I was on DPT… This time, I saw my personal
blueprint. It was mainly the colors of violet, indigo, and a bit of
fuchsia. A little bit of red as well. It was roundish and seemed to
emanate all that I loved or stood for in life. I immersed myself in it
and felt the divine presence within my aura. I felt appreciative of
everything in existence. It was a very blissful experience where I
felt right at home.
***
Another time, I had DMT on top of DPT, once again at the tail end of
the experience. I was transported to that extremely alien-like realm
that I had been to so many times before. I felt like I was being
schooled on existence. A teacher entity that seemed to have some sort
of almost condescending divine power over me was trying to convince me
that "they" constructed our reality completely, and tried to get me to
agree that this reality was not under our control; it was being
constructed and predetermined by an outside force completely. Even
though I had lost complete touch with reality, I did not listen
blindly. I was skeptical (not that I disbelieved it, but I didn't
believe it either… I always like to keep an open mind when it comes to
these sorts of existential matters). The entity was SO persistent
about trying to convince me! I remained neutral on the matter, but
courteous and attentive all the same.
***
This next experience consisted of about 30mgs of DMT (normal dose for
me) along with a few milligrams of 5-MeO-DMT and three nitrous
chargers in one big balloon (so it was easier to inhale it all). I met
up with a bunch of human forms (kindred souls) that reminded me of
myself. I felt like I was being schooled on existence again (Existence
101 Class) and there was a teacher entity telling us that we were all
meant to be intent manifestors; that we were people who were extra in
touch with our intuition and spirituality, therefore we had more
influence on the outcome of things than the average person. I
understood that the kindred souls in the room were of varying
maturities and had their own unique problems. Some were battling with
issues of self-confidence, and some were egomaniacs who had realized
and abused their power of influence over others. I was told that I
needed to be extra careful with my intentions and make sure to not
ever abuse this special power that I had within myself. This was a
very empowering trip (but don't worry; I didn't suffer any delusions
of grandeur even if it sounds like I did.. ha ha).
***
The next experience I had (quite recently) was one of my strangest DMT
experiences of all time… perhaps paralleled only by my most recent
one. This DMT experience was on top of 120mg MDMA. As soon as I
entered the trance state, I felt my mouth filling up with some sort of
"food" but it was textured just like dirt and even tasted like it. I
felt like it was being forced into my mouth, but not in a violent way;
just a little overwhelming. I instinctively accepted the food and
swallowed it because I felt like it was the right thing to do. It felt
like medicine of the earth (as I said, it had the same texture as
dirt). I felt an intense flash of insight and knowledge after
consuming this food. Perhaps it was "food for thought". I was reminded
of how it is a personal mission of mine and theme in some of my trips
that I am "meant to bring together the world of dreams and the waking
state". This has been a literal idea of mine that I entertain, but
more so, it is a metaphor to me and I feel that it means that I need
to help people to be more in touch with their subconscious mind, their
dreams, and their intuitions. After this, I felt a strong urge to send
powerful intent to the whole universe and to all of the people in this
world, for them to become more in touch with these parts of themselves
in hopes of making the world a better place. With my friend, in tears,
I voiced my intent. It was a profoundly beautiful moment.
***
The last experience I've had to this day (very recently) almost seemed
like a follow-up of the previous one. This time, it was with
4-ho-MiPT. After finishing the dose, I saw something I can only
describe as white, wispy, smoky ribbons materialize. These ribbons
eventually gave way to what looked like some sort of folded square. It
looked kind of like a package, but it looked like it was made out of
clay or dough and folded a little bit like an envelope. It was sitting
on a table that seemed to be in a location that reminded me of the
Catholic church I had to attend in elementary school. I interacted
with the entity by waving my arms in a specific way, which "woke it
up". Then I began a banter with it. I had a complete deja vu
experience where I was once again fed food (presumably by the entity),
and it felt *EXTREMELY* real.. just as much as the last time. I felt
the texture in my mouth; it seemed kind of cardboard-ish, wafer-ish or
some similar texture (I later made a connection that this texture
reminded me of the "host" of the Holy Spirit that we were given as
Communion). I was given three of them, and went through an experience
that I was absolutely *certain* I'd had before (this is where that
experience I wrote about earlier that was muddy where I was given or
fed "something physical to take home" comes in… perhaps this was the
experience, or perhaps it was a different DMT experience that I had
trouble remembering, or maybe a dream I'd had). In any case, I knew in
that moment that *this was the purpose of hyperspace*; to bring back
this material that I was eating! I once again instinctively swallowed
it, and was fed the food three times as I mentioned. The last time, I
felt the food lingering in my mouth, as you do when you are chewing
food and get some stuck in your mouth. I could still feel it as I was
coming down, and I (stupidly, HAHA) tried to see if I could retain it
and retrieve it after I came down from my trip! I realized very
quickly how stupid of an idea this was, as I remembered the "merits of
metaphor" and thought to myself besides this that it was almost an
insult to this great gift I had received. I stopped trying to retain
some of the food and just thought to myself about the gift and how to
utilize it. My friend who was with me during this experience told me
that he had witnessed me doing the hand motions and dance, speaking to
the entity, and then making obvious eating and swallowing motions.
Since this last experience, I've been researching a bit about people
being given food to eat during ayahuasca sessions. The closest
phenomenon I have been able to find is when tribal peoples were given
" tsensak", or "magical darts" to swallow and regurgitate during their
ayahuasca experiences in order to either bewitch or heal others. I
have also thought a lot about the parallels of this experience to "the
host" and "the body of Christ" and how this experience may have been
symbolic of that. I always try to entertain all possibilities and
meanings, and experience great enjoyment in doing so.
I feel that throughout all of these experiences, the most important
thing I've learned is how important metaphor is (especially when it
comes to manifesting one's intentions and interpreting experiences),
and how important it is to keep an open mind. I already discussed my
feelings and positions on entities and what they might be, and
explained a bit on how I've personally interpreted my trips. I hope
that you, the reader, have enjoyed this collection of experiences…
because I have found experiencing DMT to be an incredible learning
process… no matter *how* otherworldly the content or how difficult it
may seem to integrate the bizarre into everyday reality at times, I
find it to be fascinating and have some interesting dream-like value
when going through the process of interpretation and integration.
Hyperspace is an amazingly alien-feeling place, yet at the same time
it still feels like the homiest home I have ever felt! This 'DMT
space' feels like the place my soul always tends to return to… between
days; between conscious thoughts; between lives. I will always have a
special place in my heart for these Divine Moments of Truth. Thank you
for reading, especially to anybody who actually got through all of
this!!
SUBJECT:
Gender: F
Weight: 95lbs
Background: Fascinated with tryptamines especially, big into dreams
and Psychology from a very young age; experienced with many different
psychedelics and started my "psychedelic career" about 5 years ago.
Substances: DMT (every experience included the partaking of DMT); Other psychedelics taken with DMT on top include: two experiences with 4-ho-MiPT; two with 4-AcO-DiPT; two with LSD; one with MXE; one with ketamine; one with 5-MeO-DMT added on top with nitrous oxide; one with MDMA; one with 2c-c.
PRELUDE:
The following write-up is a collection of most of the DMT experiences
I have had over the past two years. Doses vary but are generally between 20-50mg. I went through a time period where
I was using DMT fairly often because I was so interested in the unique
experiences it offered as a psychedelic, and I think now that perhaps
I shouldn't have used it as frequently. I base this on the fact that I
now have a higher tolerance than I used to, and breaking through at
some points became very hit or miss (sometimes even when I took hit
after hit, it's almost as if I only broke through at certain times
that were 'right', regardless of how high or low the dose). Still I
don't regret anything, as this has all been a learning process and now
I have a wealth of interesting experiences to share here - it is going
to be a delight to write this up (I am remembering all of these
experiences based on notes in my DMT journal). This is going to be
long, but feel free to just read a few if you don't have the time for
all of it!
BACKGROUND INFO:
It is quite a story! Some of these experiences have seemed to be
continuations of previous experiences, and there are also certain
'entities' that I have encountered multiple times. I must explain that
the way I look at 'entity contact' on DMT is that these entities may
exist separately from us or they may exist solely within us (in this
case, it would be useful to interpret these experiences in the same
way we would dreams). I also think it's possible that these entities
may be part of ourselves and separate at the same time; for example
maybe they operate from "microconsciousnesses" that inhabit and make
up our larger, springboard consciousness that we operate from, and
perhaps DMT provides us access to this type of interaction or
communication. I suppose my point is that in regards to these
otherworldly perceptions, I don't believe anything for sure and I keep
an open mind to all of the options. When describing my experiences, I
will likely refer to these entities as if they are actual beings that
are separate from us, as that is the way it has often felt for me when
in hyperspace. I hope that these experiences give the reader an idea
of how diverse DMT experiences can be for one single person. My
experiences have ranged from spiritually glowing to mind-boggling to
disgusting and terrifying, and entities I have "met" have had many
different qualities - some have been helpful and affirming of all that
I value in life, and others seemed to intend to use me for their own
purposes or trick me. Even throughout the difficult times, I have
remained fascinated by this compound and eager to learn all the way,
and still am to this day.
THE EXPERIENCES:
The first time I really got a strong effect on DMT, I still felt ties
to my ego and environment. I encountered three alien-like beings that
were tall and slender. They weren't very detailed; they were seen
mainly as silhouettes. One of them came up to me with a round
seed-like object in his hands and presented it to me. It had a glowing
pinpoint of light, and he seemed to be trying to get me interested in
the object. During this experience, I was on the phone with my partner
(D) and he was doing 5-MeO-DMT on the other end. I think that D's
experience must've not been as encompassing as mine, because during my
experience I heard him saying my name on the phone and this confused
me a bit. I told him, "Don't call me that." When I turned my attention
to the phone to tell him this, the entity that was offering me the
object seemed to back off as if he understood, "Oh, you're busy right
now. I'll come back another time." I remember being a little
disappointed, as he dissipated right after this and I began to come
down. So yeah, it was actually a pretty typical experience for DMT…
and it is worth noting that at this point I purposely hadn't listened
to Terence McKenna or many others describing their DMT experiences
because I had heard that so many people experience similar concepts
and entities. I wanted to see if, without expectations, the same sorts
of things would happen for me. After this first experience, I started
reading all about the similarities across DMT experiences of various
individuals. I found out that it wasn't uncommon for people to have
objects bestowed upon them by entities. I was simply amazed that my
experience had been a "textbook DMT experience" regardless of the fact
that I hadn't had any expectations because I hadn't read much about
the specifics of others' experience.
***
After this, intrigued, I had a couple more experiences that week. One
of them was pretty much just colorful eye candy and no banter with
entities - it just consisted of orange and lime beings in hula skirts,
dancing Buddha-like beings, and sentiments of my dream the night
before. Another time, I felt lonely and wanted to communicate with
somebody but instead I found myself in a barren space that seemed to
be deep underground. This space consisted only of machines and
devices. They reminded me of cameras a little bit, as they seemed
invasive in some sense and pointed towards me. This whole dark-ish
experience seemed very vague and there was not much color. For the
rest of these experiences, I will just write about what I encountered
in each visit to hyperspace (separated by stars) and not so much about
the circumstances under which the DMT was had, unless important.
***
There were beings all around me. They were surrounding me and had
objects that seemed pointy, container-like and made of glass. These
beings seemed reptilian - how cliche. They proceeded to put a viscous
liquid into pointy glass containers and then put these containers in
the dirt, where they burrowed into the ground. I felt that the
entities were trying to tell me something about the state of the
Earth. At the end, they dispersed except for one being. I think that
he was male and very young or small. He seemed lonely, but I got the
impression that he was acting or not being completely honest. He told
me to please not leave that realm. I communicated back that I enjoyed
it there and that I also wished sometimes that I could stay, and told
him that he probably somehow knew that better than I did.
***
I was sitting at a desk with a bunch of colleagues (they seemed
human). This experience definitely had a business-like vibe to it. I
felt accepted and happy and like I enjoyed my job. This trip was
actually rather uneventful, but the interesting thing is that I sort
of had a feeling like I was looking into my future. This feeling was
strange in itself, because it felt like a premonition.
***
I felt like I was being tested, and had more "reptilian" feelings. I
felt pretty uncomfortable, and was still in contact with this reality
a little bit. My mind justified my feelings of discomfort (such as my
partner D was playing some sort of first person shooter video game in
the other room and I could hear disturbing noises from the game in the
background). This justification was probably an auto-defense
mechanism. I encountered entities again and got the feeling that the
general consensus about me in the space was that even if a "dark" or
"evil" spirit encountered me, I was so naive that I would probably
find the good within it. This could be good as well as bad… Bad as in
I could be taken advantage of or used as some sort of host, but the
good thing was that I could make the situation "good" and change
things just from my perception alone. They seemed like they were
evaluating me on something… uneasy.
***
This was quite delightful! I was in a different place entirely and it
was very, very colorful. This is the only experience I can think of
where I saw "elf-like" creatures, though I didn't think of this way
when I was there. I was in a multi-dimensional place that unfolded in
all directions and on all sides. I couldn't tell where the ceiling,
floor or walls began. There were boxes on every "wall" lined up
everywhere, and each box had a small wooden looking creature inside.
Each creature had a sort of pointed hat and interchangeable body parts
that could be switched with the parts of others. They were all
identical in shape and form, but had different colored and textured
parts. "Souls" or energies could also transfer from one being to
another. I could become part of them and they could become part of me.
There was a constant 'existential narrative', most of which I can't
remember.. but it was about what existence was and what the purpose
was of this space and its role in existence. I remember that the
narrative assured me that "I could come back anytime I wanted". There
were so many AMAZING details that I wish I could remember of this
place. At the time, I remember knowing that it was so intricate and
out of this world that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to possibly
remember everything at the time, which kind of devastated me because I
wanted so desperately to be able to bring it back. I still took in
everything that I could and it was so beautiful.
***
I felt like… "Wait.. isn't there something I'm supposed to be finding
out; inquiring about?" And as soon as I asked, everything exploded in
my face. Everyone rushed forth, urgently giving me a message. War
gears turned. Imagery of guns, bombs, war symbols, cannons, tanks and
strange masked people flooded my field of vision and emotion. It was
overwhelming to say the least. There was a warning… "This is imminent…
this is serious…" Information was disclosed unto me about the state of
the world. The feeling became more and more abstract as well as
terrifying and alarming. Then suddenly, I felt a feeling of LOSS
unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I've never had anybody really
close to me die in my life, but I felt like this right now. It felt so
wrong, like something had been prematurely snatched away from me; from
life. It felt so dirty and even slightly "evil", but that sounds
stupid. Profound sadness and grief. The resolution was, this really
could happen. But there was good news too- I had love and I needed to
appreciate what I had because who ever knew what could happen? At the
end of that experience, some sort of trickster-ish entity said
something to me like, "Wait two months before visiting us again…. Ha..
okay, two weeks is fine. We really *do* want you here; don't feel
bad!" …So bizarre.
***
I had a very special trip with D and my friend, N. I could tell right
away that this was going to be more intense than anything I had
experienced on DMT up until that point. I slipped into a place where I
lost complete contact with the waking reality as I knew it, and did
not remember my surroundings or who I was at all (yet I must have
still remembered my life somehow and you will soon hear why). I
returned to a place that seemed very familiar. Everything that had
ever happened to me was happening at once. I felt a presence of sorts,
but no communication (at least not a banter). At the beginning, I felt
terrified but I somehow loved it at the same time because it was just
so overwhelming and RIGHT. I felt scrutinized and I knew I had to give
up everything and all control in order to be alright, so I surrendered
as quickly as I could. I'm glad I did, otherwise it would have
probably been unbearable. I thought that I was in other places
entirely. I felt specific 'era feelings' of different time periods of
my life. They were SO real and had synesthetic qualities. I felt
myself living in all of the places I'd ever lived in before, yet I
still somehow was not in touch with my ego; it felt like a familiar
dream space. It was like I was reliving every moment of my entire life
at once, and this one moment was eternal. I saw bright colors that
were arranged sort of like a Western blot but they were glowing and
shifting and more colorful. It was like a code. It would change
abruptly, like it was being operated by a light switch that had a lot
of different settings. I remember one time, the 'code' turned black
and white, which alarmed me somehow for a second. As I came down, I
remembered my life again and realized that I was in N's bedroom and
had just had some DMT, and I just felt nothing but pure bliss. I kept
laughing at the sheer ridiculousness that is Life and existence, and
was so wowed by the whole experience.
***
On the porch outside. The atmosphere was inspirational! This trip was
kind of similar to the one I had at N's house in the way that I
transcended my tethers to this reality in a similar way. The first
thing that happened was I felt like I was splashed with water or had
water poured all over me, drenched, and the feeling was so vivid. I
also felt like there was something in my throat. (I later found out on
DMT-nexus that this sensation is called the 'DMT throat marble'…) I
went through a sort of path.. perhaps a fabric maze, though I was
sensing where I was rather than visually seeing it. I was washed in
deja vu, as I remembered this exact path or process as something I had
gone through before, maybe even numerous times. It didn't feel as if
it had happened in a dream or psychedelic experience, but it's
possible it had… not sure. I knew that I would never remember all the
details as it was so complex… there were things going on and projects
happening everywhere all around me, and I was a part of it. Every
actual movement I made caused the colors and scene to change. If I put
my physical hands out, with my eyes closed I could see the resonance
it created in the 'realm'. I could feel the physical qualities of
things synesthetically. When I came down, I watched reality
reassemble. Everything for a bit was wispy and stringlike, blowing in
the wind, as if the fabric of reality had been reduced to mere
strings. It was really amazing to watch and the comedown was kind of
overwhelming.
***
This next one was a vague, conceptual, non-colorful experience. I saw
human forms wearing black business suits, sunglasses and hats… I got
the feeling that they were doing something covert. I experienced a
sort of 'video collage' of them doing all sorts of sped-up business
transactions… shaking hands, driving places to get and deliver
products, selling things, etc. At the very end, I saw one of the
businessmen return home to his family (wife and children) and not pay
very much attention to them. Apparently, he cared more about his job
than his family.
***
I had an experience where I felt like I was going through some sort of
obstacle course. I met other *human* spirits (not sure how I could
tell or what made them seem human to me, but that is what I
perceived). We all had to help one another to get through the course.
At the end, I felt immense gratitude and it seemed like all of the
human spirits were thanking one another for their help.
***
This time I did the DMT on top of LSD and 4-AcO-DiPT. I did the DMT
twice during this session. (You can find the entire experience report
under my name here:
(Erowid Experience Vaults: LSD, 4-AcO-DiPT & DMT - A Static Dimension-warp to Candyland - 99864)).
The first experience: My friend and I were confronted (we both felt
this) by some sort of strange angry presence of an entity that seemed
to inhabit the room we were in. We talked about it on the way down and
had experienced the exact same thing. (She'd had a lot of strange DMT
experiences in this room already, actually.) To me, the spirit was
angrily asking me, "Why do all you humans ignore us? We're all around
you, ALL the time, causing so much to happen, yet you credit
yourselves for everything!"… I tried to communicate to the spirit that
I liked sharing reality with them and that I felt that there was a lot
of resonance from forces that we could not observe acting upon
everything all the time. I tried to "console the anger" of this
entity. My friend and I both felt more calm and less of an angry
presence around the same point in the trip, after this.
The next experience that night: As I tried to light the third hit of
DMT, my spatial sense was so off that it took a lot of effort to
figure out where to hold the lighter. It didn't help my efforts that
my eyes were darting around as if I were in REM sleep mode. I looked
around the room as I managed to take 2 more hits, and noticed that the
room had turned into some sort of candy factory-like territory. Every
piece of furniture and object in the room was static, intact and took
on the exact same shape and form as it normally would, BUT each thing
had its own special pattern that did not overlap with the patterns of
other objects! For instance, my friend's walls (which were usually
just plain white) were wallpapered in lime green and pink stripes. The
plain wooden dresser was bright blue with bright pink flowers and
teddy bears. I think that another piece of furniture had painted
colorful candy canes on it. I was simply amazed that everything in the
room could look exactly the same and be static; unmoving, yet
literally looked like it was painted and wallpapered completely
differently. It was so realistic and seemed like a dimension warp or
something.
After I closed my eyes, needless to say, things became even more
interesting. The place I was taken to also reminded me of a candy
factory or playroom; themes from childhood were constantly present.
There was a rotating gear, a sort of mandala that dominated my vision
in the center of a colorful, tasty room. The gears/sections of the
mandala were rhythmically changing and transforming systematically
like the second hand of a clock. Every second or so (or however much
time that really was), a section of it would develop into something
else, and so on. Everything I saw from that point on was so incredibly
detailed and rhythmic. I felt like I was a little kid in an
interactive, virtual reality candy shop; this space was very
synesthetic and even tasted like candy.
***
One time, I found myself in some sort of barn. I felt like I was
drowning in a pile of hay or something, and I felt the presence of a
horse-like entity. My visions corresponded appropriately in some sort
of abstract way. At the time, I was kind of turned off by the
experience because I honestly didn't really want to be there in a pile
of hay… something about the experience felt 'cheesy' to me. As I was
coming down, I realized that the reason I'd had this experience was
because I had some things to do for work, but I'd had a lot of other
things to tend to as well and had been putting off calling my boss
(who reminded me and my boyfriend of a horse… and I have mentioned to
several other people that he seems horselike and most people have
seemed to agree).. I found the symbolism to be interesting and very
reminiscent of dreams (latent and manifest content).
***
Had some DMT on top of Ketamine. This was *extremely* visual and
incredibly synergistic it seemed. I noticed that the sheets on my bed
switched patterns with one another (one had flowers and one was a
solid blue color) and arranged themselves by color into a pinwheel
with a big black hole in the middle. I felt like all the energy in the
room was accordingly being sucked into the black hole, and I felt like
I was going in too. I think I may have been sucked in, because
suddenly things became black and void-like… but then when I emerged
elsewhere, I felt a sense of grandiose importance emerge in my mind. I
encountered an entity who seemed to have some sort of high status,
business-wise. He asked me if I would like to take on a very important
job position in hyperspace, since I was apparently "fit for the
position". I felt so bewildered and astonished at the time.. as if I
was thinking.. "You'd *really* choose *me*?!" .. I felt like the
position was something very serious and important and I didn't think
it should be taken lightly. I psychically communicated to the entity
that I needed a bit of time to think, as it seemed like an important
position of leadership as the entity had implied. I thought about it
for what seemed like a while (but was probably not actually very
long), and I decided to respect the offer/position and take it. I
communicated this to the entity, but then the experience dissipated.
***
The very next experience was very much a continuation of the last one.
This time, I had DMT on top of 4-ho-MiPT. This was a very strong
experience, as I completely lost touch with reality and upon coming
back, was like "Wow, I'm in *this* life! I remember this!" ..one of
those experiences. Anyway, my understanding is that I met the "boss"
entity.. he seemed to be some sort of CEO in hyperspace! (Ridiculous
to think about, but that is how it seemed.) He seemed all-knowing and
completely ancient. He appeared to be made out of antique wood, and
was covered in various compartments such as drawers, doors and
windows. During this experience, I felt very honored to meet this
entity. It seemed like he imparted some serious knowledge unto me
about "intent manifestation" in the waking life through dream and
trance states.
***
Had some DMT on top of MXE. This experience was *quite* bewildering! I
instantly felt like I was punched in the face with confusion and
encountered an entity before I knew it. Collided into the entity, in
fact. This entity was SUPER pointy, and accordingly seemed to have
spikes. Encountering it actually caused me physical pain in some way.
It was orange and/or yellow, and black. It reminded me of the electric
legendary bird in Pokemon, Zapdos (zap-dose.. ha). I felt like I was
either zapped or stuck by a porcupine, or a mixture of both. Stunned
is the best word to describe the way I felt at the time.
***
This next experience, I was still pretty grounded in reality, as in I
didn't lose contact with my ego and still knew where I was… But I
still experienced entity contact. I saw orange forms and felt a
feminine presence. I felt a tremendous healing power from this
presence and felt like I was being taken care of (I hadn't been
feeling top-notch the past couple of days). The female entities were
very warm and didn't seem like they wanted anything other than to help
me… the most warmth I've ever felt from DMT entities. They fed me
food.. it was long, and when looking back, it reminded me of
intestines in its shape (but not gross or anything). I felt happy and
cared for, and it seemed that the food was meant to improve my health.
***
3 big hits. I don't know where I was, but I was confronted by a mother
entity. She was shapeless; dripping, melting, ugly, terrifying,
disgusting, and even smelled bad. I wasn't sure what was going on, but
next thing I knew, she was engaging me in psychic conversation. She
had a wallet of some sort, and began showing me photographs of her
son. I could tell that she loved her son very much. She also had a
bunch of his artwork that she was obviously proud of, and began
showing it to me. The problem was, her son AND all of his artwork were
also melting, grotesque and disgusting. I could still feel her genuine
love for her son and pride in his artwork, but at the same time, no
matter how hard I tried to show her love, I couldn't hide the fact
that I felt grossed out by her and the entire situation. I could tell
that she could tell that I was feeling uncomfortable.
When I came down from this trip, I found myself feeling guilty for not
being able to feel/give the love that I felt that I should have given
her. So I had another hit of DMT and tried to meditate on the
experience and its meaning. I tried to send out my purest, most
intended form of love to her and every other entity under this
umbrella called consciousness. I even tried to psychically apologize
to her for my reaction to her. I felt a little bit better after that,
like I had resolved something.
***
In the winter one year, I made a habit of doing DMT in the shower.
Sounds weird I know, but I was doing low doses mainly because I didn't
want to lose complete contact with reality. This shower had beautiful
tiles and strange walls with many faces in the patterns that appeared
to be "trapped spirits in rapture". (That is the way I saw them most
of the time, anyway.) I knew that it'd be a beautiful place for the
trips, and I was right. Seeing the water on the tiles reminded me of a
whimsical dream I'd had back in 2004 where I was in paradise. In the
dream, I had been in a tiled cave with pools of all different depths,
planks up in the air with flowing streams inside, bridges with
streams, waterfalls, and flies. No matter where you dropped down or
jumped into the water, it was okay because you would ultimately fall
into deeper pool at the bottom. Seeing the water on the tiles almost
instantly made me relive that dream, which has been one of my favorite
dreams of all time. A divine moment of truth in a tiled cave with
waterfalls all around. Not entirely breakthrough, but beautiful
nonetheless.
***
One time, I got tricked pretty hardcore when doing DMT. This was on
top of 2c-c (looking back, I don't feel that DMT went very well with
this psychedelic). I thought I'd put a pretty decent amount in the
pipe, but I must have gotten it all in the first big hit. The pipe at
this point, after this one hit, meant something else to me entirely- I
don't know what it was to me exactly, but it wasn't a pipe or a
lighter anymore. I felt like it was VERY important for me to keep
hitting the pipe over and over again, like it was a special mission of
mine. I don't even know what I was trying to accomplish at the time.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that I'd been tricked and had spent the
whole trip confused, trying to get more DMT. I felt very stupid and
saw it as a metaphor to stop being such a "DMT glutton".
***
This next experience was after I hadn't done DMT for a while.
Everything was very orange once again, and I met up with the same
female healing entities that I'd encountered in a previous experience.
Only this time, there were more of them. I felt their healing, caring
presence strongly just like last time. We all sat in the space in
peas, as if we were at a meeting of meditation to "just be". I felt
like none of our 'stories' mattered; none of us had anything to prove
about who we were, what we were trying to accomplish or anything. It
was so peaceful. But then, something told me to sing. So I started
singing/channeling a song from or for the spirits. They became
interested and came up to me very close. One of them placed a clay jar
in front of me and with every note I sang, an entity would place a
small glowing (pinpoint of light) object into the jar. I think the
objects were mainly lime green or yellow. I gradually transitioned
back, but I kept singing the song as I came down. I recorded it on my
phone so that I would never forget it. I still sing this song before
doing DMT sometimes, as it helps to calm me down and sometimes I can
invoke those healing entities with the song.
***
One of the times where I invoked these healing spirits by singing the
beautiful song I had been given, I was at my summer apartment last
year. When I met up with them this time, they seemed a bit concerned
about my health again (my health had gotten a bit worse and I was
constantly having stomach problems). They came up to me and seemed to
be offering me healing. Then, before I knew it, one of the entities
extended and fused into my stomach area and seemed to actually become
a part of me. As I felt nothing but benevolence from these entities,
my understanding was that she wanted to be there to help me to get
through difficult times ahead, because I was definitely going to need
resilience. (And it's true- the past year has been one of the most
difficult times of my life.. but I think I'm doing well.) After she
became part of me, I felt appreciative of her presence.. but still in
a bit of shock at what I'd just experienced…!
***
I felt uncertain, so I started singing. By the time of this
experience, things had started to get kind of muddy and I wasn't
remembering my experiences very well. This trip was followed by
another long break of not using DMT. What was happening had been clear
in the experience, but afterwards I could only remember abstractions
and not the manifest content of whatever happened. To my best
understanding after the experience, I knew that I had been given
something that I seemed I could "take home" from the experience. I
understood that this was *the purpose of hyperspace*, whatever that
meant at the time. To take things home. I felt like I could actually
bring home this physical thing that I had acquired. (I am unsure of
whether I'd been given an object, or fed some sort of food. Only
recently have I begun to possibly comprehend what may have happened
during this experience, and I'll revisit this later in the write up.)
Though I believed at first, gradually I realized that whatever I'd
been given was not something that I could access any longer once I
begun to get back in touch with "reality". I realized that it was all
a metaphor- I could instead learn a powerful tool. After I realized
this, I was given some sort of schooling on this powerful tool that I
could learn. I think that what happened is some entity threatened to
hurt or maybe kill another entity, and I, in order to save that
entity, had to sing a song. I knew exactly what to sing. I felt
challenged throughout this part, obviously. I felt like I came out on
top and saved the entity and passed this test. I felt happy with my
abilities, but uneasy and unsure at what I had just witnessed and had
held over my head. Upon coming down, I thought about how I knew that
my experiences would be so much crisper and clearer and I would learn
so much more from them if I used DMT less frequently… so after this, I
started using DMT pretty sparingly once and for all, and to this day
mainly only use it on special occasions or on top of other
psychedelics.
***
Smoked DMT near the end of a DPT experience (perhaps I should have had
it earlier). The theme of this trip was something like, "I could be
iconic," as in my ideas were worth circulating and if I had the
motivation and intuition to put them out there, I could in fact be
iconic one day. I felt that I needed to believe in myself more. At the
beginning of this experience, it is also interesting to note that I
saw the entire room in my field of vision turn into a mirror image of
itself. The carpet that I was sitting upon on my beanbag was very
colorful and I saw the carpet come to a point like it was inside a
kaleidoscope. Everything had copied itself from one side of my vision
and pasted itself onto the other side! I thought that this was
incredibly interesting at the time and still do.
***
Did DMT again while I was on DPT… This time, I saw my personal
blueprint. It was mainly the colors of violet, indigo, and a bit of
fuchsia. A little bit of red as well. It was roundish and seemed to
emanate all that I loved or stood for in life. I immersed myself in it
and felt the divine presence within my aura. I felt appreciative of
everything in existence. It was a very blissful experience where I
felt right at home.
***
Another time, I had DMT on top of DPT, once again at the tail end of
the experience. I was transported to that extremely alien-like realm
that I had been to so many times before. I felt like I was being
schooled on existence. A teacher entity that seemed to have some sort
of almost condescending divine power over me was trying to convince me
that "they" constructed our reality completely, and tried to get me to
agree that this reality was not under our control; it was being
constructed and predetermined by an outside force completely. Even
though I had lost complete touch with reality, I did not listen
blindly. I was skeptical (not that I disbelieved it, but I didn't
believe it either… I always like to keep an open mind when it comes to
these sorts of existential matters). The entity was SO persistent
about trying to convince me! I remained neutral on the matter, but
courteous and attentive all the same.
***
This next experience consisted of about 30mgs of DMT (normal dose for
me) along with a few milligrams of 5-MeO-DMT and three nitrous
chargers in one big balloon (so it was easier to inhale it all). I met
up with a bunch of human forms (kindred souls) that reminded me of
myself. I felt like I was being schooled on existence again (Existence
101 Class) and there was a teacher entity telling us that we were all
meant to be intent manifestors; that we were people who were extra in
touch with our intuition and spirituality, therefore we had more
influence on the outcome of things than the average person. I
understood that the kindred souls in the room were of varying
maturities and had their own unique problems. Some were battling with
issues of self-confidence, and some were egomaniacs who had realized
and abused their power of influence over others. I was told that I
needed to be extra careful with my intentions and make sure to not
ever abuse this special power that I had within myself. This was a
very empowering trip (but don't worry; I didn't suffer any delusions
of grandeur even if it sounds like I did.. ha ha).
***
The next experience I had (quite recently) was one of my strangest DMT
experiences of all time… perhaps paralleled only by my most recent
one. This DMT experience was on top of 120mg MDMA. As soon as I
entered the trance state, I felt my mouth filling up with some sort of
"food" but it was textured just like dirt and even tasted like it. I
felt like it was being forced into my mouth, but not in a violent way;
just a little overwhelming. I instinctively accepted the food and
swallowed it because I felt like it was the right thing to do. It felt
like medicine of the earth (as I said, it had the same texture as
dirt). I felt an intense flash of insight and knowledge after
consuming this food. Perhaps it was "food for thought". I was reminded
of how it is a personal mission of mine and theme in some of my trips
that I am "meant to bring together the world of dreams and the waking
state". This has been a literal idea of mine that I entertain, but
more so, it is a metaphor to me and I feel that it means that I need
to help people to be more in touch with their subconscious mind, their
dreams, and their intuitions. After this, I felt a strong urge to send
powerful intent to the whole universe and to all of the people in this
world, for them to become more in touch with these parts of themselves
in hopes of making the world a better place. With my friend, in tears,
I voiced my intent. It was a profoundly beautiful moment.
***
The last experience I've had to this day (very recently) almost seemed
like a follow-up of the previous one. This time, it was with
4-ho-MiPT. After finishing the dose, I saw something I can only
describe as white, wispy, smoky ribbons materialize. These ribbons
eventually gave way to what looked like some sort of folded square. It
looked kind of like a package, but it looked like it was made out of
clay or dough and folded a little bit like an envelope. It was sitting
on a table that seemed to be in a location that reminded me of the
Catholic church I had to attend in elementary school. I interacted
with the entity by waving my arms in a specific way, which "woke it
up". Then I began a banter with it. I had a complete deja vu
experience where I was once again fed food (presumably by the entity),
and it felt *EXTREMELY* real.. just as much as the last time. I felt
the texture in my mouth; it seemed kind of cardboard-ish, wafer-ish or
some similar texture (I later made a connection that this texture
reminded me of the "host" of the Holy Spirit that we were given as
Communion). I was given three of them, and went through an experience
that I was absolutely *certain* I'd had before (this is where that
experience I wrote about earlier that was muddy where I was given or
fed "something physical to take home" comes in… perhaps this was the
experience, or perhaps it was a different DMT experience that I had
trouble remembering, or maybe a dream I'd had). In any case, I knew in
that moment that *this was the purpose of hyperspace*; to bring back
this material that I was eating! I once again instinctively swallowed
it, and was fed the food three times as I mentioned. The last time, I
felt the food lingering in my mouth, as you do when you are chewing
food and get some stuck in your mouth. I could still feel it as I was
coming down, and I (stupidly, HAHA) tried to see if I could retain it
and retrieve it after I came down from my trip! I realized very
quickly how stupid of an idea this was, as I remembered the "merits of
metaphor" and thought to myself besides this that it was almost an
insult to this great gift I had received. I stopped trying to retain
some of the food and just thought to myself about the gift and how to
utilize it. My friend who was with me during this experience told me
that he had witnessed me doing the hand motions and dance, speaking to
the entity, and then making obvious eating and swallowing motions.
Since this last experience, I've been researching a bit about people
being given food to eat during ayahuasca sessions. The closest
phenomenon I have been able to find is when tribal peoples were given
" tsensak", or "magical darts" to swallow and regurgitate during their
ayahuasca experiences in order to either bewitch or heal others. I
have also thought a lot about the parallels of this experience to "the
host" and "the body of Christ" and how this experience may have been
symbolic of that. I always try to entertain all possibilities and
meanings, and experience great enjoyment in doing so.
I feel that throughout all of these experiences, the most important
thing I've learned is how important metaphor is (especially when it
comes to manifesting one's intentions and interpreting experiences),
and how important it is to keep an open mind. I already discussed my
feelings and positions on entities and what they might be, and
explained a bit on how I've personally interpreted my trips. I hope
that you, the reader, have enjoyed this collection of experiences…
because I have found experiencing DMT to be an incredible learning
process… no matter *how* otherworldly the content or how difficult it
may seem to integrate the bizarre into everyday reality at times, I
find it to be fascinating and have some interesting dream-like value
when going through the process of interpretation and integration.
Hyperspace is an amazingly alien-feeling place, yet at the same time
it still feels like the homiest home I have ever felt! This 'DMT
space' feels like the place my soul always tends to return to… between
days; between conscious thoughts; between lives. I will always have a
special place in my heart for these Divine Moments of Truth. Thank you
for reading, especially to anybody who actually got through all of
this!!